The Daily News
1 Wow. Pretty babies.
2 Fast week.
3 It wasn't fast the day before yesterday, but now it seems fine.
4 Yesterday's DN took me almost two days to complete, believe it or not.
5 My laptop keeps me on my toes. It suffers, it buffers, it stops and it stutters.
6 It freezes. Yesterday I touched a key and my entire village froze.
7
8 Uhhh...
9
10 Okay, okay.
11 So I exaggerated.
12 I woke up late yesterday morning, not my normal routine. More often than not I awaken between four and five a.m.
13 Yesterday it was closer to nine. Maybe later. I have memory issues; I mean that.
14 I always have, but I'm told that doesn't get better.
15 Each time the computer freezes I lose my concentration. Writing, I've mentioned, is not for the faint of heart.
16 Nor is it amenable to a laptop that suffers, buffers, stops, and stutters.
17 Pardon my Oxford comma.
18 I didn't mean to offend those against using it.
19 I hug the thing for the purposes of safety.
20 I ran across either Grammarly or somebody else's claim of being a Grammarly blog last night. Either way, it had an amusing bit about the Oxford comma.
21 English majors and those who work in language-based professions have mused over the Oxford comma for decades.
22 What is the Oxford comma?
23 Simply stated, it is the last comma in a series of things.
24 Here is an example: I like running, swimming, and exercising.
25 The comma after the word swimming is an optional comma. It doesn't need to be there.
26 The sentence works perfectly if you omit that comma, so that it reads "I like running, swimming and exercising."
27 Listen: because the language contains different interpretations of rules, a lot of Englishy noble poopheads feel that the rule they learned is sacrosanct.
28 Not the case.
29 Sorry to pop your bubble.
30 I'll provide the link to the Grammarly blog later, and you may decide whether or not it was original; I haven't that sort of time, sorry to say.
31 Anyway, the page gave this as an example of the terrors one can endure if they stray from the Oxford comma:
Sentence with the Oxford comma:
I love my parents, Lady Gaga, and Humpty Dumpty.
32 You can see that whoever wrote that had a sense of humor.
33 Here is the same sentence without the Oxford comma:
I love my parents, Lady Gaga and Humpty Dumpty.
34 Mom:
35 Dad:
36 End of lesson?
37 Sure, why not?
38 It's Thursday.
39 Time to take a little break.
40 With most jobs I've had, the weekend begins on Thursday, and I include college in that mix.
41 'Murica.
42 While scanning the globe for the picture of Humpty Dumpty, I ran across a ton of really creepy pictures. Do yourself a favor and never go to Google images in search of Humpty Dumpty, particularly if you woke up early.
43 One picture was funny. I won't show it because I'd have to go back into that search. It had a statue of Humpty Dumpty, presumably in a city park, and under his feet the letters read, "Humpty Dumped Me."
44 I also ran across this marvelous link. Click on the link and not the pic:
The immortal Glenn Miller
45 Musicians, I swear.
46 I also found in the aforementioned search a few pictures that were clearly posted by teachers, many of whom got the classic rhyme WAY wrong.
47 Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the jingle go like this?
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
48 Right? I saw at least three or four versions that seemed to me to be written by teachers, and they consistently went like this:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Cannot put Humpty Dumpty together again.
49 WTF?
50 Or, as Don Rickles once put it, "How did the crowd get out of control?"
51 Is it just me, or does the second one toss out any sense of rhythm?
52 You don't really have to listen to Glenn Miller. I admire the guy but that song has one of the longest introductions in jazz history.
53 I included it for historical purposes, I imagine. Here is the mysterious Grammarly link from which I stole the Lady Gaga/Humpty Dumpty stuff. I just want it known that I didn't make up that example, but I did find it amusing:
54 Well, looking at my watch I can readily see it is time for me to take off.
55 Have a GREAT Thursday, willya?
56 See you again.
57 Peace.
~H~
fin.
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