The Daily News

1  Well done my friends! Many of you involved in education made it through the first day yesterday.

2   I didn't think it was funny that the second the bell rang to end the day for many of you, AMC-HD played the film Armageddon. 

3  It played Jaws-2 when I got all this stuff going.

4  Somebody has a sense of humor. 

5   

6  It's the Man I tellya.

7  The Man be Messin' wid our minds yo.

8  

9   Anybody lookin'?

10  Moving On, Part 1: Hey all you Class of '05 goofs! I finally remembered to grab a ticket for your reunion coming up on August 22 at the Fahrenheit Lounge downtown. 

11  I think it is 7 to 11, and I'm really excited to see and hear from many of you. It's been a while!

12   I'll probably arrive at around 10:30, just so I can be fashionably late and therefore the centre of attention.

13

14   JUST kidding!

15   The last thing I want to be these days is the centre of attention. 

16   As a <ahem> FORMER teacher, I'm here to tellya that when you have had an entire career in which your job is being the centre of attention, you REALLY don't want to be that. 

17   Moving On, Part Two: I always enjoyed the peace of summertime. As rewarding as it is, at the end of the school year teachers begin foaming at the mouth, many turning into wildebeests. 

18  Seriously. On the last day of school last year I was so burnt out I dragged myself to my car, which stood in the hot sun in the custodians' parking lot. I feared I might collapse and be left to the vultures and wildebeests. My Achilles throbbed in pain, but I managed to nurse myself home. 

19   Not feeling that this year. 

20

21   Oh, I KNOW, I KNOW. 

22   Wildebeest, btw, is the correct spelling. 

23   Do you know what a wildebeest is?

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25   

26   Give up?

27   It is a gnu, indigenous to areas of Africa. 

A gnu playing the flute. 

28   I once went to Botswana and rode a gnu. 

29   HIs name was York. 

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31   

32   Sorry.

33   I need to get some gnu material. 

34   Moving On, Part 3: No, seriously.

35   Anybody lookin'?

36   Fear of the Walking Dead <bring thundering drums up on teevee sound bar>.

37   That was the sponsor to the film Armageddon, which if I may remind, is the film blasting off my teevee yesterday afternoon, when I was piecing all of this nonsense together.

38   Fortunately, the late afternoon is when my biorhyths begin scraping the pavement. 

39   It's traditionally the time I need a serious nap. 

40   I used to have papers to grade, and they would sometimes put me right out, especially on a hot afternoon. 

41   Now I'm dozing off while the world comes to an end.

42    The film Armageddon can get pretty loud and booming. I'm dozing. I'm...dozing. G'day...g'night. <dozes for a stint> <a "ka-BOOM" from the sound bar. Armageddon.>

43    OH HAILLLLLLL nah. Armageddon outta here!

44    

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47    Okay, okay, I'll stop.

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49    

50   Fookin' yeesh. 

51   

52   You know what I crave right now?

53

54   A chocolate mousse. 

55   

56   I'm pretty sure all that talk about a gnu caused it, but it's a craving, not gonna lie. 

57   Watching a movie about the end of mankind and slamming a chocolate mousse is on my bucket list, daddy-o. 

58

59   And learning a few gnu jokes. 

60   

61   Think I'm gonna bounce. 

62   I'll tellya how the movie ends tomorrow. 

63   Oh the movie never ends; it goes on and on and on and...

64   Strangers.

65   Gottago.

66   See you again.

67   Peace.

~H~

fin.