--Ellen Griswold
2 Classic.
3 Keeping up with the bombardment of Christmas is a spiritual war.
4 Much of it travels through the Griswold's front yard.
5 What a kick in the pants.
6 Whew.
7 <Dusting snow off his jacket.> Just flew in from the past, and boy!
8 Anybody lookin'?
9 No I DID just come in from the past.
10 For some reason I decided to look over some of my old posts on this thing, and stopped at December 12.
11 Time machine.
12 It was the one with the fireflies. It in the column to the right of this post. To locate it, scroll back up. At first you are in space, then posts will appear. Go to the post that begins, "This is the One." and click on it when prompted later in this post. Do that, and you will travel back in time. Promise.
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13 While scrolling around I found that all the fonts on the last part of that post had turned ashen, and the pictures enormous.
14 I think it stemmed from my cutting and pasting something from Dictionary.com, which is done in Times.
15 That's a font, you fonthead.
16 Now where was I?
17 Oh yeah. Time travel.
18 At first I panicked. "Oh, my!" I thought. "All the fonts turned ashen, and the pictures enormous! I think it stemmed from Dictionary.com, which is done in Times.And this post has stood like this for three days? O, the humanity!"
19 I couldn't leave it like that, so I decided to do a repair, even though the piece had already been launched, and had traveled around the globe. Literally.
20 Anybody lookin'?
21 I decided to remain in the past and do some repairs.
22 It didn't go as smoothly as it should have. For example, I highlighted the fonts and pushed a button that should have restored them to white-on-black background.
23 <basketball buzzer>
24 Instead they white-highlighted the ashen words out so that it looked Freedom of Information files released by the CIA.
25 A lot of expletives deleted. Like the entire second part of the post. Only in negative, like old film from old cameras. Only black and white, like Spy v. Spy.
26 I felt I had time travelled. I spelled "traveled" "travelled" to sound and look pretentious, like H.G. Wells, or that Barney guy from How I Met Your Mother. Pretty spiffy, ay?
27 So today's DN is unique in that it travels back in time, and then back to the future, which is today, which is 12/15/13, which is actually last night, when this portion was written.
28 Get it?
29 I had a chance to go back into the past and repair something, and then return in my own Time Machine.
30 You may travel there to examine the amazing repair work.
31 Scroll up to number twelve and click on the post that begins, "This is the One."
32 Godspeed.
33 Good good. You're back. You not only travelled back to December 12, you returned on December 16, even though you technically departed last night, even though it is this morning.
34 Nevermind.
35 The bottom line is you're safe, and staring down the barrel of a Monday.
36 Fear nothing.
37 Take this day by storm. Body slam the thing.
38 Do not go gentle.
39 I'll take a back door outta here.
40 Have a good day.
41 Fly low.
42 Gottago.
43 See you again.
44 Peace.
~H~
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