The Daily News

The DN

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
---Jay Leno

1 "How come you gave me an F???"

2 " 'Cuz I couldn't give you a G."

3

4 Okay so I never said that to anyone, so far as I remember.

5 I thunk it about six gazillion times.

6 The things we'd like to say sometimes.

7 Ah well.

8 It's a darned good thing we don't.

9 Anybody lookin'?

10 Moving On, Part One: Jay Leno bowed out last night. The evening actually had some hilarious moments. Here are a couple of nuggets Jay offered his audience in last night's show:

"Homeland Security today warned airlines flying to
Russia be on the lookout for passengers' toothpaste
tubes. They say the toothpaste may contain bombs.
Exploding toothpaste, can you image? The only 
airline not worried about this is British Airways."

"You know, over the years, people always want to know
whether Letterman and I actually didn't like each
other. It's not true. We like each other. We've had
a long relationship. We both realized nobody wants to
turn on late night TV and see millionaires fighting.
That's what Republican primaries are for."


 "Actually, the state of the Internet
is so bad in Sochi, that as soon as you log onto your
computer or your phone, it's immediately hacked and
your information is stolen. See, I didn't know they
had Target stores over there."

11 Not bad.The trouble with bowing out a second time is that people don't care.

12 I'm not on the anti-Jay bandwagon, don't get me wrong.

13 The guy survived a brutal business and had me laughing many late nights over the years.

14 Will I miss him?

15 Not really. I don't stay up late enough anymore.

16 When I did he made me chuckle, and often.

17 Leno has been criticized for this and that.

18 I can't think of anything too bad, but then I have lost control of most of my mind.

19 I do remember being up late writing this thing and chuckling along with some of his stuff.

20 Here are a few quotes from some shows:

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons.They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have give us some candidates.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

21 We can thank brainyquotes.com for providing those. Here is the link, but I think I exhausted the very best:

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/jay_leno.html

22 It's the second time since 2009 we've said good-bye, but this is probably the real deal.

24 Who knows?

25 The multi-talented Jimmy Fallon will be taking over The Tonight Show beginning on February 17. It will be live from the Rockefeller Center.

26 Thanks Jay. It's been quite a ride. You work hard. You deserve respect. In fact, no less a dignitary than Barry Obama had this parting message. I credit Tony Hicks with providing this chestnut from the President:

"Jay, you've made a whole lot of jokes about me over the years, but don't worry; I'm not upset," Obama said. Then he added he was making Leno the U.S. ambassador to Antarctica. "Hope you have a warm coat, man."

27 Moving On, Part Two: Not much else to report, or at least that I wish to report.

28 Long week.

29 I think.

30 I'm gonna go short once more.

31 I'm pretty busy watching Austin Powers "Danger" Powers.

32 Been a while.

33 It's either that or 50 First Dates.

34 I won't remember I watched either one a half hour from now.

35 "What's your point Vanessa?"

36 That nailed it.

37 I have utterly no taste.

38 Gottago.