The Daily News

1  How're things?

2  I'm getting back to normal.

3  In college, I lived on Normal Ave.

4  I really did.

5  Personally, I don't think there's too much normal about me. 

6  The night before last, for example, I got home from watching the babies at around 9 p.m. 

7   I settled in a bit later. I turned on the Christmas tree lights, as well as other ambient lighting, and decided to turn the teevee to an oldies-music channel. I turned the sound bar up to what I can describe only as "exercise mode," and proceeded to walk around the house at ten-minute intervals. 

8  I have a health app on my phone; it measures steps, miles, and days. 

9  Just before midnight, I looked at the app to see how far I had walked that day.

10  Believe it or not, I had walked 3.24 miles. In the house. 

11  I loved it. 

12  Any sort of exercise is good for a man my age. Going beyond the normal movements and then measuring extra walking is an easy way to do this. I did long routes, circling a table in the living room, moving past two guitars, twisting by the dining room table, going first into my office, then dashing down the hallway, into the master bedroom, and just as quickly, going back to the kitchen sink. 

13  My sink sits on a small kitchen island. I did short laps around that thing. I moved pretty fast, for an Old Brown Shoe.

14  I also slept around eight hours without awakening, a miracle of sorts, if you are aware of my interminable knack for insomnia.

15  Right now it is last night, at around 8:20. 

16  We just finished an In-N-Out feast. I got animal fries. My own decision, not gonna lie. I walked for them, right? When I finished, I turned the container upside down.

17  It had what appeared to be a football score on it. 

18  Proverbs won, 24-16.

19  Huh?

20  Oh. Okay.

21  <ahem> I've just been informed that Proverbs: 24-16 is a passage from the Bible. I happen to have a King James version of the Bible right here. 

22  Here is Proverbs: 24-16:

For a man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.

23  Now let me get this straight. I've worked for a couple of months trying to get some walking in each day. I don't always succeed, but I have been doing that regularly.

24  I became vigilant this past week, since it officially rang in the holidays. 

25  I slipped now and again, but walked enough that it should have been okay.

26  So I definitely fallethed, arguably seven times, but I also rosethed up again. 

27  I found it dreadfully ironic that the underbelly of the animal fries told me that the wicked shall fall into mischief.

28  Well yeah. I fell into the animal fries.

29  By Jove, I've been touched by the Lord!

30  What a creative way to let me know.

31  Prepare ye the way of the Lord, and it would appear that one good way to Prepare ye is to have In-n-Out meals. 

32  

33  Anybody lookin'?

34  

35  After I saw the bottom of the animal fries, I goofed on the first 31 items here newly placed. I thought of how many people had religious experiences on finishing animal fries from In-n-Out.

36  I'd pursue it further, but this stuff is idiotic enough without chasing a lead like that.

37  

38  Okay. I'll have a peek. 

39  Don't go anywhere.

40  Okay, I combed The-Source-That-Nobody-Wants-to-Use- But-That-Everybody-Uses Wiki, and got waylaid. They had an entire section of the Bible verses, with each verse placed discreetly on different  packages. Here is their list, according to Wiki:

Bible verses

In-N-Out discreetly prints bible citations in small print on an inconspicuous area of packaging.The practice began in the 1980's during Rich Snyder's presidency, a reflection of the Christian beliefs held by the Snyder family:

• Burger and cheeseburger wrappers

            Revelation 3:20---"Behold, I stand at the door, and

            knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door,

            I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he

            with me.

•  Beverage cups and replicas

                   John 3:16---"For God so loved the world he gave his
            only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him
            should not perish, but should have everlasting life."

• Employee paychecks

           Mattthew 6:19---"Do not store up for yourselves

           treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and

           where thieves break in and steal."

• Milkshake cups

             Proverbs 3:5---"Trust in the LORD with all thine 
             thine heart; and lean not unto thine own 
             understanding."

• Double-Double wrapper

          Nahum 1:7---"The LORD is good, a strong hold in the

          day of trouble, and he knoweth them that trust in him."

• Paper water cups (no longer in use for customers, they are now used by employees only)

            John: 14:16---"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, 

            the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the 

            Father, but by Me."  

• License plate keychain

           1 Corinthians 13:13---And now, these three remain: 

            faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is

            love.

41   I don't even know how to respond to all of that.

42  I haveth nothing to sayeth. 

43  The grammar aloneth. 

44   The less said, the better. It stands on its own. I think I'm going to goeth. 

45  Not without getting a few cents in. If you Google In-N-Out Wiki, you will get this piece of information: In April of 

2013, the starting wage of an In-N-Out employee was 

$10.50 per hour in U.S. dollars. 

46  But they get free paper water cups. And they have full access to learning about the Bible from milkshake cups. 

47  You can't put a price on that one, I tellya...

48  Gottago.

49  This was a hoot. 

50  Have a GREAT day.

51  Seeeth you again.

52  Peaceth.

~H~

fin.