The Daily News

1  Yesterday I wrote a piece called Operation Inside Target: A Brief Exemplum.

2   The response was immense. I received thousands of emails from every corner of the Globe requesting one thing:

3  "Could you explain, please, what the hell an exemplum is?"

4  Forgive me for my lack of aplomb. Allow me to turn to our experts in the matter, Dictionary.com:

exemplum  [ig-zem-pluhm]

noun, plural [ig-zem-pluh]

1.  an example or model.

2.  an anecdote that illustrates or supports a moral point, as in a medieval sermon.

5  Who knew that a hunt for pants could line up the stars with medieval sermons?

6  If you didn't read yesterday's DN, it was an exemplum of what I faced when I forgot my suitcase on a road trip. Pressed for time, I had Matt take me over to Target to pick out new pants, socks, and T-shirts. Given 2015 merchandising, I knew I would have thousands of choices of pants, millions of choices of socks, and billions of choices of T-shirts. Modern marketing. 

7  The trouble is that they give us too many choices. I pointed out that Wrangler Jeans alone has over 21 different varieties of pants. It caused me to shorten my own choices to three: Regular, Relaxed, and Tight-fit.

8  If you missed it yesterday, all you need do is scroll to the post right under this one. It will get you up to speed.

9  I wrote much more yesterday but cut it off simply because it got too long. 

10  I decided to bring in Part Two, but I wanted to do it with no sleeves or needlework. Here then, without delay, is Part Two of Operation Inside Target: A Brief Exemplum:

Operation Inside Target: A Brief Exemplum
Part Two: The Anglo Soxons 

Any man who sways at the point of decision

is an infidel; any man who pauses before

socks must seek medical help, for he is

indeed miscreant in his duties to God and man,

heel, and then toe. 

                                                      ---unknown

1 ...I won't go into the sox I had to bear. Target has three kinds of socks: tight, tighter, and tightest. By tightest, I'm talking of those little ankle-squeezers everyone raves about. If I wore a pair of those I'd turn purple.

2  I bought a pair or two of the knee-high tighties. They fit my feet, but put a fierce squeeze on the rest of my legs. 

3  When I began donning this suit of armor, I concluded that a simple three-inch scissors' cut in the front of each sock would work. It would eliminate the cinch, and release the tautness. 

4   I thought wisely, and correctly. I also sidestepped the fourteen-hundred other special fits that lined the store with five or six different brands and different racks. All for the sake of socks, and every pair designed to cut off my blood supply.

5    The final thing I needed to buy was a plain black T-shirt, no small task at Target the day after Black Friday. First, all the shirts were thrown everywhere. Second, they all had pictures of super heroes and bloody rock bands with evil intentions. Nothing plain:

6  Third, they changed the size-order on the racks proper. Traditionally, Target stacked the smallest shirts on top shelves, the mediums on the second shelves, the larger on the third shelves, and on and on. So they were not only scattered everywhere, but the locations on the racks changed, after years of being in the same place. 

7  <basketball buzzer> Somehow all the largest shirts were placed on the top shelves, and it went down from there. That little change, along with the Black Friday mess made finding a plain, black T-shirt an Act of Congress. 

8   I did find one, bought it, and brought it home. It was the last part of my under armor, as well as the completion of my new suitcase. I slipped it on. It fit. I lucked out.

9   They had one plain black T-shirt. One. Fancy that. 

10  I finally felt like a knight. I could get out, meet the people, and chat with them, and about their concerns. 

11   <medieval horns blowing> 

12  In the end, I never did get over to Ponch's place to meet young James of Mayo. He had a doctor appointment, which would have pushed the afternoon into possible commute time by the time I would leave.

13  Ponch called; I called  back; we exchanged mini-regrets, and we both agreed that we would meet soon. 

14  I drove on, past another Target. Should I have gone inside to complete the mission by purchasing a new suitcase?

15  I thought about it. My current one holds only pants, socks, and Tee-shirts. I need a bigger suitcase. 

16  I thought about it. 

17  After a fashion, I decided to say, "Nah!"

18  I'd probably forget it in the parking lot.

19  Thanks for listening.

20  I gottago.

21  See you again. If you live around my part of the woods, I want to wish you a Happy Garbage Day.

22  Nothing I like more. 

23  Have a GREAT day.

24  Peace.

~H~

fin.