2 One DN running theme is that Tuesday should be eliminated as a day of the week.
3 "HEY! I was BORN on a Tuesday you poo-poo head!"
4 Push-back. There's always push-back. 2013 word. My reply? I know, I know. I get that. For the uninitiated, here is my reasoning behind blowing Tuesday to smithereens.You'll want to elect me King when I finish explaining.
5 Proposition: almost nobody prepares much for Monday. Oh there are a few nerdy worrywarts (yours truly) who worry Mondays to death, but I think it's safe to say most of us put on a helmet and fly low on Mondays.
6 The entire idea of Monday is to get it over with as soon as possible.
7 On any Monday you could lay down money that there's some boss somewhere hunting down someone they can lay into. Hell, even THEY want Monday to end.
8 To some bosses, it isn't a Monday unless they come up with something productive that they could do so that they won't go home thinking, "Well! Wasn't THAT a waste of time!"
8 That mentality always reminds me of the great Mel Brooks in Blazing Saddles. As governor of the American Old West town of Rock Ridge (we know he is governor because he wears a coat that clearly says "GOV" on the back) he addresses a town meeting meeting with the following words: "We gotta protect out phony-baloney jobs, Gentlemen!"
9 Classic.
10 Eliminating Tuesday works. If we consider Monday a fly-low zone, followed by no Tuesday, the REAL week starts on Wednesday.
11 Since Friday tends to last at best 'til noon, the week shuts down faster.
12 Nobody prepares for Tuesday, however. Tuesday is like your head hit a large wooden beam. Quite often it smarts, and the second your cranium stops throbbing long enough to un-blur, you could barely make out some silhouette moving foggily towards you.
13 Your defense mechanisms go into a classic Stacy Alert.
14 Necessary Sidebar: Younger people may not catch the allusion to the 1992 film Wayne's World. That was twenty-one years ago. In the film, Wayne Campbell (the brilliant Mike Myers) has broken up with a girl named Stacy two months before we meet him. He wants nothing to do with her anymore, but she hasn't gotten over it. Each time he or his sidekick Garth (Dana Carvey) see Stacy, they must announce a Stacy Alert. Incoming.
15 The term "Stacy Alert" has made it to the Urban Dictionary, THE place to find any words or references you don't or shouldn't know. I'll include it here to save you a trip:
Stacy Alert
In the movie Wayne's World, Wayne and Garth are always avoiding Wayne's ex-girlfriend Stacy, so when she's coming they shout "Stacy Alert."
---Urban Dictionary
16 Nothing like good resources. It is a euphemism for the more global term, "Incoming!"
17 Where were we?
18 Ah yes. "Tuesday is like your head hit a large wooden beam. Quite often it smarts, and the second your cranium stops throbbing long enough to un-blur, you could barely make out some silhouette moving foggily towards you..."
19 That silhouette is a Stacy. She is on her way while you are still in a blur, because it is Tuesday. It can often be relentless.
20 Think carefully about my proposition, as well as the entire idea of Tuesday removal, either by meticulous surgical procedure or by nuclear bomb.
21 Your work week to-do list would go like this:
MY WORK WEEK:
To Do:
Monday: Fly low. Put a note on your fridge that says, "Avoid Stacy." Hit the hay.
Tuesday: There IS no Tuesday, remember? ; ) <------sideways winky emoticon guy.
Wednesday: Avoid Stacy.
Thursday: Get stuff done. Appear too busy, and put on a gruffy face. People will leave you alone. Any work you needed done can now get done because you avoided Stacy.
Friday: Fridays are always minimum days if you live in California. If not, fly low in the afternoon. Most people goof off after lunch on Fridays anyway.
22 That's it. Do I get to be King?
23 Whatdya mean "It'll have to wait."?
24 It can't wait.
25 I just can't wait to be King.
26 Moving on, Part One: Anybody lookin'?
27 fjafdsajf;dfjsd;ffsdfds;fsdjf;
28 I do that when I'm thinking.
29 I'd do it a lot more if I realized I was thinking.
30 These days I'm usually staring into space.
31 That's what I find myself doing.
32 My leg seems to be healing up pretty nicely, but I still have doctor's orders to keep it elevated for at least three months.
33 I'm done with two months as of today.
34 It's my two-month. That's a nice thing.
35 That's two months since the doctors got worried about me. I've gone to emergency twice in that time.
36 The first time I went my leg had swelled huge. It was scary, but I knew that staying calm, looking a bit annoyed, and letting it be known that I just wanted to go home might get me home.
37 I was sweet and polite, joking in spite of the seriousness, and trying to keep any sort of worry to others to a minimum.
38 The second trip was a bit more serious: I had tired of sitting around. I get pretty active sometimes. My garage needed organizing, so I stupidly got up and worked a long day getting it so that it was not only organized, but meticulous, at least for a garage.
39 The next day my leg turned red as a train crossing. School had already started. That night I knew was serious, and I found it difficult to bring myself to get into the car. I stared into the night sky. I will admit here that when nobody was looking, I cried. Just like a scared kid. I cried.
40 I feared open-heart surgery. About five hours into emergency one doctor came in and talked to me about doing a "procedure."
41 I had a come-to-Jesus with my own mortality. I had no physical pain, but I did not want to die. That came clear.
42 I've been a really good patient. My family has been awesome, even though we don't really talk about it too much.
43 I know they're worried.
44 I try not to worry. No point. I'm going to live every day and love every day. The one thing about when this sort of thing hovers is that it is easy to feel the love everywhere.
45 On the good end, the leg has been doing pretty well; I walked on it for almost five hours on Saturday. All my vitals have been good as well: kidneys, liver, heart rate, cholesterol etc. On Saturday I enjoyed the Mountain View Art and Wine Festival, and I have enjoyed everything I can, including a renewed respect for ice cream!
46 I've been reading Stephen King's On Writing. All through the book foreshadowed the time he got hit by a van. I finally arrived at that chapter yesterday afternoon. It happened to him in September of 1999. King describes the entire event with a clarity and a fogginess that only he could bring.
47 His description of that life-altering even was so graphic that I tasted the blood, inhaled the dust, and heard the whomping of the helicopter blades, and then the voice tha said,"His lung has collapsed." Here are King's own words following that moment:
"The air I'm taking in is very cold, but it's air, at least, air, and I keep breathing it. I don't want to die. I love my wife, my kids, my afternoon walks by the lake. I also love to write; I have a book on writing that's sitting back home on my desk, half finished. I don't want to die, and as I lie in the helicopter looking out at the bright, blue summer sky, I realize I am actually lying in death's doorway."
---Stephen King On Writing
48
49 I read that passage several times. While two entirely different medical situations, the thoughts that sailed through his head were profoundly similar to the thoughts that sailed through mine.
50 I felt fine, but I felt fine when one of the last doctors to see me described a procedure that could have taken place that night.
51 I wanted to keep calm, but I knew I didn't want to go in for any sort of surgery. I wasn't scared; I just didn't want my family to go through all of that worry. Again, my situation was in no way as severe, painful nor as critical is were King's, but the identical thoughts hovered overhead. That passage haunted me yesterday.
52 I didn't want to die. I had too much to do. I would need to call for a sub. I worried about my students. I wanted to see everybody I loved and tell them I loved them. I would blink, hear beeps, and find myself back in the room with Helene sitting right there.
53 I found out later that night by the doctor in charge that the redness was unrelated to any circulation issues, that it was something that could be handled with anti-biotics and that I was free to go.
54 I've probably told this story a couple of times. That happens. My movement is still restricted. I do more reading and writing because I am so immobile.
55 It was nice to walk around the Art and Wine Festival. My leg worked wonderfully. It still is a bit weary.
56 It is presently sitting on my ottoman like a grand yule log, still a little swollen, still a little black and blue, but with lines that are cut and definitive. I'm healthier, at least that's what it says to me.
57 It was last night when I wrote all of this. I don't know that I could have avoided it. King's ordeal was clearly worse than anything I can begin to imagine.
58 I'm happy not to be King, in many ways. He is brave; he got clobbered, but he also worried about normal things. He wanted to make sure he told people he loved them.That's what you do.
59 We're both blessed.
60 I'll leave it at that. Even though I talked smack about Tuesdays, go ahead and enjoy this one.
61 I'll do everything I can to join you.
62 Gottago. See you again. Meanwhile, live life.
63 Love life.
64 Peace.
~H~
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