The Daily News
1 Friday!
2 Quick week.
3 I decided that yesterday, I wrapped my last present.
4 Ever. No Birthdays. No Holidays. No Baby Showers.
5 I found myself already inadequate at putting bag-and-tissue gifts together. I You-Tubed a video that featured a girl who posted a 56-second piece on how to bag a present.
6 She used a dishrag as a prop. She put it diagonally on the tissue paper, pulled the tissue into marvelously huge tissue-leaves, and jammed it all into a decorative bag. It looked splendid.
7 I became monstrously amused. "Any idiot could do that!" I said, to no one in particular.
8 I'm not just any idiot.
9 The girl mentioned that the secret to a good bag-and-tissue present is to be sure not to wrinkle the tissue.
10 At this point, we departed ways.
11 I believe myself incapable of not wrinkling gift tissue.
12 I also tend to get coffee or water on the tissue, rendering it decoratively useless.
13 So I remained staring at all of the wrapping stuff I bought, and found myself stymied as to how to approach all of it.
14 I procrastinated.
15 It challenged me. I must confess it motivated me to master the fine art of gift-wrapping.
16 I find it a transferable skill.
17 I couldn't wait to try it with a real bag-and-tissue present.
18 I looked at my Christmas gifts. I had nothing as small as a dishrag.
19 It's the dead of winter.
20 You buy winter stuff during December.
21 I had a bath robe, not a dishrag.
22 If you've given bath robes as presents, you know they are never small.
23 I took out two sheets of tissue paper and a gift bag.
24
25 Okay. I examined the situation, and then I took out three sheets of colorful tissue and a much larger gift bag.
26 I then put it diagonally on the tissue paper, pulled the tissue into marvelously huge tissue-leaves, and jammed it all into a decorative bag.
27 I underestimated how big a bag I needed for the bath robe.
28 I decided to give it a go. Mr. Patience. I counted to ten, calmed myself, and proceeded.
29 I meticulously grabbed the tissue, which collapsed on its own, causing me to attempt a rescue, further wrinkling and distorting it so that it lost much of its luster.
30 How did it look?
31 Did you ever make a lousy project in high school?
32 Like that. Could I fix it? After all, I did challenge myself.
33 I then became the new me. I could find answers to these challenges by using simple patience. Or the Force.
34 I jumped on You Tube again, pressed for an answer.
35 I got some cheerleader wrap artist who informed me to "...give it your all, no matter what!"
36 Logical advice.
37 And, if I may, all apologies go out to my DN followers for the "wrap artist" play on words. She did do a rap, but a really lousy one. Cutesy Pinterest stuff.
38 Never again. Promise. I did manage to spruce the present up a little: I straightened out the tissues, and added curly ribbons, all of which made it look a little better.
39 Moving On, Part One: Although the effort had unraveled, I did force myself to bag a couple of gifts the right way. I needed to get away for a bit, and reconsider everything that had gone down. I was a wreck. It's one thing to challenge yourself. It's another thing to execute. How could you let wrapping presents stress you out? I was a sodden rag.
40 I got out, took a breather, and returned ready for the real challenge.
41 I was to wrap a Christmas present. No gift bag. I was to put it in a box, the correct way, and make it look classic.
42 It was a cool gift. I got one of those cheap boxes that come in packages of two, and grabbed some tissue. I became logical, and cut it to fit the inside of the box. I laid the gifts flat inside, and delicately laid some tissue across the top, so that it opened up to the present.
43 Notice I'm not revealing what the present is. Think mittens.
44 Now came the real challenge: I bought a roll of wrapping paper that must have been four feet in length. Last minute purchase. It stuck out of the bag like a super-long baguette. It was awkward getting the thing into my trunk.
45 When I pulled it out for the mitten gift, it seemed enormous. I couldn't remember how wrap-girl measured it. I just remember that it was similar to what I have always done.
46 The wrapper girl didn't do anything I didn't do; she just added a little patience. That's all I needed.
47 <basketball buzzer>
48 I cut it nicely, or so I thought. It was dazzling gift wrap. I smiled, because it really was pretty.
49 I got all of it started. It folded nicely. Quality stuff.
50 I folded all sides pretty well, and anything uneven was cut with scissors.
51 Then I came to the final fold.
52 It didn't match at all. I lost patience. I kept snipping at different corners until a zig-zag materialized. It looked terrible, but relatively unnoticeable. My heart sank. "Oh well!" I thought. "I'll fancy it up with some ribbon!"
53
54 Since I was anxious, and lacked patience, I decided to take it out to the tree, which was lit. Instead of ruining the ambiance, I refused to turn on the lamp.
55 The ribbon was curled and folded exactly in half, so it draped like a poodle's ears. I tried to get the tape exactly in the middle, but it kept refusing. I must have tried six different pieces of tape, and then I decided to bring it back into the other room, the one with the large coffee table.
56 And with unambiant lighting. It still fought me, but I conquered it. I looked down at the present. I noticed a tiny piece of tape had fastened to the coffee table. I tried taking it off, and it got worse. I was convinced it was going to remain a permanent part of the table.
57 I gave up, took the present back to the other room, and gently leaned it against a gift box that was made by Hallmark.
58 It fit right into the lit tree, the other presents, and the Hallmark box. You couldn't see the zig-zags, and the ribbon glittered brightly with the lights.
59 So it all worked. Still, I don't see ever trying to wrap a present again. I'll go bags. I'm convinced I could conquer that one. Box presents? Never again.
60 I say that now, of course.
61 Well, I gottago. I'm going down to the Bay Area tonight and tomorrow. I won't be down long enough to visit, because we are visiting Matt and Coley.
62 I hope to get down there again sometime soon, but I also have two cuties to watch. I'm not sure when I could break away.
63 Meanwhile, you have a GREAT weekend. Get your gifts wrapped. You still have a little time. Oh, and catch up on your Star Wars. I watched The Empire Strikes Back during last evening's bout of insomnia. Loved it. I hope to catch Jedi after writing this, and then I head out.
64 See you again.
65 Peace.
15 It challenged me. I must confess it motivated me to master the fine art of gift-wrapping.
16 I find it a transferable skill.
17 I couldn't wait to try it with a real bag-and-tissue present.
18 I looked at my Christmas gifts. I had nothing as small as a dishrag.
19 It's the dead of winter.
20 You buy winter stuff during December.
21 I had a bath robe, not a dishrag.
22 If you've given bath robes as presents, you know they are never small.
23 I took out two sheets of tissue paper and a gift bag.
24
25 Okay. I examined the situation, and then I took out three sheets of colorful tissue and a much larger gift bag.
26 I then put it diagonally on the tissue paper, pulled the tissue into marvelously huge tissue-leaves, and jammed it all into a decorative bag.
27 I underestimated how big a bag I needed for the bath robe.
28 I decided to give it a go. Mr. Patience. I counted to ten, calmed myself, and proceeded.
29 I meticulously grabbed the tissue, which collapsed on its own, causing me to attempt a rescue, further wrinkling and distorting it so that it lost much of its luster.
30 How did it look?
31 Did you ever make a lousy project in high school?
32 Like that. Could I fix it? After all, I did challenge myself.
33 I then became the new me. I could find answers to these challenges by using simple patience. Or the Force.
34 I jumped on You Tube again, pressed for an answer.
35 I got some cheerleader wrap artist who informed me to "...give it your all, no matter what!"
36 Logical advice.
37 And, if I may, all apologies go out to my DN followers for the "wrap artist" play on words. She did do a rap, but a really lousy one. Cutesy Pinterest stuff.
38 Never again. Promise. I did manage to spruce the present up a little: I straightened out the tissues, and added curly ribbons, all of which made it look a little better.
39 Moving On, Part One: Although the effort had unraveled, I did force myself to bag a couple of gifts the right way. I needed to get away for a bit, and reconsider everything that had gone down. I was a wreck. It's one thing to challenge yourself. It's another thing to execute. How could you let wrapping presents stress you out? I was a sodden rag.
40 I got out, took a breather, and returned ready for the real challenge.
41 I was to wrap a Christmas present. No gift bag. I was to put it in a box, the correct way, and make it look classic.
42 It was a cool gift. I got one of those cheap boxes that come in packages of two, and grabbed some tissue. I became logical, and cut it to fit the inside of the box. I laid the gifts flat inside, and delicately laid some tissue across the top, so that it opened up to the present.
43 Notice I'm not revealing what the present is. Think mittens.
45 When I pulled it out for the mitten gift, it seemed enormous. I couldn't remember how wrap-girl measured it. I just remember that it was similar to what I have always done.
46 The wrapper girl didn't do anything I didn't do; she just added a little patience. That's all I needed.
47 <basketball buzzer>
48 I cut it nicely, or so I thought. It was dazzling gift wrap. I smiled, because it really was pretty.
49 I got all of it started. It folded nicely. Quality stuff.
50 I folded all sides pretty well, and anything uneven was cut with scissors.
51 Then I came to the final fold.
52 It didn't match at all. I lost patience. I kept snipping at different corners until a zig-zag materialized. It looked terrible, but relatively unnoticeable. My heart sank. "Oh well!" I thought. "I'll fancy it up with some ribbon!"
53
54 Since I was anxious, and lacked patience, I decided to take it out to the tree, which was lit. Instead of ruining the ambiance, I refused to turn on the lamp.
55 The ribbon was curled and folded exactly in half, so it draped like a poodle's ears. I tried to get the tape exactly in the middle, but it kept refusing. I must have tried six different pieces of tape, and then I decided to bring it back into the other room, the one with the large coffee table.
56 And with unambiant lighting. It still fought me, but I conquered it. I looked down at the present. I noticed a tiny piece of tape had fastened to the coffee table. I tried taking it off, and it got worse. I was convinced it was going to remain a permanent part of the table.
57 I gave up, took the present back to the other room, and gently leaned it against a gift box that was made by Hallmark.
58 It fit right into the lit tree, the other presents, and the Hallmark box. You couldn't see the zig-zags, and the ribbon glittered brightly with the lights.
59 So it all worked. Still, I don't see ever trying to wrap a present again. I'll go bags. I'm convinced I could conquer that one. Box presents? Never again.
60 I say that now, of course.
61 Well, I gottago. I'm going down to the Bay Area tonight and tomorrow. I won't be down long enough to visit, because we are visiting Matt and Coley.
62 I hope to get down there again sometime soon, but I also have two cuties to watch. I'm not sure when I could break away.
63 Meanwhile, you have a GREAT weekend. Get your gifts wrapped. You still have a little time. Oh, and catch up on your Star Wars. I watched The Empire Strikes Back during last evening's bout of insomnia. Loved it. I hope to catch Jedi after writing this, and then I head out.
64 See you again.
65 Peace.
~H~
fin.
No comments:
Post a Comment