The Once-in-a-While 

Daily News

1  Whew. Incoming. Run for cover. 

2  That's how I felt all Saturday afternoon.

3  I knew going down to the Bay Area was going to be fun, and we had a LOT of great moments with Jack "Mr. Moo" Seymour. He's a sweet little guy, and he loves to hug and hug. 

4  I split my time enjoying this Li'l Prince, and trying to put songs together for the "riff" challenge I talked of last week. 

5  Challenge indeed. 

6  First off, I realized quite early that my nerves could no longer take filming myself, performing live, nor doing any sort of performing. 

7  Those Who Can't. 

8  I have absolutely NO idea as to how I EVER got on stage and sang, ever.

9  I used to just hop up and do it. I'd practice 15 to 20 songs, get a basic idea of when to look at the neck of the guitar, and some idea of lyrics, and when to breathe. 

10  Hell, nowadays I have to pinch myself in the booty to remember to breathe. 

11

12  Breathe...

13  I decided that I wanted to feature my very first good guitar, a now beat-up old fella that I refer to lovingly as Scratch, a Yamaha FG-200. I was at University in Chico, California. And yes, everything they say about the place is true. Scout's honor. 

14  It must have been a bazillion years ago that I walked into a local guitar store in downtown Chico, looked around, and found Scratch. I sat down, strummed some jazz chord, and got knocked out by the booming tone coming out of this mildly expensive guitar. 

15  Some stoned hippy-dude came up to me and asked me if I liked the sound. I got guitar-hustler vibes, even though he was a classic mellow fellow. I think the guy was high, because he spoke in diphthongs. 

16  A stoned mellow fellow in Chico who speaks in diphthongs?

17

18  Well...yes. There are lots. 

19  AnywayZ...

20  #hashtagthereisnozorsinthewordanyway

21  ANYWAYZ...

22  "Sehew. Do you like the sehound?" he said. 

23  "Yeah...uh yeah, a whole bunch." I said. 

24  "Would you like to buy it?"

25  The broke college guy in me stepped up. "Oh...nah, nah, that's okay..." I said. 

26  As I recall, it was around $300 at the time, reasonably high for a guitar in those days. . 

27  "I couldn't afford this; I'm a student and..."

28  "You could have this for $10 a month 'til it's paid ahoff," he said. 

29  "Really? Do I have to give you a down payment or anything?"

30  "Just ten bucks, and it's yours," he said. 

31  You know that rush that happens to you when you realize something completely out of your budget could still be attained?

32

33         

example.

34  Yeah, that. 

35  For the riff challenge, I decided to clean old Scratch up, re-string, and bring him back up to, well, scratch.

36  <basketball buzzer>

37  I had done well, taking off a few strings, cleaning everything up using furniture spray <WARNING: DO NOT USE FURNITURE SPRAY ON ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENT. EVER>

38  So I sprayed a generic form of Lemon Pledge onto Scratch. He enjoyed it, and it renewed him. I thought I was home free.

39  And then I got to the G-String. 

40

41   Yes, ladies and gentlemen. The third string on a guitar is the G-String. It has to be called the G-String because it is, well, a G. 

42  I am also a G.

43  NVM. 

44  Here is a picture of a G-string:

45

46 AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! QUICKOHNVM...

47  FTR, that is not a guitar G-string. 

48  And this is all supposed to be G-rated. 

49  But I digress.

50  Now the G tuning peg is held onto the guitar by a screw that cannot be held between the fingers of any human being walking the planet. 

51  You're still staring up at that G-string, aren't you, you naughty boy. 

52  AnywayZ...

53  That little screw popped out of the tuning peg and fell down the side of the sofa chair in Nicoley's living room. 

54  I looked on the chair, but knew the little evasive thing  found that slot between the arm and the cushion, and hid itself among spiky nails facing up. Chairs do that. Be forewarned. 

55  I slid my hand down, and one of those spiky nails punctured my finger, and I when I pulled it out, the blood gushed. I wrapped it in paper towels, and then realized my Band Aids were in the trunk of my Altima. The car was parked up the street, but when I got there I realized I had forgotten the car key. 

56  EVENTUALLY all that stuff righted itself; the Band Aid stopped the bleeding, but I had to run to The Starving Musician to get a screw that no human hand could hold for more than a few seconds. 

57  Like most guitar-shop dudes, this guy was young and mellow, and happy to take an hour helping find just the right screw for the job. I didn't think to bring Scratch, because he looked like a dog with a banged-up ear. The tuning peg was hanging by one small screw, and this huge string was dangling from it. I told the guy I woulda brought the guitar in, but it was sort of embarrassing. 

58  He understood. It's a guitar-dude thing. 

I did bring in my current Yamaha, Annabel, very much designed the same as Scratch. I left him to take the peg off. I thought, "Get a new strap!" My old guitar strap kept falling off, and my guitar would hit the ground. So I found a jet black strap, and brought it back to the counter. Guitar hippy dude delicately found five tiny screws of various sizes, just in case. We agreed on which ones, and he came up with the amazingly low price of 87 cents, the lowest-priced thing I have ever purchased, in my life. I looked back up at the guy and there was a halo right over the top of his head. That's what lack of sleep can do for you. 

59  I paid my 87 cents, and went back to Nicoley's. I told them the story, but Li'l Jack was holding court. Cuteness always rules the day at moments like these. I couldn't wait to strap on Scratch and see how he'd sound. I finished with the stringing and the tuning and Scratch was ready to go!

60  The tuning pegs sort of bumped into each other there around the G-area, but other than that, Scratch sounded as good as ever, except for one note on the high E string. "Ah, I'll never need that note," I said to no one in particular. I also knew that every single song that has a note in that area was going to get a clank. You know this. 

61  I realized then that I had forgotten to buy the strap. I was so overjoyed at the 87 cents that it didn't dawn on me that I had forgotten to buy the guitar strap. That was fine; I could just sit on the sofa chair and play. I thought I'd try Scarborough Fair, because I've always been pretty good at picking that one. 

62  <basketball buzzer>

63  Scarborough Fair requires use of the right ring finger. The right ring finger had a huge Band Aid on it, muffling the picking AND leaving sticky stuff on the generically Lemon-Pledged Scratch...

64  Saturday was just Day 6 of the "riff" challenge. I managed to slipslide my way through Paul Simon's Me and Julio Down by the School Yard, and afterwards, I slid across the floor and crashed into a fence. 

65  Metaphorically speaking. 

66  I'm not sure if I have nailed a day in the life of a working musician, but I'll bet I've come close. I'm just not used to setting up in all sorts of different places and trying to get a nice sound, nice lighting, non-raspy voice from lack of sleep, and all that comes with it. 

67  I have an alternate soul that I talk to every now and again. His name is Cabal. He's sort of my very own Mr. Natural. I asked him what it all means.

68  The wraithy dude said this: "It's called 'gigging.' " 

69  I gottago. Thanks for the challenge, men. I don't remember when I've ever been more nervous, but it was a lot of fun listening to how good you have all become. As for me, just four words: Those Who Can't. 

70  See you again.

71  Live life.

72  Love life.

73  Peace. 

~H~

fin.

The Once-in-a While 

Daily News

1  There are monsters, and then there are monsters.

2  I wanted to expand my horizons this past week.

3  Last year around this time, a bunch of musicians, mostly former students, gathered like storm clouds and began this crazy thing called a "riff" challenge. 

4  I joined last year, but backed out after a few days. The idea of the riff challenge is to post ten "riffs" in ten days. That's a bit rough for a guy who has done most of his sawing with cheap fills and an occasional thump on the face of the guitar. 

5  I don't consider myself a guitarist. I love cooking, but I don't consider myself a chef either. 

6  Nor do I consider myself any sort of musician, as I can prove any time I pick up a guitar. 

7  Those who can't. 

8  I want to make a tee-shirt that says "Those who can't." I love playing guitar and singing, and I love all musicians, just because. And as a guy who was never much good anyway, I'm more self-conscious than ever. Those who can't. 

9  A younger version of myself could sort of fake it on stage. That's the secret to guitar: you can fake it. Sir Paul McCartney admitted that he would often fake stuff on stage, because the live audience won't notice when the voice cracks, or the finger lands on the wrong note. It may interest a few to know that music stores offer books on how to fake it on instruments. 

10  If you go into any music store, you can usually find a ton of guitar "Fake Books" at your leisure. I always loved those!

example.

11  Anyway, about a month ago I started playing and practicing guitar because I thought my li'l Beebeez, Isla, Maren, and Jack might enjoy listening to music I loved when I was but a wee lad. 

12  At around the same time <see "about a month ago," above> I decided to get us a pair of tix to see a Beatle. Sir Paul McCartney was coming to the Golden 1 Center right here in Sacramento. First concert there EVER. 

13  I scored two seats in the nosebleed area, but what a night.

14  I'd seen Paul a few times through the years, but this one seemed special.

Sir Paul, 2016

15  The crowd was down-home Beatlemania crazies, and they came in all ages and sizes. 

16  My personal claim to fame as a fake guitarist, if I had one, was that I knew the entire Side Two of Abbey Road, technically the last album the Beatles made (Let it Be came out later, but was recorded earlier). 

17  I always thought Side Two of Abbey Road a masterpiece. The Beatles weren't just a pop group. They became so over-rated that they became underrated. And Paul was a charmer,  and a Teddy Boy. Lennon was the rebellious Rocker. Lennon had more credibility to a lot of people, including me. I loved Paul's ballads, but he would often stray into cringe songs (Wonderful Christmas Time, Silly Love Songs, stuff like that). Lennon had acerbic wit, and a tough-guy image, despite peace and love and all that rot. He also had some bad tunes, but we'll let it slide. Good guy, in the end. 

18  But I digress, dare I admit and yet I leave it in... 

Side two of Abbey Road...I loved it. When they recorded it, they had finally accepted that the band was done, that the Beatles had to break up, and that they had to move in new directions. 

19  My daughter Nicoley gave me an amazing book for Christmas. It's called The Beatles Complete Scores, and it contains 1129 pages of Beatles' music, from A Day in the Life to Your Mother Should know, in alphabetical order!

 The amount of songs produced in a little over ten years astonishes. And in my humble opinion,  Side Two of Abbey Road rises above Sgt. Pepper, or Rubber Soul, or any of the others. Brilliant music, almost all. But Abbey Road is an acceptance-of-a break-up album. That soul isn't made of rubber. It's made of soul. 

The Book.

20 And it's sort of funny, because I have two guitars on stands in my living room. Each time I get in the mood to play, I pick up my Yamaha, Annabel. And for whatever reason, I begin almost each time with We Can Work it Out, not even one of their best, but I enjoy messing with the chords on that tune. 

21  Life is very short, and there's no taha-ha-hahahm for fussing and fighting, my friend... 

22  At the concert, Paul suddenly began that tune, and I thought to myself, "I'm going to sing this entire song aloud and harmonize with Paul. We're in the same building, right?"

And somehow, somewhere, I have a recording of it!!! I just can't find it because I have six-hundred-million pictures and videos on my phone. That's a story for another day. But I did sing all of We Can Work it Out with Paul McCartney. We were within a mile of each other and indoors, so that counts. 

23  I now have those bragging rights. I'm sure I sang with him, and it occurred to me, I have sung with many great bands over the years. Hell, I used to sell shirts at rock concerts. 

24  But I could go to my grave knowing full well that I sang We Can Work it Out with Paul McCartney. 

25  That concert made you feel that he could have shown up at Bella Bru, our local pub, and throw down a few pints, and get the place going. 

26  Music. 

27  Moving On, Part One: It's mid-week, Tuesday, and early afternoon as I tack this stuff out. I'm at Caitlin's house with Helene, Caitlin, Isla and Maren. Those two Beebz have rocketed around all morning. We played with lots of toys, read several books, and had fun with the guitar, a Jay Turser that I never named. We rocked a lot of songs. Isla listens, and dances to the music, and even applauds at the ends of songs. Maren likes drumming! I lay the guitar on its side and she joins me in percussive sessions. She also prefers a little jumper that turns her into a perfect cross between Mick Fleetwood and Keith Moon. 

28  She drums with a huge smile on her face, and if we aren't paying attention, she'll give a scream that fits right between the beats.

29  She's got a backbeat you can't lose, any old time she'll chose it. 

30  Love, love, love.

31  Moving On, Part Two: And...we're goin' to Coley's to visit, and to see Coley, Matt, Jack, AND Rocky the Rockstar. 

33  Here's a picture of Lil' Jack:

Jack and Giraffe.

34  I stole this from Nicoley's Facebook. I absolutely love everything about this picture. Can't wait to get down there and see these guys!

35  Moving On, Part the Thoid: I'd like to throw a few Thank You's out there. First, thanks to Caitlin, Helene, and the Beebeez, Maren and Isla for putting up with me doing the riff challenge. I've been pretty useless as good help lately because I've worked on the music. It is fast-paced, and extremely taxing. I turned out house into a recording studio, and got moody because I didn't know how to work with film (amazingly, I don't). 

36  I'd also like to thank everyone who spoke kind of my performances. Each one meant a lot, and people were quite nice with some of my raspy playing. I'd especially like to thank Gabe, Chris, Geoff, and Richard for launching the entire thing and bringing in some brilliant pieces of music.

37  There are monsters, and then there are monsters.

38  And it is still mid-week. Did you know if you say the word "buffalo" eight times in a row, it creates a grammatically correct sentence? Chew on that. 

39  Right now, I gotttago. 

40  Bay Area, here I come! I won't be able to visit this time 'round, 'cuz I'll be busy enjoying Li'l Jack, and goofing with Rocky, Coley, Matt, and Rene. Looking forward to the visit!

41  So.

42  Rock on. 

43  Gottago.

44   See you again.

45   Peace.

~H~

fin.

The Once-in-a-While 

News

Friday, October 14, 2016

1  A few days ago I made the mistake of promising something and then welshing. 

2  At least I THINK I promised something, and then welshed. 

3  I think I even misspelled "welsh."

4  Sometimes I think I must go mad. 

5

6          

7  What was it?

8  Oh. Yeah. I was going to post a link to all of my Daily Newses going back as far as I could. 

9  The Daily News began in 1996, when I would post things on the office hallway wall in the performing arts' building at Yerba Buena High School in San Jose. We were doing Guys and Dolls, and this began as a "where" and "what time" info-center for everyone involved in the Show. 

10  I always capitalized Show, as though it were sacrosanct. 

11  Anyway, I remembered that I had done a series of writing lessons between September and December in 2015. They were pretty good lessons, as I used Stephen King, Amy Tan, and other great writers as advisors. I also included grammar lessons from an old Warriner's English Grammar and Composition book, as well as a book by a fellow named Roy Peter Clark, who published a little gem called Writing Tools. 

12  I also kept the Daily News going even after my retirement from teaching. I had moved from YB up to Evergreen Valley High School, where I worked as the Activities' Director, and as a member of the English department. 

13  Even in retirement it was quite a chore. 

14  Teaching doesn't play well in movies or on teevee. 

15   Schools never play well in films. For one thing, Hollywood provides some of the following idiocies:

     a.  The class size of most schools is around twelve, with                        one class clown, one thug, stupid jokes, and some 

           form of drama. 

      b. Teachers are rarely shown grading papers at home.

           When people would talk to me about teaching, many

           would say, "I don't see how you guys put up with all

           those kids!" In my eyes, the kids were always the best                      part of the job. Grading papers, on the other hand...

           A good teacher will spend a bazillion hours grading 

           things and keeping the grade book up to date. It 

           becomes utter madness, and drives most teachers

           insane. 

        c. Teachers will go to a student's house to try assisting

            the student. I don't know about anyone else, but I

            rarely had the time to go to Staples for paper. 

         d. Like all jobs, meetings would drive people mad. 

             Even the best meetings would wear a person down.

16  You get the point. So the DN ran for quite some time in various guises and apps over the years. 

17  I decided that I'm going to get something out there once a week, and hopefully it will link up to old DN's. It's fun to go back in time and scroll forward. I don't know if that is possible. 

18  I also don't even know if a lot of the links are still active. I think Blogger probably hunted some stuff down and disarmed things. That means you may run into a dead link.

19  So it goes. 

20  So it goes. 

21  So that's about it. The Daily News is once more revived, but with no obligations, and with no promises.  

22  I randomly stated somewhere that I would try to get things out on Wednesdays, but I don't want to welsh, so I won't promise that one. 

23  Anyway, I think I'll cast this line into the stream and see if I get any feed. 

24  I'll attempt more lousy analogies and idiotic metaphors as needs be. 

25  Why disappoint? 

26  And I'll post it on Wastebook. Whyever wouldn't I?

27  <Looking out the window> It's massively overcast. I think I'm going to hit the tanning salon. 

28  I gottago.

29  See you again. 

30  I promise. 

31  If you trust that, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.

32  Gottago.

33   Peace. 

fin.