The Daily News

1  Got two days ahead on this stuff when I began figuring out the meaning of an enigmatic fortune cookie that I came upon the other day. 

2  It contained the wisdom of Buddha AND Cat Stevens, who I am convinced is Ru-Paul. Something like that. 

3  This is what happens when you have too much time on your hands. 

4  What are you supposed to do here in almost 2016?

5  I just roam around with my Cargos on, hoping for Spring.

6  Have you reached a point where Christmas should have taken place a week ago?

7  Yeah?

8  Me neither.

9  I haven't spent enough money quite yet. And yes, I am being facetious. 

10  Moving On, Part One: I awakened yesterday morning much more peaceably, if there exists such a word.

11  As usual, I couldn't sleep the night before, particularly after a stormy and oddly weird weekend.

12   Thank God that today is Garbage Day.

13   So. The fortune cookie. I got it when I ordered the House Special Fried Rice from this restaurant near my house. For the record, it is called Chang's.

14  I consider it a Sacramento delight.

15  Their fried rice reminds me of the House Special Fried Rice at the Gold Star Restaurant, King and Tully, from days' long since past. I became an instant fan of Chang's on that alone. 

16  The Gold Star was Chinese, and had the best food on the East Side at one time. Many show decisions were made at the Gold Star. Their Shrimp With Double Mushrooms was off the charts.  

17  As with anything else, it changed hands, as well as menus.

18  The fortune cookie from Chang's intrigued me. 

19   Here was my fortune: 

  In this world it is not what we take up, but what we give up that makes us rich.

20  Wow. I gave up all my resolutions from last year. Am I richer as a result?

21  I liked that fortune enough to fold it into my wallet, along with stamps, passwords, and secret handshakes. I had to give it another look so that I could wrap my head around this exotic wisdom coming to me from Chang's. 

22  It is a determinate planet, this Earth of ours. 

23   What nailed this nonsense for me was the flip side of the fortune cookie.

24   It had this to say:

  LEARN CHINESE - Father's Day

  This was followed by a bunch of Chinese hashtags which I'm pretty much convinced translated into this:

Lucky Numbers: 12, 24, 31,10, 47, and 15.

25  Interestingly, as I wrote this nonsense late last night  I remembered that I had put the fortune cookie into my wallet.

26  I knew that this bit of news had to enter the DN, so I kept it under lock and key until I became certain as to what the thing was attempting to tell me. 

27  I had the entire first part of this pre-written, but the fortune cookie had to be checked for accuracy, as well as for ambiguity.

28  Last night, as I wrote this stuff, I pulled my wallet out for the Lucky Numbers. Then an interesting thing happened. 

29  The Chinese fortune flew out of my hand, and lodged itself into my Lay-Z-Boy-look-alike Le Luge. Somehow, the fortune slipped past me, and went straight down the side and into the folds of the chair. 

30  I could contact agents of the U.S. Government spy agencies and I am convinced even those sneaky fellows would find themselves incapable of extracting that small message from Le Luge. 

31  Fortunately for me, I had already written a rough draft of this, so the Lucky Numbers remained.

32  The teeny fortune, I'm afraid, is doomed to remain embedded in the folds of Le Luge for eternity.

33  I almost lost my knuckles in vain efforts to rescue the lad.

34  As I've often quoted, "O, the humanity!"

35  Moving On, Part Two: I'm not sure as to where I am supposed to cash in on this clandestine info. "Lucky Numbers" implies Lottery.

36  That's gambling. I generally avoid gambling. 

37  Ha.

38  That would be a scene. 

39  Here would be a guy who is clearly anti-gambling winning bazillions based on the numbers from a lost fortune cookie.

40  With all due respect, that stuff would go viral. Human interest. 

41  And I don't even like gambling.  I don't judge gamblers. I just never liked it. Listen: The first time I ever gambled in a casino, I was broke, save for one roll of quarters my Dad gave me so I could have a bit of fun up in Tahoe.

42  When I was a kid, I used to love leaning over rails and watching slot machines. I loved the casinos. We used to trek to Reno for vacations. It was only later that we decided Tahoe was nicer. But Reno always charmed me. So when my Dad gave me that roll, I had a feeling I'd gamble well into the night, which is what people who gamble do. I figured I'd be dragging myself back to the motel at around 3 or 4 in the morning. 

48  <basketball buzzer> I ran that roll dry within five minutes on a single slot machine. No play. Zilch. 

49   I became that guy you always see sitting on a stool with his empty cup of coins, staring at the carpet. 

50  Now I chuckle whenever I see that guy. 

51  Well, I wrote all this nonsense last night late. I'm still desperately trying to put some sort of meaning into that message.

52  I had shopped, made crab cakes, fell once again in love with the babies, and then put my feet up. I thought, and then realized that I'd rather lose money Christmas shopping than waste it in a casino. Hmmm. Here is the fortune once more: 

In this world it is not what we take up, but what we give up that makes us rich.

So that's a story of how I never took up gambling, and how I gave up gambling.

53  And I'd rather see babies smile at Christmas time. In a way, I did get rich. Here are the babies Christmas shopping yesterday. I hope their little glances help enrich your day. 

54  Fun stuff. Cute, cute babies. I gottago now. 

55  Have a GREAT day, and we'll see you again. 

56  Peace.

~H~

fin.