The Daily News

1   Happy Wednesday, if there is such a thing. I began this morning noticing that I incorrectly reported something yesterday. I said that the very first rule in Strunk and White's The Elements of Style was the "it's" rule, "it's" meaning "it is." Turns out that WASN'T the first rule they presented; it was an example of the first rule presented.  Don't try this at home. 

2   Wednesday. Wednesdays used to mean meetings to me.

3   

4   Wednesdays used to mean meetings to me. 

5   What.

6   That wasn't a gloat; it was an English rule. 

7   You know how I threw a few writing tips out there yesterday?

8   Without a full commitment, I would like to take the next few weeks to throw a bunch of writing tips out there. The tips aren't all mine; they are actual rules and pieces of wisdom that came to me from various sources. 

9   I don't get into the entire share mentality; I just hope to put things out there for free. 

10  So here is the English rule: You know how you say, "I use to do that?"

11  <basketball buzzer>

12   "I used to do that." is the correct way to say that. 

13  Okay, <deep breath> here's the reason  why: 

The secret here is understanding that quite often, even the simplest words have alternate meanings we may not know. The word "use" in the present tense means, among eight bazillion other things "to habituate or accustom." 

14   So the translation of the sentence "I used to do that" translates roughly to "I was accustomed to doing that" with a sort-of understood once.

15   Bottom line: "I use to do that." Incorrect.

16   "I used to do that." Correct. 

17   Moving On, Part One: I'm going to stop here and throw something out there that most people don't know. There are times when different versions of writing rules are at odds with each other. 

18  Professor William Strunk, Jr. who wrote the original Elements of Style, boldly began his first chapter not with it's as I reported incorrectly yesterday, but with this rule. I'm writing this exactly as it appears in The Elements of Style:

I

Elementary Rules

of Usage

1.  Form the possessive singular of nouns by adding 's. 

      

       Follow this rule whatever the final consonant. Thus write,

             Charles's friend

             Burns's poems

             The witch's malice

19   He continues with a series of exceptions to this rule. For example, he excuses the rule if you are referring to ancient proper names, such as Jesus', Moses', Isis' etc. He does suggest re-structuring these so as not to offend, and instead to put

            The laws of Moses

            The temple of Isis

It is only after this that he presents the aforementioned "it's" rule. Still friends?  

20   I did my own research and found that John Warriner's English Grammar and Composition Complete Course not only doesn't mention Professor Strunk by name, it seems to ignore him altogether, and instead states this rule. This again is almost exactly as it appears, with the exception of page-spacing. This is from the 1988 edition, p. 669. I tried making it look as close as possible.Took hours. But here go:

The Apostrophe

311.  To form the possessive case of a singular noun, add an apostrophe and an s.

EXAMPLES    Dora's choice     Kelly's coat     Ross's sleeve

In words of more than one syllable that end in an s-sound, it is permissible to form the singular possessive by adding the apostrophe without the s. This is done to avoid too many s sounds.

EXAMPLES     the seamstress' work     Odysseus' travels

<The following appears within a red-outlined table in the original Warriner's book. It also has a red-inked hand pointing to the word "note." Blogger doesn't allow me to build tables. But then, I'm not a carpenter.>

     NOTE   Since the use of the apostrophe varies among writers, it is not possible to make a hard and fast rule about the apostrophe in singular words ending in s. Thus Hugh's poetry and Hughs's poetry are equally acceptable. If you say a word as "Hugheses" or "McCullerses," write "Hughes's" and "McCullers's." If you say "Hughes" poems or "McCullers" novels, write "Hughes'" and "McCullers'."

(1) To form the possessive case of a plural noun ending in s, add only the apostrophe.

EXAMPLES   girls' team     the Milles' back yard

Source:

Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc. From English Grammar and Composition by John E .Warriner. Copyright 1988 by

John E. Warriner.

21   No wonder the Warriner's people went out of business! They had to put up with Professor Strunk's adamant throughout their tenure. 

22   My thoughts on all of that are this simple: Chose one and go with it if both are correct. You will definitely encounter a lot more push back if you use Strunk's method. I'm pretty sure more people were taught Warriner's English Grammar and Comp than were taught Strunk and White. Therefore, here are MY examples of correctness:

EXAMPLES   girls' team  the Milles' back yard

23  Okay so I plagiarized. I did so to establish a point. Nobody will question the Warriner's style. It was a benign plagiarism, which is a clear and present oxymoron. I'm pretty sure most people know from the sheer context of all this nonsense that the sources were cited.

24   Four English teachers just passed out.

25   Sorry.

25   Moving On, Part Two: Ahh, the language can be a poppy field we dance through on a beautiful September morn!

26   It can also be a minefield. 

27   I hope this stuff is helpful. The reason people don't understand the language is because it intimidates.

28   I hope to put enough simple rules out there that anyone can improve. 

29   I do this for God, country, and Facebook. 

30   If you are listing three things, put commas after the first two.

31  ...unless you are a law office, or the name of some business...

32  ...and other exceptions.

33   Sometimes I think I must go mad. 

34   

35   Horsefeathers, right?

36   Right. Wonderful Marx Brothers film. If you haven't seen it, walk right off your job, go home, put on your teevee and find it on Netflix. Or by any means necessary. 

37   If you are at a meeting and you happen to have one of those small stink bombs that students ALWAYS manage to have, bust it open and tell people you ate too many eggs this morning. They'll be happy to be rid of you.

38

39   Nah, don't do that. Just leave. I used to stay to the bitter end of meetings, but not everyone does that. I have this idiotic work ethic that haunts me. 

40   I'm retired and writing this anyway. Who DOES that?

41  <pointing two thumbs at his collar> This guy.

42  Hey, it's fun. What can I say?

43  AND you can get away with manipulating people.

44  You can get them looking in one direction, and then you can cannonball them in another.

45   And...

46   

47

48  Ka-BOOM!!!!!!!

49   Actually a cannonball is more of a Ker-CHUNK!!!!!!!

50   Admit it.

51   You never saw that guy comin'. 

52   He's always good for a cheap laugh, which is what EVERYONE needs midweek. 

53   I gottago.

54   I don't REALLY gottago, but I have things to do.

55   So we'll see you again.

56   TTYL.

57   Peace.

~H~

fin.