The Daily News
2 Anybody lookin'?
3 Wasn't it JUST Garbage Day?
4 Will the holidays please get off the skating rink so we can dismantle it?
5 You know what amazes me? People still light their Christmas lights. I drove past several houses last night and these people can't seem to move on.
6 It isn't graceful.
7 You rip the stuff down right after New Years'.
8 It's almost Valentine's. I know because I saw Valentine's stuff going up on Christmas Eve.
9 Move on, people. Life doesn't work this way.
10 Ah, go ahead and enjoy it. I'm just an old curmudge.
11 Moving On, Part One: I did leave out that my crazy neighbor, who shall remain nameless, once kept his Christmas lights on almost to St. Patrick's Day.
12 I can sort of understand leaving lights up year round because it is a pain to take them down <and that's a HUGE sort of> but still lighting them at this stage is sort of strange.
13 People are starting to put lights up for all sorts of things though. It's sort of nice. I put lights up in my back yard during the summer, but they're dangling umbrella lights that go with icy lemonade.
14 Goofy Guy's lights are twinkling as we speak.
15 I really want to say his name, but I fear someone out there might tip him off that I've been publicly declaring him a kook.
16 So Goofy Guy will suffice.
17 Moving On, Part Two: I'm leaving campus at 3:30 every day now. Thanks for the hardcore negotiating, school District. Many teachers have seen the light, and will be giving you a lot fewer volunteer services.
18 I got used to enjoying family, friends, cooking, playing music, singing, writing, and enjoying life.
19 I'm going to continue to make life take precedence over school. Had you negotiated in good faith I would have gone back and worked my butt off for you.
20 And I'm just one guy. LOTS of us feel the same way.
21 You don't burn people who have given you literally thousands of volunteer hours over the years. You just don't. I'm done withal.
22 THAT feeling has buzzed through many classrooms. I'm having a ball with my students' skits. They're having a ball making me laugh. I have cut back on grading over 650 papers already.
23 So thanks.
24 Moving On, Part Three: I LOVE my Magic Bullet. Not only does it keep me thinking about JFK and MLK and Bobby, it also gives me a ton of healthy foods each day.
25 Yesterday I had a shake that had carrots, kale, zucchini, yellow squash, broccoli, cauliflower, blueberries, strawberries, and soy milk. It filled two party cups and it totally energized me.
26 I'm being careful. One thing I know about health kicks: the second you brag about them, someone comes up and says, "You know, too many <fill-in-the-blanks> can give you serious health issues..."
27 Dude.
28 I was throwing down salty fries, polish sausages, potato chips and premier beverages. My guess is that my new lifestyle > than my old one.
29 Why did I do that?
30 Why did the Niners put Tomsula in as head coach? Some things defy logic.
31 No time to cook. Didn't want to wash dishes 'til 9 p.m.
32 My Magic Bullet cleans up sweetly. It's treated with some horrific chemicals <I'll head you off, beotches!> that need a little soap and water, a good rinse and viola!
33 Beoches Rapidas.
34 I was returning from running copies last night when that phrase hit me square in the face.
35 I amused myself with the concept. It sounds like a foreign language, but I made it up. In my own language, it translates roughly to this: "Rapid Bitches."
36 A Beoche Rapida is anything that comes at you and tries to knock you out.
37 It can be something as simple as an envelope that reads, "Open Immediately", but it can also be, "Um...can you come down to my office later today? We need to talk..."
38
39 You need to recognize them, and counter them instantly.
40 "No, Beoche Rapida. I think not. I'm booked solid! Sorry, can't be done!" And then walk away.
41 Booked solid. More solid than Captain America's shield. Fight B.R. with B.S.
43 FACE booked solid, beotche!
44
45 Have a cream pie!
46
47
49 Random.
50 Years ago I worked in a furniture store with this guy who called himself Titmouse. The guy was a scream. Hippy sort, intellectual Berkeley sorta guy. He looked more like the cat that ate the canary than he did a Titmouse, but he called himself Titmouse nonetheless.
51 Every once in a while he would yell for no apparent reason, "Chabasco, the flaming tabasco!" and smile a Cheshire smile.
52 It was akin to Greek people, who absolutely must yell "OPA!" when they are giddy beyond all reason.
53 And this without the magic of Ouzo.
54 Anyway, I think that it is time for me to get on my horse; I have a saloon to run.
55 See you again, Beotches Rapidas!
56 Have a GREAT day.
57 Peace.
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