The Once-in-a-While
Daily News
1 Happy Wednesday.
2 I hope all's well.
3 This is around my eight-millionth attempt at writing this nonsense.
4 I started on Sunday night.
5 I started writing and realized that I no longer have a memory.
6 I had just remembered this.
7 This began as a sort of hit piece on Trump.
8 Instead, it morphed into what looked like a well-tailored shirt: it was themeless.
9
10 Okay, gotcha. I'll lay low.
11 I originally had over sixty items.
12 Then the machine took over.
13 Don't ever try to cross artificial intelligence.
14 It became a losing battle.
15 I can handle most things, but when a glorified typewriter starts taking over things like spacing, you're fighting a losing battle.
16 So. I wasn't kidding about the sixty items. Fifty of them consisted of my bitching about modern technology, about which I know precious little.
17 I also made the mistake of cutting and pasting stuff.
18 Never do this.
19 My keyboard went haywire.
20 I would try to "type" but each time I would hit the return button it would space down around two inches. It looked preposterous. I had a hissy fit. I took out a hanky and almost cried.
21 Insert dog.
22 Always the voice of reason.
23 It was all right out of The Twilight Zone.
24 For some reason, the TZ episode that attacked me was Season 2, Episode 15. It was called The Invaders and featured Agness Moorehead as an elderly recluse living in a dilapidated barn.
25 She gets visited.
26
27 The episode was called The Invaders, written by the talented Richard Matheson.
28 The feeling of this poor excuse for a typewriter suddenly having a mind of its own ALMOST frightened me, the same sort of fright as the old lady peering at the spaceship.
29 Almost.
30 Thank the LAWD for the dog I inserted in item 21, above. Best pet I never owned.
31 Moving On, Part One: It seems that every time I attempt to move on this morning, I wind up behind the eight ball.
32 You know those low-rent eight balls that you shake, and then they tell your fortune?
33 You wind up never throwing them away, but stowing them in a box in the garage? You don't?
34 Here. These were made by Mattel. The answers are heroically inconsistent. The little floating pyramid gets indecisive. Hit the link, not the ball.
35 And thank the LAWD for that, too!
36 I gotta get another job.
37 Anybody lookin'?
40 Ah, not likely.
41 Moving On, Part Two: Think it'll rain?
42 I just wanted to let some of you know that I hope you are all okay. This weather has affected LOTS of you, so in all seriousness, I hope you are all okay.
43 Moving On, Part the Thoid: There seems to be a blemish on my "m" key.
44 On my iPhone I have some low-budget app that claims it can remove blemishes.
45 You believe that and I have a bridge I'd like to sell ya.
46 Here's what happens when I try to remove a blemish from my "m.":
m
47 Do you believe that s#it?
48 Removes blemishes. Indeed!
49 I hate to burst your bubble #<ohpleasgodno!> but you can't really remove blemishes.
50 So.
51 Seriously, is there anybody lookin'?
52
53 Say it ain't so.
54 WHEN do pitchers and catchers report?
55 Whaaaaaaattttttt???????
56 And I will again ask this of the grammar gods: why is there an apostrophe in ain't?
57 Ohhhhhh.
58 It means "ai not."
59
24 For some reason, the TZ episode that attacked me was Season 2, Episode 15. It was called The Invaders and featured Agness Moorehead as an elderly recluse living in a dilapidated barn.
25 She gets visited.
26
27 The episode was called The Invaders, written by the talented Richard Matheson.
28 The feeling of this poor excuse for a typewriter suddenly having a mind of its own ALMOST frightened me, the same sort of fright as the old lady peering at the spaceship.
29 Almost.
30 Thank the LAWD for the dog I inserted in item 21, above. Best pet I never owned.
31 Moving On, Part One: It seems that every time I attempt to move on this morning, I wind up behind the eight ball.
32 You know those low-rent eight balls that you shake, and then they tell your fortune?
33 You wind up never throwing them away, but stowing them in a box in the garage? You don't?
34 Here. These were made by Mattel. The answers are heroically inconsistent. The little floating pyramid gets indecisive. Hit the link, not the ball.
35 And thank the LAWD for that, too!
36 I gotta get another job.
37 Anybody lookin'?
40 Ah, not likely.
41 Moving On, Part Two: Think it'll rain?
42 I just wanted to let some of you know that I hope you are all okay. This weather has affected LOTS of you, so in all seriousness, I hope you are all okay.
43 Moving On, Part the Thoid: There seems to be a blemish on my "m" key.
44 On my iPhone I have some low-budget app that claims it can remove blemishes.
45 You believe that and I have a bridge I'd like to sell ya.
46 Here's what happens when I try to remove a blemish from my "m.":
m
47 Do you believe that s#it?
48 Removes blemishes. Indeed!
49 I hate to burst your bubble #<ohpleasgodno!> but you can't really remove blemishes.
50 So.
51 Seriously, is there anybody lookin'?
52
53 Say it ain't so.
54 WHEN do pitchers and catchers report?
55 Whaaaaaaattttttt???????
56 And I will again ask this of the grammar gods: why is there an apostrophe in ain't?
57 Ohhhhhh.
58 It means "ai not."
59
60 Gottago.
61 See you again.
62 Have a GREAT day.
63 Live life.
64 Love life.
65 Peace.
~H~
fin.
