The DN
1 Man I lost my Santa hat.
2 Ask Ponch how much that bums me out.
3 Anybody knows me knows I am Captain Christmas.
4 Anybody lookin'?
5 Okay.
6 If you haven't figured it out yet, I've a bit of a rep for being a Grinch.
7 In the last few years though I have definitely mellowed.
8 Too lazy to be grumpy.
9 But every once in a while I get some really fun and devilishly evil thoughts.
10 I'm a Secret Santa this year. That's this gig where you sign up to be a Secret Santa and give some random person a gift every day for like a thousand days, and then reveal your Secret Identity on the last day, whenever that happens.
11 I've been a pretty good Secret Santa, although there is a huge element of creepiness to it if you ask me.
12 It's like you stumble around Walgreens looking for two-bit presents, and then you have to sneak them to a mailbox through hidden bags or other stealthy means.
13 First time Secret Santa here. Is that how most rookies feel?
14 It's sort of like the one time YB got me to play Santa.
15 You attain a whole different perspective on Christmas.
16 I had felt like I was in some POV cinema verite deal.
17 EVERYBODY loves you. Absolutely everybody. It's unnatural.
18 But it doesn't take long for little kids to come by and start kissing your ass.
19 You also have to lie to children. "Well Bobby, you know, Santa has to cover a lot of territory, but I'll see if I can get you that Leap Pad II Bundle you've reminded me of for thirteen straight minutes."
20
21 "Uh...Santa just caught the price on that little puppy and uh...frankly you look broke-as-a joke and uh...it might be expensive for the elves to make. Maybe Santa could get you a real cool green glass from Dollar-or-Less."
22
23 "Would that be cool?"
24 "WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
25
26
Ah, I HAVE mellowed since those days, but really, if I had it to do all over again, I would probably carry around coal, ask the kids where they live, record it on my cell, and then on Christmas eve find the top ten greediest kids and place a piece of charcoal in an old sock, put their name on a Post-It, and drop it on their porch.
27 Nah, just kiddin'.
28 I did think about finding two people who don't like each other at work, and spiking a lump of coal in both of their boxes, just to see if they might go after each other at the end of the day.
29 Nah, just kiddin'.
30 Anybody lookin'?
31 It is a weird time though. I keep trying to get all my work done and everybody else wants to goof off.
32 I should loosen up and get into the spirit of it all, but I sorta prefer being that old curmudgeon sitting around on a Cloud.
33 Captain Christmas.
34 Uh yup.
35 That would be me.
36 Moving On, Part One: fkafjafjdkfj
37 I'm pretty merry because I got lots of work done last night.
38 I'm also pretty merry because I get to see a student get an award at lunchtime tomorrow.
39 That sort of stuff makes me happy.
40 I love little stuff like that. I loved listening to the Special Ed students saying, "Uh oh..." every few seconds when they watched Puss-in-Boots.
41 I loved the coincidence of yesterday shopping around for a cheap version of The Odyssey, finding one at Barnes and Noble, glancing down on the way out, and seeing Heidi, the book.
42 Honest. Barnes and Noble at Eastridge. I felt really dizzy yesterday and went in there just to walk for a sec, found a beautiful version of the story, and got out just in time to glance down and see Heidi. Go there and look to your left and down as you enter the store. At least I think that's where it was.
43 In fact, the other day I wrote about all these coincidences that had happened, including a coincidence with Chaplin's City Lights.
44 AFTER I wrote all that, I put on the teevee the night before last and the movie Ali was on. I originally started that DN trying to compare going in to work the first fifteen minutes to a boxer all pumped up before a fight is which he gets pummeled.That brought forth the entire Chaplin/City Lights/boxing thing, followed by the Russian gal on HGTV mentioning "city lights" and all the rest.
45 I like that stuff. And, truth be told, I like Christmas. Just don't tell anyone. I DO have an image I wish to keep.
46 So I guess I'm not really THAT much of a Grinch.
47 That obnoxious Grinch commercial with that REALLY lousy actor just came on the teevee.
48 My cue to duck out.
49 You guys have a GREAT Thursday!
50 It's a perfect day to make great.
51 Gottago.
52 See you again.
53 Fly low.
54 Peace.
~H~
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