The Daily News
1 B-R-R-R-R-R-INNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!
2 Thinking about you yo. I mean all y'all.
3 We're baaaaaaack!!!!!!!
4 Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
5 What?
6 Oh, that!
7 It is 5:45 yesterday afternoon as I cook up this stuff.
8 Jesus is the name of the guy who came and prettied up my house today. He looked nothing like the Bible Guy.
9 Mary is the name of the beverages we are quaffing, none of which are virgins.
10 And Joseph is the last name of Jeff "The-REAL-Cap'n' Jack Sparrow" Joseph, who has completely re-done the floor in our bathroom.
11 There is a toilet in two pieces sitting on my front porch staring down the neighbors. As we speak.
12 Hope I didn't shake you up too much.
13 Listening to James Brown. You get that way. People got to believe.
14 So.
15 This is officially my 20th year of dishing out the good ol' DN.
16 I got to.
17 It's gonna be interesting.
18 I want to begin with wishing everyone starting school in the next few weeks a wonderful and enjoyable school year.
19 In the long run, I hope you all do everything to improve yourselves, grow, learn, love and laugh.
20 And make glorious memories.
21 The first days are the hardest days.
22 Don't you worry anymore.
23 You got this. Roll with the fun and excitement of starting all over again.
24 I'm there with you.
25 Jesus, Mary and Joseph are there with you as well.
26 Good to be back. Feeling connected.
27 Not feeling connectedness, one of those fluky Common Core head-scratchers.
28 But connected. Definitely.
29 Moving On, Part One: But what about unconnected?
30 Not gonna lie. I usually lie. But this time not gonna lie.
31 There is also a very free-form, free-flying disconnect as I throw this nonsense around. For one thing, I don't feel pressured to get this thing done this morning before I get out the door.
32 Instead I awaken, look down at my big toe, see no tag hanging from it, and think of that cannonball guy I used to amuse people all last year.
33 Wouldn't think of it this morning.
34
35 Keep scrolling.
36
37 "What cannonball guy?"
38
39
28 But connected. Definitely.
29 Moving On, Part One: But what about unconnected?
30 Not gonna lie. I usually lie. But this time not gonna lie.
31 There is also a very free-form, free-flying disconnect as I throw this nonsense around. For one thing, I don't feel pressured to get this thing done this morning before I get out the door.
32 Instead I awaken, look down at my big toe, see no tag hanging from it, and think of that cannonball guy I used to amuse people all last year.
33 Wouldn't think of it this morning.
34
35 Keep scrolling.
36
37 "What cannonball guy?"
38
39
40
41
42 You know...
43
44
45 I really do have to come up with a better shtick.
46
47 Here it comes.
48
49
50 Keep scrolling.
51
52 Ah, I can always change out of it tomorrow!
53
54 So here go, bitches!
55
56 Anybody lookin'?
57 I hope coffee and hot oatmeal just shot through your eyeballs and nostrils. I feel it is my job to make those puppies flare like the nose of a horse.
58 Welcome back. This year makes
the DN's 20th.
59 Have a GREAT first day, those of you trying to get your right leg into your underpants.
60 You look like a foogin' stork. So...
61 Everybody go in with confidence, shits and giggles, and I promise you nothing but good times.
62 More to come...
63 Make today happen.
64 See you again.
65 Peace.
~H~
No comments:
Post a Comment