The Daily News
1 Dear Coley: Happy Birthday!!!!!!!
2 Did you ever think it would get here?
3 For a second last night I thought I heard Mom say you were headed for Sac today.
4 I even asked her if she said that.
5 I know you've been WAY busy, but it woulda been awesome.
6 Yeesh.
7 I got you a present for your birthday.
8
9 Here go, Sweetie:
9 Here go, Sweetie:
10
11 You can't blow out that candle!
12 For the record, I'm digging through the fridge to see if I have any sort of cake and ice cream.
13 Does a cupcake count?
14 Okay.
15 Not gonna lie.
16 I was too darned lazy to go to the freezer and hunt down ice cream.
17 As you know, I house-hop on a daily basis, so I'm never quite sure what is in whose freezer.
18 I do know where the cupcakes are located.
19 For the record (and yes, I declare this a disclaimer): If I have a cupcake, it'll go straight to my hips.
20 <eyes darting around> Where the hell are the cupcakes?
21 That requires my standing up and looking. Meantime, Happy Birthday Coley!!!!!!!
22 Moving On, Part One: For the record, I found the cupcakes.
23 Anybody lookin'?
24 Pretty sure that somewhere hidden in here resides the law of diminishing returns.
25 And no, I didn't attempt to light a candle.
26 Any time someone hands me a lighter, I envision all sorts of calamities.
27 Especially if there is a candle written into the mix.
28 So...the returns diminish, if that makes any sense.
29 aklafdfkdjfdkljfds
30 Moving On, Part Two: I learned long ago that item twenty-nine is what people do on computer keyboards when they become stuck for an idea.
31 My solution?
32 Watch some pretentious film on teevee.
33 In order to accomplish this, it becomes essential that you watch some old, outdated AND enigmatic film.
34 I'm not going to apologize that I am doing so as I hunt-and-peck this nonsense.
35 Moving On, Part the Thoid: I just now almost erased this entire piece because of a lazy pinky.
36 As in the final finger on a hand.
37 Good God.
38 I now thank goodness that everything saved.
39
40 What, ya think this is easy?
41 Well, no.
42 It's more along the lines of brewing a soup from scratch, and then adding ingredients that will come together in a roaring boil.
43
44 Admit that you've been there.
45
46 <crickets>
47 Ah, I'm hearing it's time to put this one to bed.
48 But not without a writing lesson.
49 Anyone who knows me knows I house hop, time hop, and book hop.
50 Today I'm going to bring back author Roy Peter Clark. He's the guy who brought you a fun book called Writing Tools.
51 He's the fellow who likened good writing to driving around in your neighborhood. The period, recall became a stop sign, the comma a speed bump, the semi-colon a "rolling stop," the parenthetical moment a detour, the colon a flashing yellow light warning there is something happening ahead, and a dash "...a tree branch in the road."
52 He had a bit of disdain for the dash---which I actually like, if you'll excuse my use of an adverb---because Stephen King makes tremendous use of the dash, and he is/was a bazillionaire.
53 Anyway, I thought I would bring some more stuff from Writing Tools. This guy has been published. I haven't the will to even try doing that.
54 So let us continue with a guy who took the traffic analogy home. Here are some more from that wonderful book. Here is where we left off:
A writer once told me that he knew it was time to hand in a story when he had reached this stage: "I would take out all the commas. Then I would put them all back." The comma may be the most versatile of all marks and the one most associated with the writer's voice. A well-placed comma points to where the writer would pause if he read the passage aloud. "He may have been a genius, as mutations sometimes are." The author of that line is Kurt Vonnegut. I have heard him speak, and that central comma is his voice.
More muscular than the comma, the semi-colon is most useful for dividing and organizing big chunks of information. In his essay "The Lantern Bearers," Robert Louis Stevenson describes an adventure game in which boys wore cheap tin lanterns---called bull's eyes---under their coats:
We wore them buckled to the waist upon a cricket belt, and over them, such was the rigour of the game, a buttoned top-coat. They smelled noisomely of blistered tin; they never burned aright, though they would always burn our fingers; their use was naught; the pleasure of them merely fanciful; and yet a boy with a bull's eye under his top-coat asked for nothing more.
Parentheses introduce a play within a play. Like a detour sign in the middle of the street, they require the driver to maneuver around to regain original direction. Parenthetical expressions are best kept short and (Pray for us, Saint Nora of Ephron) witty.
My friend Don Fry has undertaken a quixotic quest to eliminate that tree branch in the road---the dash. "Avoid the dash," he insists as often as William Strunk begged his students to "omit needless words." Don's crusade was inspired by his observation---with which I agree---that the dash has become the default mark for writers who never mastered the formal rules. But the dash has two brilliant uses: a pair of dashes can set off an idea contained within a sentence, and a dash near the end can deliver a punch line.
55 Clark goes on to demonstrate how the dash can be used for "political persuasion" referencing a passage from Edward Bernays, Freud's nephew and a major proponent of benign propaganda. I'll spare you most of the details except to say that Bernays believed human beings needed to be taught manners through propaganda, or, if left to their own devices, they would annihilate one another.
56 I'll float that one.
57 Let's go back to Writing Tools:
That leaves the colon, and here's what it does: it announces a word, phrase, or clause the way a trumpet flourish in a Shakespeare play sounds the arrival of the royal pro-cession. More from Vonnegut:
I am often asked to give advice to young writers who wish to be famous and fabulously well-to-do. This is the best I have to offer: While looking as much like a bloodhound as possible, announce that you are working twelve hours a day on a masterpiece. Warning: All is lost if you crack a smile. (from Palm Sunday).
58 So there you have it. As you can see, different writers disagree with how to use punctuation. It controls pace, that's for sure. It also establishes rhythm and speed.
59 If you play jazz, you might get all this. Ponch was once criticized by some schlep that his band didn't play "real jazz." Can you even begin to imagine?
60 I'm going to include Clark's chapter-ending paragraph because I disagree with most of what he says. Have a look:
When it comes to punctuation, all writers develop habits that buttress their styles. Mine include wearing out the comma and using more periods than average. I abhor unsightly blemishes, so I shun semicolons and parentheses. I overuse the colon. I write an exclamation with enough force to avoid the weedy appendage of an exclamation point. I prefer the comma to the dash but sometimes use one---if only to pluck Don Fry's beard.
61 Where do I disagree? I use unsightly semicolons and parentheses all the time. I tend to avoid exclamation points unless there are seven, one for each day of the week.
62 Whenever I read a book about writing, I become amused at the inconsistencies of the writer teaching writing. Having taught using Warriner's English Grammar and Comp, I would see that the examples would often change out bold type with italics, or switch out terms such as NON-STANDARD with the word "incorrect." Little things, but things a person using the text year in and year out would notice.
63 Learning to write well can be demanding. Knowing grammar is important. Knowing about active voice is important. Anyone venturing into these woods needs to practice using writing tips and tools.
64 What I did today was try to let you see that writers, especially teachers of writers might disagree on how to use punctuation.
65 Are semicolons and dashes villains?
66 No. It's about choice. Use what works best for you. Period.
67 I gottago.
68 I once again wish to give a huge shout out to my daughter Nicole, and I hope you have the best Wednesday birthday <a-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!!!!!!!> ever.
69 See you again.
70 Peace.
49 Anyone who knows me knows I house hop, time hop, and book hop.
50 Today I'm going to bring back author Roy Peter Clark. He's the guy who brought you a fun book called Writing Tools.
51 He's the fellow who likened good writing to driving around in your neighborhood. The period, recall became a stop sign, the comma a speed bump, the semi-colon a "rolling stop," the parenthetical moment a detour, the colon a flashing yellow light warning there is something happening ahead, and a dash "...a tree branch in the road."
52 He had a bit of disdain for the dash---which I actually like, if you'll excuse my use of an adverb---because Stephen King makes tremendous use of the dash, and he is/was a bazillionaire.
53 Anyway, I thought I would bring some more stuff from Writing Tools. This guy has been published. I haven't the will to even try doing that.
54 So let us continue with a guy who took the traffic analogy home. Here are some more from that wonderful book. Here is where we left off:
A writer once told me that he knew it was time to hand in a story when he had reached this stage: "I would take out all the commas. Then I would put them all back." The comma may be the most versatile of all marks and the one most associated with the writer's voice. A well-placed comma points to where the writer would pause if he read the passage aloud. "He may have been a genius, as mutations sometimes are." The author of that line is Kurt Vonnegut. I have heard him speak, and that central comma is his voice.
More muscular than the comma, the semi-colon is most useful for dividing and organizing big chunks of information. In his essay "The Lantern Bearers," Robert Louis Stevenson describes an adventure game in which boys wore cheap tin lanterns---called bull's eyes---under their coats:
We wore them buckled to the waist upon a cricket belt, and over them, such was the rigour of the game, a buttoned top-coat. They smelled noisomely of blistered tin; they never burned aright, though they would always burn our fingers; their use was naught; the pleasure of them merely fanciful; and yet a boy with a bull's eye under his top-coat asked for nothing more.
Parentheses introduce a play within a play. Like a detour sign in the middle of the street, they require the driver to maneuver around to regain original direction. Parenthetical expressions are best kept short and (Pray for us, Saint Nora of Ephron) witty.
My friend Don Fry has undertaken a quixotic quest to eliminate that tree branch in the road---the dash. "Avoid the dash," he insists as often as William Strunk begged his students to "omit needless words." Don's crusade was inspired by his observation---with which I agree---that the dash has become the default mark for writers who never mastered the formal rules. But the dash has two brilliant uses: a pair of dashes can set off an idea contained within a sentence, and a dash near the end can deliver a punch line.
55 Clark goes on to demonstrate how the dash can be used for "political persuasion" referencing a passage from Edward Bernays, Freud's nephew and a major proponent of benign propaganda. I'll spare you most of the details except to say that Bernays believed human beings needed to be taught manners through propaganda, or, if left to their own devices, they would annihilate one another.
56 I'll float that one.
57 Let's go back to Writing Tools:
That leaves the colon, and here's what it does: it announces a word, phrase, or clause the way a trumpet flourish in a Shakespeare play sounds the arrival of the royal pro-cession. More from Vonnegut:
I am often asked to give advice to young writers who wish to be famous and fabulously well-to-do. This is the best I have to offer: While looking as much like a bloodhound as possible, announce that you are working twelve hours a day on a masterpiece. Warning: All is lost if you crack a smile. (from Palm Sunday).
58 So there you have it. As you can see, different writers disagree with how to use punctuation. It controls pace, that's for sure. It also establishes rhythm and speed.
59 If you play jazz, you might get all this. Ponch was once criticized by some schlep that his band didn't play "real jazz." Can you even begin to imagine?
60 I'm going to include Clark's chapter-ending paragraph because I disagree with most of what he says. Have a look:
When it comes to punctuation, all writers develop habits that buttress their styles. Mine include wearing out the comma and using more periods than average. I abhor unsightly blemishes, so I shun semicolons and parentheses. I overuse the colon. I write an exclamation with enough force to avoid the weedy appendage of an exclamation point. I prefer the comma to the dash but sometimes use one---if only to pluck Don Fry's beard.
61 Where do I disagree? I use unsightly semicolons and parentheses all the time. I tend to avoid exclamation points unless there are seven, one for each day of the week.
62 Whenever I read a book about writing, I become amused at the inconsistencies of the writer teaching writing. Having taught using Warriner's English Grammar and Comp, I would see that the examples would often change out bold type with italics, or switch out terms such as NON-STANDARD with the word "incorrect." Little things, but things a person using the text year in and year out would notice.
63 Learning to write well can be demanding. Knowing grammar is important. Knowing about active voice is important. Anyone venturing into these woods needs to practice using writing tips and tools.
64 What I did today was try to let you see that writers, especially teachers of writers might disagree on how to use punctuation.
65 Are semicolons and dashes villains?
66 No. It's about choice. Use what works best for you. Period.
67 I gottago.
68 I once again wish to give a huge shout out to my daughter Nicole, and I hope you have the best Wednesday birthday <a-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!!!!!!!> ever.
69 See you again.
70 Peace.
~H~
fin.
No comments:
Post a Comment