Mr. Bond.

Oddjob.

The Once-in-a-While

Daily News

1 Otherworldly. 

2  Time to travel. It is Saturday night as I write the first part of this masterpiece. The Houston Astros just won the pennant. The New York Yankees just walked off with heads bowed to a team that features a kid named Altuve. 

3  Remember, this started on Saturday night. I began it much earlier than normal, because of time travel.

4  By the time I launch this, I should be on a flight to Oahu. 

5  

6  Me. Complete with Former Teacher Sore-Butt Syndrome (or the more popular FTSBS), which affects all former teachers, pretty sure. 

7  It also affects ANYBODY who sits for long periods of time on the job. You don't begin to notice it until you're around 40, although I do have reports coming in from 27-year old millennials. 

8  Maybe the entire world is aging faster than in previous epochs. 

9  Hmmm. 

10  Me. Flying to Hawaii. 

11  I have a confession. 

12  I'm not a huge traveler. 

13  I know I've confessed that before, but I want everybody to think I'm James Bond. Spirit. Adventure. Mystique. Odd jobs.

14  

15  I think it's more along these lines:

16  

17  Like that third picture directly above this sentence? I consider it pure Zen. Look at that sand. And those smooth rocks. Zen. Pure Zen.

18  Zen, baby. 

19  I'm all about Zen. 

20  Zense you ask.

21  I've asked this on a number of occasions, but is there a backdoor outta this place?

22  

23  'Cuz sometimes I beg your leave. 

24  I beg your pardon what?

LISTEN:

25 I'M LEAVING FOR OAHU THIS MORNING. I'LL PROBABLY BE LAUNCHING THIS NONSENSE FROM THERE. YOU CAN PROBABLY BET ON IT.

26  And I'm not a huge traveller. Did I mention that? Are you impressed that I used the chiefly British spelling of "traveler?"

They double the final "l" for some reason. But according to Dictionary.com, that particular spelling is "chiefly British."

27  I don't like traveling. I don't even like travelling. I like getting places, but I don't like travelling, which is chiefly British. 

28  Moving On, Part One: As I was busily assembling this, time moved me to Sunday morning. I had just finished breakfast when I decided to open this up and see how the time travelling was coming along. 

29  I decided to add a picture of Oddjob from the Bond film Goldfinger. It's up at the top of the page if wanna scroll. just return to number 29 and you're good.

Sidebar: Oddjob was a politely villainous sort who wore a hat that could cut a guy's head off his neck. Oddjob was perfectly played by actor Harold Sakata. I chose that particular picture because, in it, Sakata has a purse strap that looks amazingly like my purse strap.

30  Yes. I carry a purse. I'm comfortable with it. You wanna throw down?

31  I LOVE the term "throw down" to mean "fight." It's been around forever. But I digress. 

32  I always digress, especially when I am writing whilst time travelling. 

33  "Whilst." I once referred to that word as "douche." I looked it up. Wanna know how Dictionary.com interpreted it?

34  "Chiefly British." Honest to Gawd. It is considered a conjunction.

35  "Douche," by the way, is never clearly defined in Dictionary.com. It just says this:

noun 

 5.  Slang: Vulgar. douche bag (def. 2).

36  In other words, Dictionary.com assumes everybody walking around knows exactly what a guy who acts like a douche bag is. 

37  

38  For the record, I always thought his name was presented in print as Odd Job. Evidently, I was wrong. It is correctly Oddjob. That sounds so fast. It be like, "Oddjob! Get over here!" Just sounds rushed to me.  

39  Otherworldly. 

40  Moving On, Part Two: It is now almost noon on Tuesday.

41  I spent the good part of the morning looking over seven or so pictures I wanted to use to surprise my sister Linda on her birthday, which is TODAY! (Whoops! Not Tuesday; I was already projecting Wednesday. Occupational hazard.) 

42  I also tried to get a bunch of pictures out of my phone and onto my laptop, because last night/early this morning somebody decided to upgrade my iPhone. 

43  Otherworldly, right? So I wanted to be sure that a bunch of pictures I recently took would slide seamlessly to my laptop, WHICH, rumor has it, cannot be brought onto a flight. Huh?

44  Look. I've ALWAYS had difficulty sliding pics from my phone to my laptop. It always seems to get cock-blocked for some idiotic reason. 

45

46  It's just an expression. Yeesh. Chill. Here. Have a cartoon:

Cock-block. The term doesn't even

make an appearance in Dictionary.com.

It just means "to put an abrupt end to something; 

to prevent instantly something from happening." 

That's my definition, since 

dictionaries fear this word. 

47  I refuse to go to Urban Dictionary, because it is now awash with made-up definitions. 

48 The following suggestions came up when I hit Merriam-Webster for the definition of the term "cock-block."

chockablock  

cuckoo clock  

cock-a-leekie


49  Cock-a-leekie, by the way, is simply a soup made of chicken and leeks. So cock-block isn't in Merriam either, but for whatever reason, cock-a-leekie is.  

50  And although I am a member of the Oxford English Dictionary society/group/thingy, I have forgotten both my User Name and Password. 

51  So I'm thinking of writing my own dictionary, bitches.

52  Moving On, Part the Thoid: It's Wednesday. I'm on my way to Oahu.

53  Moving On, Part the Fourth: It's Thursday. The Once-in-a-While Daily News, which USUALLY goes out each Wednesday, had a holdover in Oahu. We wished my sister Linda a goodly birthday, flew here, flitted around, watched a sunset, and ate at Atlantis. So yeah, it's Thursday by a nose. 

54  So. Gottago. First time ever visiting the Islands. Loving it, and hey, it's only 9:30 Wednesday night here, so technically I didn't miss a deadline. And there's a Cheshire Moon over Waikiki. Look out your window. Same moon. Smilin'. 

55  See you again.

56  Have a GREAT day later today. I'm still enjoying yesterday. 

57  Aloha.

58  Peace.

fin.

 Li'l Jack.

 Li'l Maren.

Li'l Isla.

The Once-in-a-While 

Daily News:

On Li'l Works of Art

1  I began this one on Saturday night, right after Stanford buried Oregon State 49-7, and after Cal destroyed Washington St. 37-3.

2  Sports.

3  Thank goodness sometimes for sports. 

4  I'm a pretty good sport.

5  The Stanford/Oregon State game caused me to daydream midway through it. I got the message early that this game was going to be reasonably one-sided. Not rocket science.

6  I'll get to other sporting things, like curling, as they unfold.

7  Right now I am existing on Saturday night, time approximate 11:23 p.m.

8  Instead of watching the entire Stanford game, I decided to check my emails. I had sent Effie and John Arnolfo a link to this nonsense. Effie wrote back thanking me. I saw my own link in her email and decided to test it. It worked. Before I knew it, I was hurled back to my own website. 

9  I read a few back issues, just to establish a rhythm. Sidebar: These Once-in-a-While DN's always come out on Wednesdays. I've NO idea how I hit those deadlines, but they always manage to slide in safely on Wednesdays.

10  They all read fairly well, all things considered. One of my more recent blogs had me giving Latin lessons. How I wound up talking in Latin I couldn't tell you.

Plutarch in search of Advil.

11  I do know that the last three times I tried doing this, I was trying to come up with ideas while little Beebeez would come up and demand my attention. 

12  I found myself balancing my arm on a pillow and holding a milkshake in my left hand while attempting to hit this deadline with my right, all the while using my legs to block the Beebeez from killing themselves. 

13  They were great, as always. They're beginning to call me, "Paw" instead of the more trendy "G-Paw." 

14  Maren is the keenest at getting this one. When I got back from Shasta last week, she came running at me, hugged me, smiled, and said, "Hi, Paw!"

Li'l Maren, creative 

author of "Hi, Paw!"

15  It works every time.

16  Amazing.

17  They are just amazing to me. Little miracles, all three. Or more accurately, Li'l Works of Art.

18  Moving On, Part One: On the selfsame Saturday, we were able to visit a consignment store, this time without Beebeez. Rene, Coley and I snuck up to Roseville and happened into the Home Consignment Center there, just to mosy. 

Consignmenting is fun. I didn't take this pic,
in fact, I think it's one from the Folsom store.

19  Around a year ago I began messing around with photography. I learned a few tricks from a guy who would email me with tips. 

20  I always appreciated learning a few things. My only trouble is I'm neither trained, nor am I good.

21

22  The last time I went into that store, I took a few of what I called "artsy-fartsy" pictures, experimental in nature.

23  Around that time, it might have been summertime, 2016, I also took a few pictures in Tahoe.

24  All of those pics are at the top of this page, and I think they harmoniously converge with the Beebeez as little works of art.

25  The simple search for art took me to the Home Consignment Center, where I saw those odd stained-glass balls at the top of this page. They were just sitting on a shelf.  Ordinarily, I would walk past most of those sorts of things. But I was armed with a new way of looking at things. It was fun. The clocks (see above) I saw when I walked around Michael's, somewhere around Halloween. I used no Instagram nor PhotoShop in the process. I just had fun!

26  I also got the below shots by seeing ordinary things as potential art. The picture below was one I took at Josh and Caitlin's house. I think the girls were down, and I saw the sun trying to get in. I aimed up and shot, cropped a little using my iPhone, fiddled around a bit with shadow and light, and came up with a sort of "noir" feel. Anybody can do this. 

Shadow and Light. Easy to do.

27  With the shot below, I found myself sitting outside at the Alpina Coffee Shop in South Lake Tahoe last year, and I caught the sun's rays lighting up the American flag. I again switched it to a B & W picture and it came out beautifully. Here is the pic:

Twilight's Last Gleaming

28  I posted that one on FB, but never took myself seriously. It's fun playing around with camera angles, framing, side and backlighting (above) to get sort of artistic pictures. My theatre training helped, as some concepts are consistent in both lighting design and in photography.

29  I also caught this sunrise from the Eagle Falls area of Tahoe. I didn't make this one. The Creator-of-the-Universe gets the credit. I took the picture, but I didn't make this. I've taken dozens of shots of Emerald Bay over the years. I enjoy getting up early and catching sunrises. This remains one of my favorites:

Emerald Bay sunrise.

30  It is now 1:01 on Sunday morning. I am still writing this stuff because finding these pictures took me on a mini-search. I didn't realize how vibrant they were, since they look like teensy thumbnails on my laptop. 

31  I felt I was digging for art, or maybe just digging art. In Greece, they close streets and have archeologists in brown pants brushing rocks with toothbrushes in search of art. 

The Theatre of Dionysos, Athens. This is the world's

first Theatre. I did not take this pic, for the record. 

32  There's a lot of stuff buried in the dirt clods that make up my collection of pictures. Many are horrendous. I'm struggling to make an analogy here, but I assume readers are intelligent enough to get that. 

33  I give massive credit to my sister Linda, who, when I once asked her what her secret was to always taking such amazing pictures, answered without missing a beat, "I take tons of pictures, and allow nobody to see all the lousy ones." Not verbatim, but you get the essence. 

34  She's WAY better than that and way better than I'll ever hope to be at photography, but it is a fun hobby, and one I always wanted to pursue. 

35  It is too often that people tell themselves that they can't do things. I always thought I could be a pretty good photographer because my mind works like that. It's that artsy side of life that has always fascinated me. 

36  I also write some terrible poetry, but I enjoy doing that as well. I'm certain that Lord Snooty and his DN constituency would disapprove. 

37  Snoots. It is now 1:14 a.m. I'm still tacking away here.

38  Moving On, Part Two: Fast forward a bit to Monday morning. I just did. 

39  Helene and I have planned a trip to Hawaii. The trouble is, I have certain health issues I need to confront before I sit six hours on a plane.

40  I had an examination a little bit ago, and all my vitals seemed fine. My doctor was concerned about my Dad's history. Monday morning I expressed my concerns to Helene, and without hesitation she made an appointment for me to see the doctor, who I felt was probably quite busy, what with hospital evacs and people in much worse shape than I. 

41  I didn't want to go, to be honest. I fear going to the doctor, as a general rule. I know it's ridiculous, but yes, doctors out there, I'm that guy. 

42  I made the appointment for 10:40 Monday morning. That's later this morning as I write and as I travel through time. I'm watching musical artist Pink on Good Morning, America singing her new hit, "What About Us." She's giving me lots of strength. Some songs hit you at just the right time. Beautiful trauma.

43  So I wound up going to the Doc just to check and see how my engine was running. She was supportive, vibrant, and attentive. I was examined, only this time my blood pressure was high. 

44  They tried a few times, but it remained high. Most people would have shaken it off, adjusted diet, and scampered off.

46  I'm not that guy. It shook me up. I got worried. Then I went home, made a nice lunch with lots of veggies and a little chowder, and rested. All good gifts.

47  And then I got a sweet tooth. Anybody knows me knows that my weakness isn't sweets, it's salt. My body has always treated me nicely in that area. 

48  But I did get a sweet tooth. I'm a huge fan of Breyer's Raspberry Cheesecake gelato. I have it often, and I will break a small Hershey's milk chocolate bar into that scrumptious dessert. I felt I deserved a treat after having spent my morning doing the right thing.

49  So gelato it was! I couldn't even wait to get to it. I didn't bother with an ice cream scoop. I just got a semi-bent spoon and ran that stuff ragged. I touched the face of God somewhere in all of this, and it turns out that she was cute, and pretty "well-put-together" as my Dad would say. I soon after drifted off to sleep, or I sank into a coma of pure pleasure, not sure which. 

50  I woke up a little bit later shivering. The cold coursed through my veins. I wanted to crawl under a blanket, but I also went into self-loathing. How could I DO that? How could I have DONE that, to myself, to my family, and to the United States of America?

51  Because it was the best thing I've done for myself in the past two months. 

52  And because as I said previously, I'm a pretty good sport.

53  Because I didn't see it as a gamble at all. I played the odds. I'm sure it's happened, but I have never heard of a case of Death by Gelato. Especially delicious raspberry. Doesn't happen.

54  Cavalier?

Charles I (1600-1649) King of England

Artist:  Daniël Jijtens, Cavalier.

55  As my old friend Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. would have said, "Oh, I imagine."

56  Oh, I imagine.

57  And by the way, I never tried my hand at curling, but I promised earlier that I would come back to other sports, like curling. I don't wish to let my fans down, so there it is. 

58  I gottago. Those Li'l Beebeez are all three a work of art. Scroll back up and look. They are Li'l Works of Art, and yes, I DO mean to be a tad cavalier about it, but I'd never dress the part. 

59  See you again.

60  Have a GREAT day. 

61  Live life.

62  Love life.

63  Love Breyer's Raspberry Cheesecake gelato.

64  Love it all.

65  Peace.

~H~

fin.