The DN

My sentiments exactly.

Say cheese.

1   I spent the good part of the other evening trying to build a brand new website for my students.

2  They can already access this website, but in so doing they could conclude only one thing: their teacher is a knucklehead.

3   I tried inventing a third gmail identity but gmail seemed to get nervous about that. 

4   No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't accomplish what I somehow accomplished in no time this summer. This site went up. It can't seem to repeat that. 

5   So I switched over to some other company. 

6   This next company had just "upgraded" or something, which nowadays simply means "make things so useless that the sucker going on this free site had better have his wallet nearby."

7   After a few hours I felt more like some clown holding up a target in a carnival. Every time you hit the target his pants fall down, revealing red underpants with white polka-dots. 

<no clown picture needed, esp. on a Monday!>

8   And it happened seventeen times in one night. It happened all night to the Niners. Dust off. Better to choke early and learn. That won't happen again. It won't. Seattle ain't that good and we ain't that bad. And our coach has a psychotic ego. Dust off. They have to come into Candlestick in December. Meanwhile: a story of rebirth. Give a listen:

9   The idea originally was a great one: have a fancy website like nobody else. Have all sorts of cool buttons and whistles that travel to different pages. 

10  I built that once. Two different sites in fact. They rocked. They died when Geocities died. I checked. Yahoo annihilated all Geo-cities' sites a few years ago. 

11  That includes the rare and now gone forever ybdrama.com. Dead. Dead as a doornail. That site rocked. 

12   So it goes. I found that out yesterday morning. I gave it a moment of silence. It never even received a proper burial. So to ybdrama.com, Strong Bad, the Daily News Archives, the Heidi Cronz, and a wonderful live thread, may you rest in peace. My new site will try to replicate the essence. I promise you. Meanwhile ybdrama.com: R.I.P. Here is the pic that was the Face of the Franchise. I'll re-build one just as good. Promise. 

Smile.

13   Moving on, Part One: I got the popcorn munchies the other night. I had finished messing with all this goofy stuff and felt it time to watch lousy movies. 

14   It gave pause for popcorn. 

15   I don't eat much popcorn nowadays. 

16   Only when I go to the movies, which is rare.

17   The other night it had to be done.

18    It was late though. I didn't want to make a mess. 

19   I decided to use a hot-air popper. 

20   The noise blew what was left of my hearing out the kitchen window. 

21   I forgot how LOUD those things were.

22   I also forgot to put the top on the thing. 

23  NAH NAH NAH! Hear me out!!! I usually make popcorn in a kettle. The top is big. It covers the entire kettle I tellya!!!

24   Those hot-air pop lids are easy to forget, that is until you have hot kernels shooting at you like scorched, salted bee-bees. 

25   Nothing is easy. 

26   I also didn't want to mess a bowl up, so I used a Safeway paper bag to catch the corn.

27   That almost worked. I had cut the bag in half and then creased and folded the sides down. A few kernels slid between the popper and the bag.

28   In the end, I had a terrible mess, but it made me laugh anyway.

29   I brought it over to the Cloud, and sat down to watch some really bad movie. Texas cops. Pimps. Car chases. 

30   70's jive.

30   I crunched down the popcorn and wrote this stuff. 

31   I had melted a little butter and tossed it into the bag, sprinkled a little salt, and sat down. 

32   Midway through the bag I noticed light coming through the bottom. I held it up to the computer screen. It was transparent.

33 

34   Evidently there is some sort  of chemical in the bag that makes the bag transparent if soaked in popcorn butter. 

35   All the brown from the bag had disappeared. I wondered what was going on with my own gizzards. 

36   You shouldn't think such things late at night with cheap 70's movies. 

37   On teevee just now a Chevy Impala flew off the road and slammed past some horses. It stopped in a cloud of dust on a wayside farm.

38   Every cop in town headed for the farm. They all had sideburns two inches below their ear lobes. I couldn't watch anymore. 

39   I looked around. I saw popcorn kernels, grease, butter, and a bunch of unpopped kernels positioned  to break my teeth. 

40   I sure hope this doesn't wind up being Monday's DN. 

41   This is the kind of thing that I had to write just in case I couldn't think of anything last night. 

42   Yeesh.

43   Anybody lookin'?

44   At least this: it looked a heckuva lot worse. 

45   I went on a rescue mission.

46   Thank goodness for low-rent 70's movies. 

47   Oh.

48   I think it is time to go.

49   

50   See you again.

51   Go Niners. Let's see what you're made of. Dudes.

52   Peace.

~H~

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