The DN

WHO GOT ISSUES?

These guys for certain.

Pillory Clinton.

These idiots.

1  Any promises I made prior to this morning are off.

2  Anybody lookin'?

3  I'm reeling.

4  Went to a GREAT birthday party Saturday night. It was for this guy who has a HUGE crush on Amy G. AND was photographed with her in the Giants' dugout.

5  Listen mysterious pal: you can run but you can't hide. 

6  Party of the year. 

7   I hallucinated that my Dad AND my Aunt Tag were there holding court. 

8   AND...

9   A huge party arrived with some of the best people I know...

10  AND...

11  Suddenly Ponch showed up and we parked it next to a Keggerator, but we used it only for leaning. 

12  We leaned a lot. 

13   

14  I meant "learned a lot"; it just got away from me.

15   

16  Oh what, are you crazy?

17  We talked shop.<to the rhythm of a Conga line> 

18  We leaned a lot and we talked shop <cha cha cha> and we LEANED a lot: we talked shop!

19   <music stops><rhythm clearly off>

20   Disclaimer #hashtagone: this is only an hallucination people. It results from the morning after the night before. 

21   We never touched a drop.

22   Seesly.

23   On the level: great fun.

24   I would identify publicly the party throwers, but they are hilarious, and pranksters, and pretty mischievous.

25   You know how some people are Freemasons?

26   Same sorta thing. 

27   Secret handshakes and stuff.

28   Only we are all more slick.

29   We were Facebook before that Zuke guy was born. "We" includes a select group at the birthday party. 

30   I'm well thinking of suing that fellow for plagiarism. 

31   "We" existed as a nexus of intelligent people who formed a club designed specifically for goofing off at work. 

32   We stood and still stand as the immortal GOC: The Goof-Off Club. 

33    And a sort of nexus DID occur, because the only person we hadn't met as far as I know is this fellow I shall define only as "Dr. Robert."

34  He was a major member of the GOC, and is an actual doctor. 

35   The GOC consisted of some amazingly hilarious people. Our modus operandi was for me to send out a daily goof: a question, a command, or any sort of morning prompt which meant you had to come up with ten answers, all of which must take you off your job for a bit, and seek to bring people to tears of laughter Right Under the Boss's Nose (RUTBN).  

36   Here is a typical goof: Who got issues?

37   You HAD to answer before the end of the work day, and you had to come up with ten answers AND any stated reasons. 

38   Well, you didn't HAVE to do anything; that was the point of the club. 'Murica. 

39   Pretty wily. 

40   It began with mainly family but later branched to friends. So we knew people online and goofed with people who were friends of friends, but whom we never met. Over the years we would meet in Tahoe and laugh our butts off for two straight weeks 

41   Until Saturday night Ponch and I had never met the  mysterious Dr. Robert. We knew him for a few years as a card-carrying goof but never met him in the flesh. 

42   We finally met Dr. Robert at the aforementioned party on Saturday night. 

43  A meeting of the minds. Look forward to more. I'll give you a sample of how a goof unfolds:

44  Good morning, my goofy friends. Today should be pretty poopy being a Monday and all, so I've something on which we can all goof: Who got issues?

Cabal

For the record Cabal is my code name. Don't tell anyone. 

Here go: Who got Issues?

10  Richard Simmons.

9    Man George. No pictures, please.

8    Any Kardashian.

7    Amy G.

6    Derek Carr. Two issues this fine morn. Each knee.

5    Any Harbaugh.

4    Pence, only because I assume he was called "Under Pants" his entire childhood. 

3    Crows.

2    Richard Sherman. How you gonna tell me?

1    Bob Melvin. Tough to go through childhood with a last name like that. Can't even imagine.

45   That is the basic anatomy of a goof. It's just that if you have ten people doing this and it comes at you throughout the day, you spend MUCH more time with friends and family than you do workin'.  AND you MAY here over a hundred items. It's money. 

46   And you might just make hot oatmeal shoot through unsuspecting/but expecting noses.

47   You do this for God and country. 

48  And to ensure the longevity of the oatmeal biz.

49   I gottago.

50   It's Monday.

51   Fly low.

52   Goof off today. Whoever you're giving all your time to doesn't deserve it. You know it; I know it. 

53   It's catchy. 

54   I do gottago.

55   See you again.

56   Peace.

~H~