2 Hooray.
3 Anybody lookin'?
4 I just woke up from Tuesday.
5 <wiping sleep from eyes>
6 <yawn>
7 <shaking head side to side>
8 There.
9 It's fun that I talked about sleep and insomnia the other day because yesterday a wonderful student named Rolan came into my classroom at lunch and asked if he could use my puter. He looked stressed. "Any time," I said.
10 He had been awake since 2 a.m.
11 I felt I had a kindred spirit.
12 I don't think he is an insomniac. I must say that staying awake for that chunk of time isn't easy. I've done it many times. Knowing Rolan as I do, I'm pretty sure he was doing what many students do: an all-nighter. This isn't technically insomnia since it is specific-stress related.
13 I always think about school and making things happen, and it keeps me up at all sorts of odd hours.
14 But I'm a classic Type-A insomniac. I have to battle it every single night. That's bad in that it is chronic, but it is good in that I have learned to live with it.
15 I know how to get back to sleep and how to control it.
16 When I did activities it got ridiculous. My rule of thumb was always this: as long as I get a minimum of five hours in a twenty-four hour period I should be good.
17 More is always welcome.
18 But as one of my colleagues once put it, "When I wake up I look at the clock. If I slept five or more hours I always say, 'Got my five!'"
19 That's my minimum. Six or more is a good rest.
20 Seven to ten is a Saturday.
21 Here is a little secret as to how I get back to sleep: I have a mantra.
22 For those new to that one, a mantra is a word that you breathe out. The classic mantra is "Ommmmmmm."
23 That never worked for me. Maybe it's because I was taught it by hippies who smelled of B.O. and patchouli.
24 Anybody lookin'?
25 Ommmmmmm schmommmmmmm. Dude, take a bath.
26 M'bad.
27 I read about ommmmmmming over the years. I tried transcendental meditation, chakras, crystals, and Crystal Light.
28 When I did transcendental meditation I once astral projected to the ends of the universe.
29 I got a huge kiss on the cheek by a fully lipsticked Shirley Maclaine, and soon fell off the couch.
30 Astral projection worked though. I just changed its name.
31 I called it a nap.
32 <looking around, eyes darting to and fro>
33 Anybody lookin'? Chakra sorts? Glowing rainbow bodies?
34 It's a nap. Pure and simple. If you are astral projecting anywhere it is going to be right off the couch and onto a hard floor.
35 <Looking about furitvely> I also discovered the only mantra that works.
36 I've told billions of people. Nobody has ever tried it, as far as I can tell.
37 My mantra is simple. If I awaken I'm usually tortured by thoughts of things I can't control at two or three in the morning.
38 They fly at me like mad bats, one right after the other.
39 My choices are simple. I could try to solve them. Or I could realize how fruitless that solution is, and use my mantra to fight them off.
40 Here is my mantra: "Sleeeeeeep."
41 I have to do it around six or seven times when attacked but eventually it becomes the only logical thing to do, and to listen to.
42 Life throws too much at us each day. We can't possibly channel all of it.
43 It's been my experience that we will never solve it in the middle of the night, unless it requires a morning deadline.
44 That's another kettle of oats.
45 Here's the secret. Come close: Normal insomnia can be battled with the word "Sleeeeeeep." It relaxes the body and the soul. Think good thoughts. Think favorite people. Think favorite places. Think favorite things. Think favorite pets. You get the idea.
46 Then relax your shoulders and repeat: "Sleeeeeeep."
47 The word contains seven "e" 's, one for each day of the week.
48 That's an old Indian legend.
49 <Looking around> It actually isn't an old Indian legend at all. That sounds good though, you must admit. Anything always sounds better if it's an old Indian legend.
50 It also works in most normal sleep interruptions, like dogs barking or in my instance, Rooster Man crowing.
51 Speaking of which: I think either Rooster Man or his rooster died. I haven't heard a crow in months.
52 Those of you who follow this drivel might remember back to the beginning of the school year when I thought the guy next door was doing some sort of primal scream each morning, HELLA early.
53 I pictured him a skinny Scooby-Do white guy being bent forward by his wife until he would crow.
54 I even pictured his legs crossed like a pretzel and being sat on by his toothless wife, and all sorts of other horrid things.
55 He would crow for around a half hour to forty-five minutes every single day, and thrice on weekend days.
56 One day my daughters visited and heard him in the morning. "Dad. That's a rooster," said Caitlin.
57 "It's totally a real rooster Dad," said Nicole.
58 The guy would then crow and I'll be darned if it didn't sound like a rooster.
59 "He doesn't sound like that when you guys aren't here." I said.
60 The debate continued for a bit. At some time during the holidays the crowing ceased.
61 I may never know. Was there a Rooster Man, or do we mourn the death of a real rooster?
62 Should we have a DN moment of silence?
63
64 Gottago. Have a GREAT weekend.
65 See you again.
66 Peace.
~H~
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