1 <yawn>
2 <Grieg Peer Gynt music up>
3 <second yawn>
4 Whaaaaaaa...???
5 Thursday. Whoa.
6 I had a dream that John Travolta's face froze into a fleshy mask, that he was stuck on an elevator with Johnny Cochran, and that he had David Scwhimmer photobombing in the background as Pepe Le Pew.
7 Turns out my TV was on "pause."
8 I'm not buying it. Not buying any of it.
9 If we threw in Cuban Gooding, Jr. as O.J., it would be the first triumvirate in the history of casting to have been completely wrong.
10 If you know the case, and if you have been watching the latest series on it, you know that nearly all the other cast members resemble the characters they play. But Travolta, Schwimmer, and Gooding, Jr.? Are you serious? As Vinnie would have said, "Ain't gonna work; ain't gonna work!"
11 Okay. It's okay. It is off now. The Peer Gynt music mystically changed at the same time.
12 It's now morphed back to last night, around 8:25. The Grieg music continues louder, and it is playing in my headphones. I settled in with some coffee and delicious candy. What candy, you ask?
13 Why, Dove chocolates, the ones with the messages, even though it is politically incorrect to have chocolate these days. Especially milk chocolate.
14 I apologize. I have been so swamped lately that I missed the moment when chocolate became politically incorrect.
15 Mars recalled candies from 55 countries because they contained plastic. I caught that one, and am on an instant boycott of Mars' products, even though I relate to Mars, I being an Aries and all.
16 I wish to look no further into any of it. Not this minute, anyway.
17 I am in the Hall of the Mountain King suddenly, so I'm more into frogs and things. I started the music long before you did, so don't worry about any of it. As long as great music plays, it is as pure as the music of a blackbird.
18 Pardon my dust. And pardon my darkness about chocolate. Just make light of it, is all, and enjoy the ride.
19 <snaps light off>
20 Moving On, Part One: "Right speaker on headphones going into a tailspin, Sir. We...uh...have a pair of HELLA expensive Apple headphones we could use instead..."
21 Me: "I copy that. I prefer my Big Lots phones, but if we have to, we may need to go to the Apple-brand ear buds, which fit nobody's ear comfortably. I'm out."
22 For the record, I'd rather have a speaker that is going out for a millisecond every fifteen minutes than any cockamamie
Apple headphone.
23 Apple packs everything in these neat little boxes that slide magically this way and that. Blithe, and almost sexy in a James Bond sort of way.
24 Not my style. I'm not a Diamonds-are-Forever guy.
25 I like products I can open with a pair of scissors. This includes the fancy Ghirardelli milk chocolate w/ caramel squares I found earlier.
26 Whoops.
27 So I like a baggie of Big Lots earbuds I could cut open with a pair of scissors. Hmm. These look like they will do nicely...
28 And honestly? I can't listen to the fancy white box that Apple provides.
29 Big Lots, baby. Pure comfort. Listening to live concerts is fun, but there is always the audience cringe, that moment where they don't know whether to applaud, or to await the next movement. I'm the guy who coughs during those moments. If you go to the Theatre a lot, you are aware that the only time you need to cough is the second the curtain goes up. I sometimes line my pockets with plastic and put the cough drops on top of it so I won't make noise. And I nurse water bottles, sip them during applause. Little tricks of the audience trade.
30 And suddenly, we are listening to Bolero.
31 Some nights perform for you. If you are reading this, you won't be going at the same speed as I am. You are probably still listening to Peer Gynt. Don't think; just let it play the way birds play music when you are out for a walk.
32 Comforting, and even jazzy, if you're into real jazz. Bolero, not the birds, although one can make an argument for both.
34 Real jazz. Inside joke. Sorry. Don't do it often, but it was definitely a wink over to Ponch.
35 Anyway, it is last night, and time has spun swiftly into the 9:45 slot.
36 Time gets distorted when I compose this nonsense, especially when something as whimsical as Bolero is marching through my frabjous brain.
37 Moving On, Part Two: Time travel. Yesterday: I'm stalling a bit because I know that before midnight I need to walk a little over a quarter mile in order to keep my challenge to go over four miles each day, and over 10,000 steps.
38 It's just that I over-achieved yesterday and did 5.48 miles and 12,813 steps, all without a horse.
39 It's funny, because when I walk around town, it is easier. If I go on a trail it is easier. But trying all this around the house: not so easy.
40 I have a method: the same way some guys think they have a method for beating slot machines, I have a method for achieving walking over four miles and over 10,000 steps a day. Seesly.
41 This one works, though. Once I throw the chocolate away, that is. All you need is an iPhone app that counts steps and miles. I'm not even sure which app I have, but my brother-from-another mother Jeff Joseph threw something on my phone. I'll find out tomorrow, but you do need that. Beyond that, here is my method for reaching 10,000 steps per day.
42 Listen: If I walk from the corner of my kitchen out to the living room and back, it is exactly 65 steps. What I do is this: I locate an area, say, the right side of my kitchen counter, and clean it from right to left. If I see a fork or something, I must open the fork drawer, take a lap, clean the fork, dry it, take a lap with it, and then put it in the drawer. I start really slowly, my mission being not so much getting the house clean, but rounding the coffee table in the living room as many times as possible. Sidebar: If you pushed the Peer Gynt button at the beginning of this, you should be near In the Hall of the Mountain King right about now.
43 Honestly. I do that. If I see a spot that needs wiping, I grab a paper towel, wet it, squeeze it, walk back out to the living room with it, go around the table, and then wipe the area. If it needs drying, I will take another small paper towel, walk out to the living room, go around the table again, and return to wipe it. If I throw the towel away, I pick it up, throw it in the garbage, go back out to the living room, go around the coffee table, and return to the kitchen corner.
44 Of course I can detour at any time and walk down the hallway, doubling my steps. Standing in one place is a no-no, however. The feet need to keep moving for an entire hour. This is a bit tough if I decide to fold a blanket, or fold laundry, but I keep in motion at all times.
45 Once I get the right side of the sink done, I move to the area next to the fridge, and then the area around Le Luge, the chair I kick it in when I write this. THAT area MUST be attacked all day.
46 I have mentioned that most writers have a place where they write. The old cover of Stephen King's On Writing shows him doing what many writers do: they need a place.
47 They don't, however, wish themselves a pig sty. So I keep all over that area, organizing plugs, headphones, computer wires, and all the rest.
48 It stays beautiful that way, as does the house. It sounds crazy, but once you get the way it works, it gets easier. And the closer you get to your steps goal, the lazier you could get, as long as you hit the goal before midnight.
49 And yes, I do park as far off in the parking lot at stores as I can.
50 So. That is my beauty secret. That's akin to taking health and beauty tips from Scrooge Mcduck.
51 Lovely stuff. I know what you're thinking: "I'm taking health lessons from a duck!" Well, yes, I imagine.
52 Romeo and Juliet just popped into my phones. Tchaikovsky, not Shakespeare.
53 Perfect. It dovetails in some odd way with Bolero and all that real jazz.
54 Groovin' and movin'.
55 And headed out for Auburn this fine morning.
56 So. Gottago.
57 Gotta blow wherever the wind goes.
58 Have a GREAT day.
59 See you again.
60 Peace.
11 Okay. It's okay. It is off now. The Peer Gynt music mystically changed at the same time.
12 It's now morphed back to last night, around 8:25. The Grieg music continues louder, and it is playing in my headphones. I settled in with some coffee and delicious candy. What candy, you ask?
13 Why, Dove chocolates, the ones with the messages, even though it is politically incorrect to have chocolate these days. Especially milk chocolate.
14 I apologize. I have been so swamped lately that I missed the moment when chocolate became politically incorrect.
15 Mars recalled candies from 55 countries because they contained plastic. I caught that one, and am on an instant boycott of Mars' products, even though I relate to Mars, I being an Aries and all.
16 I wish to look no further into any of it. Not this minute, anyway.
17 I am in the Hall of the Mountain King suddenly, so I'm more into frogs and things. I started the music long before you did, so don't worry about any of it. As long as great music plays, it is as pure as the music of a blackbird.
18 Pardon my dust. And pardon my darkness about chocolate. Just make light of it, is all, and enjoy the ride.
19 <snaps light off>
20 Moving On, Part One: "Right speaker on headphones going into a tailspin, Sir. We...uh...have a pair of HELLA expensive Apple headphones we could use instead..."
21 Me: "I copy that. I prefer my Big Lots phones, but if we have to, we may need to go to the Apple-brand ear buds, which fit nobody's ear comfortably. I'm out."
22 For the record, I'd rather have a speaker that is going out for a millisecond every fifteen minutes than any cockamamie
Apple headphone.
23 Apple packs everything in these neat little boxes that slide magically this way and that. Blithe, and almost sexy in a James Bond sort of way.
24 Not my style. I'm not a Diamonds-are-Forever guy.
25 I like products I can open with a pair of scissors. This includes the fancy Ghirardelli milk chocolate w/ caramel squares I found earlier.
26 Whoops.
27 So I like a baggie of Big Lots earbuds I could cut open with a pair of scissors. Hmm. These look like they will do nicely...
29 Big Lots, baby. Pure comfort. Listening to live concerts is fun, but there is always the audience cringe, that moment where they don't know whether to applaud, or to await the next movement. I'm the guy who coughs during those moments. If you go to the Theatre a lot, you are aware that the only time you need to cough is the second the curtain goes up. I sometimes line my pockets with plastic and put the cough drops on top of it so I won't make noise. And I nurse water bottles, sip them during applause. Little tricks of the audience trade.
30 And suddenly, we are listening to Bolero.
31 Some nights perform for you. If you are reading this, you won't be going at the same speed as I am. You are probably still listening to Peer Gynt. Don't think; just let it play the way birds play music when you are out for a walk.
32 Comforting, and even jazzy, if you're into real jazz. Bolero, not the birds, although one can make an argument for both.
34 Real jazz. Inside joke. Sorry. Don't do it often, but it was definitely a wink over to Ponch.
35 Anyway, it is last night, and time has spun swiftly into the 9:45 slot.
36 Time gets distorted when I compose this nonsense, especially when something as whimsical as Bolero is marching through my frabjous brain.
37 Moving On, Part Two: Time travel. Yesterday: I'm stalling a bit because I know that before midnight I need to walk a little over a quarter mile in order to keep my challenge to go over four miles each day, and over 10,000 steps.
38 It's just that I over-achieved yesterday and did 5.48 miles and 12,813 steps, all without a horse.
39 It's funny, because when I walk around town, it is easier. If I go on a trail it is easier. But trying all this around the house: not so easy.
40 I have a method: the same way some guys think they have a method for beating slot machines, I have a method for achieving walking over four miles and over 10,000 steps a day. Seesly.
41 This one works, though. Once I throw the chocolate away, that is. All you need is an iPhone app that counts steps and miles. I'm not even sure which app I have, but my brother-from-another mother Jeff Joseph threw something on my phone. I'll find out tomorrow, but you do need that. Beyond that, here is my method for reaching 10,000 steps per day.
42 Listen: If I walk from the corner of my kitchen out to the living room and back, it is exactly 65 steps. What I do is this: I locate an area, say, the right side of my kitchen counter, and clean it from right to left. If I see a fork or something, I must open the fork drawer, take a lap, clean the fork, dry it, take a lap with it, and then put it in the drawer. I start really slowly, my mission being not so much getting the house clean, but rounding the coffee table in the living room as many times as possible. Sidebar: If you pushed the Peer Gynt button at the beginning of this, you should be near In the Hall of the Mountain King right about now.
43 Honestly. I do that. If I see a spot that needs wiping, I grab a paper towel, wet it, squeeze it, walk back out to the living room with it, go around the table, and then wipe the area. If it needs drying, I will take another small paper towel, walk out to the living room, go around the table again, and return to wipe it. If I throw the towel away, I pick it up, throw it in the garbage, go back out to the living room, go around the coffee table, and return to the kitchen corner.
44 Of course I can detour at any time and walk down the hallway, doubling my steps. Standing in one place is a no-no, however. The feet need to keep moving for an entire hour. This is a bit tough if I decide to fold a blanket, or fold laundry, but I keep in motion at all times.
45 Once I get the right side of the sink done, I move to the area next to the fridge, and then the area around Le Luge, the chair I kick it in when I write this. THAT area MUST be attacked all day.
46 I have mentioned that most writers have a place where they write. The old cover of Stephen King's On Writing shows him doing what many writers do: they need a place.
47 They don't, however, wish themselves a pig sty. So I keep all over that area, organizing plugs, headphones, computer wires, and all the rest.
48 It stays beautiful that way, as does the house. It sounds crazy, but once you get the way it works, it gets easier. And the closer you get to your steps goal, the lazier you could get, as long as you hit the goal before midnight.
49 And yes, I do park as far off in the parking lot at stores as I can.
50 So. That is my beauty secret. That's akin to taking health and beauty tips from Scrooge Mcduck.
52 Romeo and Juliet just popped into my phones. Tchaikovsky, not Shakespeare.
53 Perfect. It dovetails in some odd way with Bolero and all that real jazz.
54 Groovin' and movin'.
55 And headed out for Auburn this fine morning.
56 So. Gottago.
57 Gotta blow wherever the wind goes.
58 Have a GREAT day.
59 See you again.
60 Peace.
~H~
Services for Vinnie Richardson
When: Saturday, February 27, 1 p.m.
Where: Family Community Church, 478 Piercy Rd. San Jose, CA, 95138.
Phone: 408-365-0313.
Link:
fin.
No comments:
Post a Comment