The Daily News

1   It's FRIDEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

2   Stuff's REAL.

3    Well, looks like we have a Super Bowl with a team that should be disqualified for using flat footballs.

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6    Scandalous!

7   Why, no other NFL team cheats.

     With the exception of...all of them?

8    Puh-leeze. We tend to look the other way at wife beaters, steroid abusers, thugs, druggies, and nearly anything else the out-of-control NFL turns a blind eye to.

9    Then the world turns on Tom Brady for throwing around flat footballs.

 <Distant voice of one guy yelling> TOM BRADY!!! LET'S GET 'IM!!!! <sound fox horns and baying hounds>

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13   God. Can I get a yeesh? The Batman. Framed. Can't beat it, I swear. I'm rollin'. 

14    Remember when you were young enough to believe in things like fairness? I sort of do. I like when things seem fair. I'm still that dumb. And the world has gone dumber. 

15   We've lived through almost five months of NFL nonsense this year and ultimately, there are two teams left.

16   Let them duke it out.

17   When do pitchers and catchers report?

18   Moving On, Part One: Ah, Frideeeeeee!!!!!!!

19   Why take anything seriously?

20   I gotta stop being such a curmudge.

21   We sure become that in time.

22   What you need right about now is seltzer  bottle and a cannonball from this bitch:

23   Or this one:

24   Or this one:

25   You are getting sleepy.

26    Moving On, Part Two: Ah, yeesh.

27   Let's just move it on. It's Friday light. 

28   So this will be a Bud Lite. 

29   I won't keep you. Too much fun to be had, and I'm outta ideas. 

30   If you stare at that CIA hypnotist thingy for around four years, you'll start seeing this page ripple. 

31  It'll also be HELLA difficult to walk. 

32

33   Don't try this at home. 

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35   You don't have four years.

36   Okay.

37   I'm outta here for the weekend. 

38   Stay healthy and have a GREAT weekend, willya?

39   See you again.

40   Peace.

~H~