The Daily News

1  Happy Good Frideeeeeee!

2  Whoops.

3  M'bad.

4  That didn't come out right.

5  And to all you East-Siders, enjoy your week!

6  The world is your oyster, whatever that is supposed to mean. 

7  You can't slip that one past ol' Lousy-Analogies-'R'-Us over here.

8  A full week off for my East-Side peeps. 

9  Whew.

10  Oysters.

11  Hmm. Maybe that means, "The world is your shellfish that sometimes has sand inside."

12  Often eaten with garlic.

13  It sometimes comes with seaweed, if it is organic.

14  Nope.

15  Some analogies escape me. 

16  Maybe it is because I'm not a jewelry guy.

17  Don't get me wrong. I think lots of people look amazing in jewelry. Some people look great in hats. 

18  But I'm not a jewelry guy at all. 

19  I went through a few Puka shell phases, which is what white, surfer-type dudes do.

20  Then I discovered that they made candy Puka necklaces that you could eat.

21  That ended that. I think they make them as a gum now. Not interested. Sorry, surfer dudes. That's my take on that one. 

22  Moving On, Part One: There is nothing like writing one of these, posting it, and then immediately writing another. 

23  I just glanced up from some old movie or other.  Ann-Margaret just hopped into bed with Steve McQueen. Ooh-la-LA. 

24   Personally I'd rather goof on oyster-analogies. 

25  Va-va-voom.

26   I just pressed the movie guide thingy on my remote.

27  The movie is called The Cincinnati Kid. 

28  Gambling movie.

29  No wonder I never watched it.

30  Such an odd addiction to me. 

31  Everybody has some sort of addiction, I suppose.

32  Anyway, I found myself writing this stuff yesterday for today, which is Good Friday.

33  For a brief second, I thought yesterday was Good Friday while I was writing this. 

34  I looked up at the clock and saw that it was 12:30.

35  At noon I should have stopped all activity, for the three hours Christ spent on the cross.

36  I felt a fear run through me. It ran barefoot and quiet, but cold, and astonishingly quick.

37  Then it occurred to me: I didn't have to worry until noon today. Because yesterday wasn't Good Friday. Today is. 

38  That all remains weird to me. I still get gripped with fear if I find myself doing anything remotely fun between the hours of noon and three on Good Friday. 

39  AND I shouldn't eat meat, although I thought the Church lifted that ban. Even if they did, I still hold onto major guilt if I eat meat on Good Friday. Why?

40  I never left the Church. I don't attend church though. Yet I never left it.

41  You can't.

42  And maybe that's a good thing. I still pray for everyone, and send good thoughts and all. I certainly pray anytime I'm in a church. I have prayed and been answered. I don't know that the praying did it. I do think a positive attitude can work for you. If that's praying, then so be it. 

43  I've had people come up to me and say, "So...you're an ex-Catholic?"

44  My answer: "If you consider yourself a Catholic, then you must know that there is no such thing as an 'ex-Catholic'." Why is it that I still shiver when someone asks me if we should get The Exorcist on Netflix?

45  Oh, HAILLLLLLL no. 

46  When I found myself flat on my back awaiting the results of an ultrasound for a blood clot, I stared at the hospital ceiling, and worried and prayed.

47  So.

48  You have your beliefs. I have mine. 

49  There is no such thing as an ex-Catholic any more than there is such a thing as an ex-CIA agent. 

50  For instance, I always love the story of the Passion of Christ, particularly on Good Friday. For a while there, I used to listen to Jesus Christ Superstar beginning at noon on a series of Good Fridays. And, for the record, Godspell remains my favorite show as a director. I'm Bible Bob over here. 

51  And what I saw in Tahoe the other day, the sun, the sky, the reflecting frost, and the mountaintops: all that stuff provided. 

52  Do I believe all those religious stories?

53  Look. Most stories that have been passed through the ages have been severely altered. I maintain moments of extreme spirituality, and I believe in coincidences, since they happen to me SO often. 

54  I also believe in telekinesis, but only because I have experienced it in light doses, particularly with that beat-up umbrella that used to hang upside-down in the Piano Lab at Y.B. Anyone out there ever watch that thing move on command? It did. I will tell you that much. And others saw it, not just me. They thought I was rigging something, but nope. And why on Earth would I make that up? It happened, and it happened often. It always brought smiles, or raised eyebrows. I loved it. Coincidence? Who knows. It worked WAY more than it didn't. And it was painted in almost Easter colors. I recall a little pink, some light blue, and a dash of spattering of the two. 

55  So enjoy a great Easter weekend. No rabbit jokes, or chocolate bunny jokes, nor any sort of bunny jokes. Go outside and appreciate the miracle of Spring.

56  And lo, very soon thou shalt see the real baseball season begin. 

57  You all have a delightful weekend, and if you are off work next week, do something for you. Who deserves it more?

58  I gottago. The DN will be out all next week because it is the Easter Break, and I go by the school's schedule. I'll still pop up online and make a fool of myself, but I won't be back until a week from Tuesday! I'm going to enjoy the time off. So enjoy everything, and hug life for me. I will miss you. 

59  Peace.

fin.