WE'RE BAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!
The Daily News
1 Oscars on. Here are some rapid notes I tried taking last night:
2 Opening: Jack Black was brilliant, but Neil Patrick Harris again took all of us to school.
3 Omg.
4 Oscars supporting my disdain for celebrity award shows.
5 And the best supporting actor goes to...
6 J.K.Simmons.
7 And why not.
8 "Call your Mom..."
9 "Thank you Mom and Dad..."
10 Am I allowed...
11 Oh hell, I can't keep up with this stuff.
12 "We are Farmers..."
13 My fonts won't cooperate, nor will my fonts. Did I mention that my fonts weren't cooperating last night? So much for these notes. <sound of crumpling paper under>
14 Liam Neesom. Hopefully spelled correctly.
15 That's about it. Names and glitz. Too fast.
16 To be honest, I didn't really know the Oscars were on until yesterday morning.
17 I caught the opening, and then tried to keep up.
18 Not gonna lie.
19 It was all too fast for this Old Brown Shoe.
20 Maroon Five. Talented. They sing too high.
21 Ah Bleh.
22 Adam Levine.
23 I ask you.
24 I think I have a pizza in the oven.
25 I used to think I could move like Jagger.
26 Oh, God.
27 Moving On, Part One: That's the first thing I said this morning.
28 Technically it was the middle of the night when I once again beer-ponged my wireless mouse into a Solo cup of water.
29 I'm trying to drink something like sixteen glasses of water a day since I got on my health kick.
30 And...
31 Coming back after a week off does something to motivation.
32 So does a state-of-the-art Cuisinart coffee maker that has flooded the kitchen three mornings in a row.
33 I never was good at doing coffee.
34 This was a company failure.
35 So at one point, possibly two I said, "Oh, God."
36 I knew I flubbed the Oscars because they just kept on and on and on and on.
37 And besides, that requires actual reporting, something I take agin' to.
38 And ANYBODY who didn't watch the Oscars...outcast.
39 I didn't technically not watch them.
40 I just didn't care after a while.
41 LOT of white. Even Neil Patrick Harris' starched underpants.
42 Lady Gaga came through. But she appealed to Old Brown Shoe's schooled in Rodgers and Hammerstein. And she looked HALLA white.
43 Anyhow...
44 For having nothing to say I said a lot.
45 I had to stop the shower twice this morning.
46 I'm switching out my shampoo because someone on Facebook commented that it contained formaldehyde, which I can't even spell without a checker.
47 I also had to do a wet-robe/towel dash.
48 Wasn't pretty. But then it was just lil' ol' me.
49 Bleh.
50 Anyway, that's my Monday piece.
51 I think I got through it famously.
52 Why, thenk you.
53 I gottago. The Oscars are overrated. Not really worth my time.
54 Have a GREAT day.
55 Monday. No such thing.
56 Fly low.
57 See you again.
58 Peace.
27 Moving On, Part One: That's the first thing I said this morning.
28 Technically it was the middle of the night when I once again beer-ponged my wireless mouse into a Solo cup of water.
29 I'm trying to drink something like sixteen glasses of water a day since I got on my health kick.
30 And...
31 Coming back after a week off does something to motivation.
32 So does a state-of-the-art Cuisinart coffee maker that has flooded the kitchen three mornings in a row.
33 I never was good at doing coffee.
34 This was a company failure.
35 So at one point, possibly two I said, "Oh, God."
36 I knew I flubbed the Oscars because they just kept on and on and on and on.
37 And besides, that requires actual reporting, something I take agin' to.
38 And ANYBODY who didn't watch the Oscars...outcast.
39 I didn't technically not watch them.
40 I just didn't care after a while.
41 LOT of white. Even Neil Patrick Harris' starched underpants.
42 Lady Gaga came through. But she appealed to Old Brown Shoe's schooled in Rodgers and Hammerstein. And she looked HALLA white.
43 Anyhow...
44 For having nothing to say I said a lot.
45 I had to stop the shower twice this morning.
46 I'm switching out my shampoo because someone on Facebook commented that it contained formaldehyde, which I can't even spell without a checker.
47 I also had to do a wet-robe/towel dash.
48 Wasn't pretty. But then it was just lil' ol' me.
49 Bleh.
50 Anyway, that's my Monday piece.
51 I think I got through it famously.
52 Why, thenk you.
53 I gottago. The Oscars are overrated. Not really worth my time.
54 Have a GREAT day.
55 Monday. No such thing.
56 Fly low.
57 See you again.
58 Peace.
~H~
No comments:
Post a Comment