The Daily News
1 Did you ever finally clean your fridge, and midway through want to run away?
2 Yeah.
3 Me, last night.
4 The glamour of traveling all over the place isn't without its pitfalls, one of which is that organic veggies melt down fast in a fridge.
5 I know this sounds anal but I keep a Sharpie on me all the time. I label the date I put veggies in the fridge, even if it runs a little and turns my fingers black.
6 Yesterday when I ran for some creamer in the morning, I put the creamer back in the fridge.
7 Later in the day I wanted to do an afternoon ice coffee and couldn't find the creamer that took me around an hour to get due to traffic from the school up the street.
8 Ah, the glamour of retirement. What's funny is that just getting through each day is STILL a full-time job, especially when your fridge has so much stuff in it you can't find anything.
9 And Wednesday? Really? The garbage guys come to our area on Tuesdays. Wednesday is not a good choice of day to have wet garbage in huge bags all around the house.
10 Fortunately I have a freezer in the garage so I find myself taking these huge bags and freezing them.
11 And I'm so ass-backwards with my planning that I decided to do this after driving the T0000000NDRA on a forty-minute ride to the recycling place I prefer.
12 The closer one is free, but you can get hit by a tractor if you're not careful. They seem not to see you, and that place is around the size of my dining room.
13 On the way home I had a hankerin' for some healthy foods and bought about six million organic vegetables and committed myself to finally tackling the fridge.
14 Nice thinking.
15 AND I bought some organic meatballs to put into an organic spaghetti sauce in my organic crock pot.
16
17 I'm very organic.
18 I shampoo with organic oat shampoo and I use coconut aloe vera to keep my face as soft as a baby's butt.
19 I chose oat shampoo because I see what nice complexions horses have.
20 That horse be like "Hey, leave me out of it!"
21 All this after five p.m. when I got home from the organic recycling place.
22 I wound up throwing away huge amounts of unmarked organic foods, enough to constitute another dash to the recyclers, or did I already say that?
23
24 And to think, I didn't think I'd have enough to talk about this morning.
25 The thing about cleaning out the fridge is that we tend to underestimate how much stuff even a small fridge can hold.
26 I got home from the recycling place and was pretty thirsty. I opened the fridge to grab a cold water but got hit in the chest by an open rasberry soda, organic of course.
27 It was one of those mini-cans, but it got all over the inside of the fridge AND in the freezer section. It dripped down the side, onto my new floor and UNDER the fridge.
28 And that's how it all started. I got so mad I decided to punish myself, a very Catholic thing to do. That tiny soda seemed to hit everything: pickle jars, mayonnaise, relish, onions; you get the idea. It even splashed on my pants.
29 So I got mad and began taking everything out.
30 Before I knew it I was surrounded by a temple of garbage.
31 At one point I stopped and wondered what I had just done. I wasn't underwhelmed.
32 I wanted to watch the Saints/Patriots game. Was that yesterday? I wouldn't know because I didn't see a second of the game.
33 I began asking spiritual questions. I think I even had a religious experience.
34 Anyhow, that all happened I think yesterday.
35 Moving On, Part One: For whatever reason this morning when I awakened I thought of looking up this fellow:
36 And then I thought of these guys:
38 I eventually settled in, decided it was all a means to an end, and now my fridge is fresh as a daisy.
39 I can see everything from the street when the door is open.
40 I'm so happy now I want to cry.
41 Tough guy.
42 I think I'm going to re-name Wednesdays. I never liked its handle anyway. Why not just Clean-the-Fridge Day?
43 It's a cool concept.
44
45 Okay that was stupid.
46 Sorry.
47 I'll NEVER do that again.
48 NEV-er. <mimes the word again>
49 EV-er.
50 Moving On, Part Two: Every once in a while I miss teaching.
51 Not all the politics and meetings and stuff, just goofing with the students.
52 I inevitably look up at the large clock in my dining room.
53 Hmm. 9:14 a.m.
54 I would be finishing up my first class of the day.
55 Instead I'm hammering this folderol out.
56 Ah, it's a living. Reminds me of Ponch's response whenever someone says, " I don't see how you guys can teach!" His response: "Beats workin'! "
57 Gottago.
58 See you again.
59 Peace.
~H~
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