Are you fv(kin' KIDDIN' me here?
Oy, vey.
Ah, come on!
How y'all doin'?
Steady...and
Hold it right there.
BLAMMO!!!
The Once-in-a-While
Daily News
Daily News
1 A wise man once told me this: "A pie-in-the-face comes with the job."
2 I'm quite certain the reference was to acting in a play.
3 I gave that advice. Once, seriously, and then just in jib-jab conversations after that.
4 I'm writing things that pop into my head this fine Monday. Oh, did I mention I wrote the beginning of this epic piece on Monday?
5 Didn't think so.
6 I wrote the words "jib-jab" because I remember some student or other referencing a humor website with that name.
7 I no longer remember the specifics. People think that's really sad. I just think it's a gas, gas, gas.
8 Because once the memory begins failing, it morphs into a delightful song and dance.
9 I combed through all the hotshot websites looking for fun stuff to share today. Wednesday. I started this on Monday. But I finished it today. Wednesday.
10 I eventually stumbled on some website, and this definition, among others, came up for the word "jib-jab."
11 Ready?
Jib-Jab means a lot more
than that, homie.
12 Here's the essence. This is the G-rated version. Here go:
jib-jab:
noun
A language usually used when a person is intoxicated, talkin trash, or just has no idea what he or she is talking about. 80% of the time jib jab is followed by an -ss whoppin.
13
14 Think you.
15 Point of Interest: That's how my students used to say, "Thank you" phonetically.
16 "Think you."
17 I love the fact that "80% of the time jib jab is followed by an -ss whoppin."
18 There were other definitions, as there are with most words. I'd write the rest of them, but I've no time to deal with all of that. Just trust that they are pretty funny, and well worth reading. Are some of them a tad immature?
It is safe to say yes. All of them, in fact.
It is safe to say yes. All of them, in fact.
The chef suggests if you enjoyed the
appetizer, you're sure to enjoy
the main course.
19 I do, however, have to wonder how they came up with that 80% figure.
20 Ah, wilderness. It matters not.
21 The more I tack away at this, the more amazed I become at the entire concept of jib-jab.
22 My dad used to refer to loud, obnoxious sorts as "bucket-mouths." Sometimes I'd mention someone in the news, or some celebrity, and Dad, quite often in the middle of an egg-salad sandwich, would say between bites, "Ah, that guy is a bucket-mouth!"
Dad during the Wonder years.
He worked at Wonder Bread
in San Francisco.
23 The above caption was partially inaccurate. The company was called ITT Continental Bakery, but I preferred "Wonder Bread." It clearly helps build strong bodies twelve different ways. Loved that man.
24 I still do.
25 I remember when Mom passed away my going up to Dad and asking him what message he would like to have written on the flowers from all of us. Without hesitation, he said, "I Still Do."
25 Guy was smooth. And jazzy.
My pal.
26 And that is the Ponderosa behind him.
27 Class act. I prefer to think that he and Mom are watching over all of us. I put a lot of faith in that.
28 Moving On, Part One: If I were one of those Facebook people who always comes up with those cool "This or This?" questions, I'd post this one. "Who would you love to give a pie-in-the-face to?" You don't even have to make a choice, so it would be pretty easy, I trust.
29 I'd even end it with a preposition, just so nobody decides to plant a pie in my kisser for being a grammar turd-bomb.
30 For the record, I have been pied. More than once.
31 There are myriad reasons you shouldn't pie someone. For one thing, most pie-throwers are amateurs.
32 Amateur pie-throwers watch too many Three Stooges movies. In those, the pies fly cross rooms as if by magic.
33 Even a real pie wouldn't do that. It would lumber and tumble like a hungover UFO, if you are inexperienced and stupid.
34 You have to have some ground rules.
35 I have several ground rules for tossing pies into faces, the most important of which is to use Cool Whip, or any generic version. It's heavier.
36 Don't use shaving cream. Wannabe throwers blind people with that stuff. The argument that it cleans up easier is a poor argument for being a complete jerk. Ask a guy who was once blinded by a Palmolive cream pie. It was a close shave.
37 If you use Cool Whip, or any generic version, it's nicer, because whoever gets pied still gets to eat pie, if they're a good sport. It's still a mean thing to do, but at least it ends sweetly.
38
39 Yeah, I wouldn't buy that either.
40 I DID stumble upon this little gem on Monday night. I thought it pretty funny. And I despise practical jokes, but this was some good stuff. Here go, but you might wish to give thought to the plight of clowns in the article immediately beneath the picture below, then come back:
And here is the How-to Pie article. Have some laughs:
41 You never know what you're going to walk into.
42 All this stuff was gathered Monday night for you. I worked well into the wee hours of the morning trying to land this on your porch this fine morning.
43 Hope you had a giggle or two.
44 I gottago.
45 All this talk made me hungry for pie. I have a leftover one in the fridge. I'm gonna go grab it. Apple pie, or Cheerios? No brainer.
46 I fully intend to scoop a goodly portion of Cool Whip on top of it. Howzbout THAT?
47 As the Beebeez would say, "Num, num, num!"
48 Meanwhile, YOU have a great day. Eat some pie. Don't waste it by pie-ing your boss or anything like that. It's YOUR pie, and YOUR day to enjoy.
49 See you again.
50 Live life.
51 Love life.
52 And for God's sake, pie at LEAST one person before you leave this Earth. Just not today. And be sure you don't sting their eyes or break their nose. Aim a bit to the left. You'll be doing them a favor, in some sorta weird way.
53 And if I may repeat: See you again.
54 Peace.
32 Amateur pie-throwers watch too many Three Stooges movies. In those, the pies fly cross rooms as if by magic.
34 You have to have some ground rules.
35 I have several ground rules for tossing pies into faces, the most important of which is to use Cool Whip, or any generic version. It's heavier.
36 Don't use shaving cream. Wannabe throwers blind people with that stuff. The argument that it cleans up easier is a poor argument for being a complete jerk. Ask a guy who was once blinded by a Palmolive cream pie. It was a close shave.
You ain't just whistlin' Dixie, pal.
38
Blammo!!!
39 Yeah, I wouldn't buy that either.
40 I DID stumble upon this little gem on Monday night. I thought it pretty funny. And I despise practical jokes, but this was some good stuff. Here go, but you might wish to give thought to the plight of clowns in the article immediately beneath the picture below, then come back:
Selim Salguero, veteran clown, speaks of his days
as Page the Clown. Full story on this link from My Palm
Beach Post:
And here is the How-to Pie article. Have some laughs:
41 You never know what you're going to walk into.
42 All this stuff was gathered Monday night for you. I worked well into the wee hours of the morning trying to land this on your porch this fine morning.
43 Hope you had a giggle or two.
44 I gottago.
45 All this talk made me hungry for pie. I have a leftover one in the fridge. I'm gonna go grab it. Apple pie, or Cheerios? No brainer.
46 I fully intend to scoop a goodly portion of Cool Whip on top of it. Howzbout THAT?
47 As the Beebeez would say, "Num, num, num!"
48 Meanwhile, YOU have a great day. Eat some pie. Don't waste it by pie-ing your boss or anything like that. It's YOUR pie, and YOUR day to enjoy.
49 See you again.
50 Live life.
51 Love life.
52 And for God's sake, pie at LEAST one person before you leave this Earth. Just not today. And be sure you don't sting their eyes or break their nose. Aim a bit to the left. You'll be doing them a favor, in some sorta weird way.
53 And if I may repeat: See you again.
54 Peace.
fin.
