Say cheese.
A rather bad man dies and meets Satan in a room with three doors. Satan explains, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have to spend eternity behind one of these doors. But, the good news is that you can take a peek behind each and take your choice."
So, the man opened the first door and saw a room full of people, standing on their heads on a concrete floor. Not very nice, he thought.
Opening the second door, he saw a room full of people standing on their heads on a wooden floor. Better, he thought, but best to check the last door.
Upon opening the last door, he saw a room full of people, standing waist-deep in excrement and sipping coffee.
"Of the three, this one looks best," he said and waded in to get something to drink while Satan closed the door.
A few minutes later the door opened, Satan stuck his head in and said, "Ok, coffee break's over, back on your heads!"
2 Anybody lookin'?
3 We're baaaaaaack.
4 Oldest joke on the planet. I did steal the copy from some guy named sjacob. I need to give credit where credit is due, so here is sjacob's website. Please have a look so I don't get sued for being a joke crook.
5 Hope you had a nice rest. I sure did. Last night though, yeesh.
6 It's tough to get back to the grind after a few days off.
7 I found myself driving around studying my neighbors' Christmas lights for inspiration.
8 One thing I found was this: do NOT use my neighbors' lights as prototypes.
9 I turned the corner and one guy had a string of icicles that looked like a necklace hanging over a cheap bra.
10 The guy who lives next to me topped that. First off, his entire yard looks like a junkyard that blew up. This is on a normal day. Odd metal things decorate the weeds, and he often strings Christmas lights in random spots, just above an old saucepan filled with rusty water, for example, or all through a fallen kite.
11 At Christmas time he goes all out. Last night I saw that he had once again taken his two dirty Christmas dishtowels from last year and hung them on a clothesline. He built on this brilliance this year by lighting them from behind.
12 Lovely.
13 "Billy, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?"
14 <looking around>
15 Well. Airplane is on in the background, so excuse the occasional randomness. I'm giggling at stupid stuff here.
16 Where did we leave off? I don't remember. That was all the way a week ago Mondee.
17 afkfdklafjdkfj;fsaf
18 Oh, that's right.
19 I'm not sure. I do remember hitting random keyboard keys, but this behavior existed between thoughts.
20 Since I have no thoughts this morning, this becomes a tight squeeze.
21 I did spend a little time looking into conspiracy theories over the holiday.
22 I came away with a lot, but the most believable is this: the Secret Service in Dallas on November 22, 1963 were drinking grapefruit juice and Everclear 'til well into the morning. I got THAT bored. That's an accurate statistic. Everclear and grapefruit. I can't even begin to imagine.
23 This excuses any of them, in my opinion.
24 Good source.
25 Cellar Club, Fort Worth. 10/21/63.
26 Who knew? Who'd remember?
27 I realized the second I read that statistic that I probably hopped miles ahead of my students.
28 I left them dazzled.
29 I actually didn't.
30 I tried, on Toozdee. I wouldn't say I failed, but I don't think I got across what I wanted.
31 I tried like heck to teach, but there's something about a day before a holiday that comes in and renders learning useless. Toozdee was officially the day before our Thanksgiving holiday. No matter how hard you try, learning on a getaway day seems fruitless.
32 The same is true of the day of return from holiday. Notice I said "learning" and not teaching. Nice shift of blame.
33 AnywayZ...that's what I shall attempt this fine morning. Trust me; this time it'll work. I'm tanned, rested and ready.
34
35 Okay, coffee break's over, back on your heads.
36 This took me forever to write last night.
37 I'm quite certain it shows.
38 Anyway, go in tough today.
39 They're all feeling just like you.
40 Your jobs, communally, are to fly low.
41 You're just getting revved up for Tuesday.
42 You should be able to slip through the cracks. Even if you're the boss. Here's some advice: fly low.
43 Have your Stacy Alerts set to "On."
44 You'll get by.
45 Tomorrow's the tough one.
46 So smile and enjoy the sunshine and the birdies today.
47 You'll be fine.
48 See you again.
49 Peace.
~H~
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