The Daily News
1 Heidi heidi ho, neighbors.
2 I spent much of yesterday plugging and unplugging plugs, because computers are losing power, USB ports work, then they don't; different plugs seem not to work, and everything has gone bat crazy.
3 Bat crazy. I like that expression, and most off-shoots of that expression.
4 Great term to toss around in October.
5 I keep hoping to go through some of these DN posts from Octobers past and re-write the stories that I named The Heidi Cronz, a direct rip-off of Wendy Wasserstein's play, The Heidi Chronicles.
6 I'll probably put most of them here in the DN, but I'm thinking I should write a bunch all at one sitting.
7 I say this every year. I mourn that I did get that together years ago and that the website vanished with all the Geocities stuff. I'm convinced that my old YB Drama Workshop site is floating around somewhere in the galaxy, much like the embryo in Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey.
8 Kubrick, by the way, is a part of a conspiracy theory. I've not gone into it too much because I had to deal with JFK's 50th death anniversary, when a deluge of new stuff came out.
9 More work than one hombre could handle.
10 The trouble is that the stuff keeps happening. The coincidences, mainly. Keeping track is easy when you aren't a guy who has profound and confusingly fun coincidences constantly surrounding him.
11 When you start referring to yourself in the third person, you need to get looked at. He does. That guy. This guy. Me.
12 Moving On, Part One: I began writing all of today's DN yesterday afternoon, when all my electrical outlets teamed up to fail in various places around the house. I'm pretty sure little ghosts were dive-bombing from plug to plug, shooting in and out of each outlet.
13 I had to spend the good part of the afternoon using scientific method to locate all of the whys and wherefores. I thought my head was going to fall off my shoulders and take off like a bowling ball rolling down a lane.
14 I'm convinced that has happened to me in a previous life. Every now and again I find myself channeling Earl Anthony.
15
16
?
17
18 The most famous bowler who ever lived.
19
Earl "the Pearl" Anthony,
the most famous bowler who
ever lived.
20 nvm.
21 That's Facebookspeak for "nevermind."
22 I'm convinced that every man who is named "Earl" is also called "The Pearl."
23 Nicknames, I swear to you. Some I love. Ponch and I have nicknames that we have inherited over the years: Ponch and H. Redemption and Bounty Hunter. Kenny-the-P of the Size-Three Knee. Cabal (me).
24 Those are fun.
25 Then I have eye-rolling approaches from random people I meet. "Heyyyyy, is Bud Wiser?"
26 Of course, I guess its party-cool that I am named after beer and hemp. When guys in pizza parlors ask my name, I usually say, "Bud, like the rose."
27 It shushes the person up pretty quickly.
28 When guys in pizza parlors ask Ponch's name, he always says, "Simon." If I ask why, he never gives me a direct answer. He just says, "Just do!" And then throws that cat-that-ate-the canary look of his. It's always hilarious.
29 Love that guy.
30 Moving On, Part Two: I found myself once more in a rush to get this out fast today.
31 I'm going somewhere in the morning and have to leave pretty early.
32 I got spoiled this summer. I used to to knock this thing out at 7:40 or at 7:45, post it, and then make it to school by 8:10, or sometimes slightly later.
33 As summer lulled on, and early retirement drew me into October, I found I could write any hour of the night, sleep in, awaken, and work on this 'til nine, then ten, then eleven, then twelve...thirty...
34 Today it must be sent by 9:30.
35 Last night I was over at Josh and Caitlin's place, putting out appetizers, cooking a couple of pizzas, and then cleaning my mess up. This got me home reasonably early, but I needed to clean un-bag, clean more stuff up, and see Helene off, as she was going back to the house to help with those pretty babies, and then spend the night.
36 I walked her out last night, which I do, so I could say g'bye, wave, and be a gentleman, but the couple next door seemed to be having words. I stood back against my front door and gave a little wave, and when she was safely down the street, I went back inside.
37 Since I watch a lot of old movies, I knew my teevee was tuned to TCM, Turner Classic Movies with Robert Osbourne.
38 I drew a glass of Chardonnay, lit down the room (yes, lighting designers do that) and settled into Le Luge, the chair, the dark-brown Lay-Z-Boy that has old-school charm, and clicked on the teevee.
39 I guessed there might be a movie on at nine, and I guessed right.
40 The sound bar was turned down, so I just caught Osbourne laying down the background about the film and all. Pretty mundane and normal.
41 What came next once again floored me.
42 The film: Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange.
43 Look it up. Listen to me in October.
44 I've a confession to make. I have never before seen A Clockwork Orange. Being a peaceful hippy-sort, I am against violins. And this film had tons of Beethoven and violins, at least the parts I watched over my glasses as I wrote this nonsense.
45 Fortunately I recorded it.
46 So. I admit to being a C.O. virgin.
47 When people would discuss it, I would fake it a bit, since I have enjoyed Kubrick's other films over the years.
48 No more lies. Nor even little lies. I've a deadline to meet, and another October coincidence just hit me in the face.
49 Good thing I had the wine or I woulda...oh yeah. The neighbor spat. I wouldn't a...
50 Eyes wide shut. This is epic.
51 Blackout.
52 Gottago.
53 See you again.
54 Peace.
31 I'm going somewhere in the morning and have to leave pretty early.
32 I got spoiled this summer. I used to to knock this thing out at 7:40 or at 7:45, post it, and then make it to school by 8:10, or sometimes slightly later.
33 As summer lulled on, and early retirement drew me into October, I found I could write any hour of the night, sleep in, awaken, and work on this 'til nine, then ten, then eleven, then twelve...thirty...
34 Today it must be sent by 9:30.
35 Last night I was over at Josh and Caitlin's place, putting out appetizers, cooking a couple of pizzas, and then cleaning my mess up. This got me home reasonably early, but I needed to clean un-bag, clean more stuff up, and see Helene off, as she was going back to the house to help with those pretty babies, and then spend the night.
36 I walked her out last night, which I do, so I could say g'bye, wave, and be a gentleman, but the couple next door seemed to be having words. I stood back against my front door and gave a little wave, and when she was safely down the street, I went back inside.
37 Since I watch a lot of old movies, I knew my teevee was tuned to TCM, Turner Classic Movies with Robert Osbourne.
38 I drew a glass of Chardonnay, lit down the room (yes, lighting designers do that) and settled into Le Luge, the chair, the dark-brown Lay-Z-Boy that has old-school charm, and clicked on the teevee.
39 I guessed there might be a movie on at nine, and I guessed right.
40 The sound bar was turned down, so I just caught Osbourne laying down the background about the film and all. Pretty mundane and normal.
41 What came next once again floored me.
42 The film: Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange.
43 Look it up. Listen to me in October.
44 I've a confession to make. I have never before seen A Clockwork Orange. Being a peaceful hippy-sort, I am against violins. And this film had tons of Beethoven and violins, at least the parts I watched over my glasses as I wrote this nonsense.
45 Fortunately I recorded it.
46 So. I admit to being a C.O. virgin.
47 When people would discuss it, I would fake it a bit, since I have enjoyed Kubrick's other films over the years.
48 No more lies. Nor even little lies. I've a deadline to meet, and another October coincidence just hit me in the face.
49 Good thing I had the wine or I woulda...oh yeah. The neighbor spat. I wouldn't a...
50 Eyes wide shut. This is epic.
51 Blackout.
52 Gottago.
53 See you again.
54 Peace.
~H~
fin.
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