The Daily News
1 Garbage Day. At least up in these parts it is.
2 Half the time I write I begin with the day of the week because in some odd way, it keeps me focused. I remember important things I need to do, like rolling the garbage out in my pajamas. Glamour comes at such a cost.
3 I insist that I've memory issues, but I think it is more about the normal things coming at me daily, things that interrupt the thought train. For instance, a bunch of leaves blew right at me and then passed me on the way home last night. I felt like Winnie the Pooh in a storm. Once I got home I couldn't remember what day it was. That sort of thing. Sign of the times, I'm pretty sure.
4 On the rare occasions I see people, I often get this question: "Don't you get bored being retired?"
5
6
7 That's your answer. I just couldn't remember the question. Oh. Yeah.
8 Nope.
9 I plot things. I never plot too much in advance because I find myself awaiting orders coming from some faction as the days progress.
10 First off, having twin baby girls around erases any concept of boredom.
11 I live and work for smiles these days.
12 And I've two of the smilin'-ist babies around, laying cuteness on me by the hour. It makes me forget whatever I had to do, but that's a good thing. And it is never boring.
13 Second, I find myself youthening. It's not that unusual. Merlin youthened. Benjamin Button youthened. Hillary youthened, but she uses Botox. I'm quite sure of it.
14 So. It is fitting then, that I hope to do about fifteen-thousand things each day by the time I reach nine. Isn't that what most nine-year old boys' want to do? Daily?
15 I've almost written three one-acts, six songs, and my own dictionary in the past week. Unfortunately, each time I get motivated, life throws me under the bus. Or how about this:
16 Right when I put my right foot forward, my left foot sticks itself out and trips me.
17 So.
18 Here is an online drawing of myself:
19
20 I admit it is a tad rudimentary.
21 Look.
22 I'm no good at doing any one thing. I just do an average job wit lots of things, just like the next mug.
23 Here are some things I know how to do: write, watch baseball, wisecrack, like dogs, like babies, design mediocre sets, blow fuses, run shot AND game clocks for basketball games, strum guitars, and eat chocolate.
24 Beyond that, I'm pretty average, which is to say I can only think in short bursts. Kurt Vonnegut said that of people. He'd know.
25 Oh.
26 And I like cheese.
27 Exhibit A.
28 Garbage Day.
29 Thanks for reminding me.
30 Moving On, Part One: When I first began writing this rag, I had around ten items on a good day. I don't remember when it ever got up into the sixties, but I'm thinking of paring it back down to a manageable entity.
31 It's Suddenly Last Night, Dept.: I just looked up at the Giants' game and one of the Giants just grabbed his own nuts.
32 They cut to commercial too swiftly or I would have included a name.
33 Wait. Bumgarner struck out NINE batters? Hail Padres!
34 Anybody lookin'?
35 Okay. Absolute Truth. I downed an entire small bag of Ghirardelli Milk & Caramel Chocolate Squares. This is last night.
36 I also walked over five miles afterwards.
37 Who wouldn't?
38 Meanwhile...
39 Garbage Day. That's right. Back to reality. I just heard a truck outside.
40 I gottago. Told you I was gonna pare this down. I think I did. Not sure.
41 Have a GREAT day.
42 See you again. I really do gottago.
43 Peace.
20 I admit it is a tad rudimentary.
21 Look.
22 I'm no good at doing any one thing. I just do an average job wit lots of things, just like the next mug.
23 Here are some things I know how to do: write, watch baseball, wisecrack, like dogs, like babies, design mediocre sets, blow fuses, run shot AND game clocks for basketball games, strum guitars, and eat chocolate.
24 Beyond that, I'm pretty average, which is to say I can only think in short bursts. Kurt Vonnegut said that of people. He'd know.
25 Oh.
26 And I like cheese.
27 Exhibit A.
28 Garbage Day.
29 Thanks for reminding me.
30 Moving On, Part One: When I first began writing this rag, I had around ten items on a good day. I don't remember when it ever got up into the sixties, but I'm thinking of paring it back down to a manageable entity.
31 It's Suddenly Last Night, Dept.: I just looked up at the Giants' game and one of the Giants just grabbed his own nuts.
32 They cut to commercial too swiftly or I would have included a name.
33 Wait. Bumgarner struck out NINE batters? Hail Padres!
34 Anybody lookin'?
35 Okay. Absolute Truth. I downed an entire small bag of Ghirardelli Milk & Caramel Chocolate Squares. This is last night.
36 I also walked over five miles afterwards.
37 Who wouldn't?
38 Meanwhile...
39 Garbage Day. That's right. Back to reality. I just heard a truck outside.
40 I gottago. Told you I was gonna pare this down. I think I did. Not sure.
41 Have a GREAT day.
42 See you again. I really do gottago.
43 Peace.
~H~
fin.
from the Oxford American Dictionary, and
for your reading pleasure:
from the Oxford American Dictionary, and
for your reading pleasure:
pare |per|
verb [ with obj. ]
trim (something) by cutting away its outer edges: Carlo pared his thumbnails with his knife.
• cut off the outer skin of (something): pare off the rind using a peeler.
• reduce (something) in size, extent, quantity, or number, usually in a number of small successive stages: union leaders publicly pared down their demands | we pared costs by doing our own cleaning.
DERIVATIVES
parer |ˈperər| noun
ORIGIN
Middle English: from Old French parer ‘adorn, prepare,’ also ‘peel, trim,’ from Latin parare ‘prepare.’
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