The DN

Say cheese.

1  Happy Monday.

2   Last time I said that I went on some Shakespearean rant. I ran in circles and broke out root beer, party hats and whistles.

3   Not this time around.

4   Not this guy.

5   The weekend is a blur.

6    I know it happened, and that I even gained an hour of sleep somewhere in there.

7  Total blur.

8   I got to enjoy my daughters. That's the main thing.

9   I also worked the Homecoming Dance, which was THE social event of the season. 

10  I didn't do anything, just was there in the morning and through the entire thing.

11  I can honestly say it was the best dance I've ever been to.

12  The students weren't just dancing, they were blasting off.

13   It was like they took all of their stresses and screamed and stomped them away.

14  There was a haunted house that completely rocked. The deejay had lights going all through every area you could imagine, all Halloween colors. 

15  I graded a bazillion things. 

16  I sat at the school all day and all night Saturday as this marvelous group of Leadership kids worked until they couldn't see. 

17  It absolutely rocked. 

18  It became foot-stomping, jumping-in-the air madness.

19   I remained stoic, for the most part. I was a safety guy, but really, it was fun watching all that released energy.

20  Of course I wanted to jump around too, but we role-model sorts don't do that. 

21  Fun day, fun night. 

22   Moving on, Part One: AHHHHHHHHHHH!

23   Anybody lookin'?

24   I finished everything late last night, THEN wrote this nonsense.

25   I had written over sixty items about all sorts of idiotic things.

26   Got to sleep late, but happy that I had done nearly everything a human being could do during a blur.

27   <basketball buzzer>

28   I got up this morning, got showered and dressed, poured myself a latte, and sat down to edit today's Daily News.

29   It stopped at number 22. 

30   B-BAYUM!!! I looked under chairs and tables, into empty boxes, between spider cracks, but to no avail. Gone. 

31   Doesn't matter. The most brilliant piece ever written has somehow drifted past the Cloud and into infinity.

32   The most brilliant piece ever.

33   That's no exaggeration.

34    See that?

35   I spelled "exaggeration" in one try.

36   dafkfjdkfjf;djfdfdajfflkdajf;d

37   I know that the piece began with my randomly hitting keyboard letters like the daffy item above.

38   I vaguely remember talking about how my daughters visited me this weekend, that Caitlin got two ridiculously cute kittens, and that they all arrived at the exact moment of Rooster Man's noonday crow.

39  For the uninitiated you're going to find that you could get 'nitiated pretty fast on this roller coaster.

40   Where was I?

41    Oh yeah. Rooster Man's noonday crow. Turns out that BOTH my daughters thought that there was no Rooster Man, that it was actually the crowing of a real rooster.

42   They were agreed. I wasn't so certain, since I have been annoyed by this guy every single morning for the past four months.

43   I pictured some guy going through mental stress and doing primal screams that mimicked the primal screams of an uptight rooster.

44  

45   I even KNEW what he looked like: Rooster Man is a long, gaunt, jaundiced, sallow fellow with straw hair and light yellowish corduroys. 

46   I envisioned his ritual: lying on his face, legs curled into a pretzel, he would have his wife kneel over his legs. She would resemble a capital B, and would press on his legs, cracking his back, and his response would be a screeching, "ER-er-ER-er-ERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

47   This would begin at around 6:18 in the morning, go for around forty-five minutes and then cease. It would happen again at midday, and once more at around four in the afternoon.

48   Every day. 

49   It drove and still drives me nuts. I just get annoyed that ANYONE is making massive noises so early in the day.

50   At around 11:18 in the morning he's at it again. This one affects Saturdays only, but it does rattle my nerves.

51   The one around four is usually around four. It bothers me the least because, I don't know because. Just because.

52   Anyway, evidently he's now a real rooster, which sort of ruins the annoyance. I have to find something or somebody else on whom I could take out all of my anger and angst. 

53   Ah, vell.

54   Anybody lookin'?

55   I guess I somehow retrieved whatever got lost in the blur and somehow escaped the Cloud. 

56   That being the trendy internet Cloud, not to be confused with my new off-white chair. 

57   Gottago. 

58   I'm glad I somehow got most of this back. It'll never be the most brilliant piece ever written, but you certainly do get the gist of its brilliance in this.

59  Know what? He just started crowing. Just now.

60  It is human, I swear. 

61  Have a GREAT day.

62   See you again.

63   Peace.

~H~

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