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1 Today's DN goes out to retired teachers out there who might spend afternoons sometimes sighing about the wonderful days in the classroom, and of all the awesome students we have all enjoyed.
2 You know how every once in a while you miss it all?
3 Let me remind you of a few things.
4 First: remember when grades were due? Remember wanting to be the "cool" teacher? Remember having a heart of gold? Remember all those rookie mistakes you STILL made as a veteran of the ranks? Let me think of a few mistakes that rookies (and even kindly old souls!) make.
For your viewing pleasure I have compiled a list of advice that I wish someone had written for me long ago. These are my thoughts on a late, stressful night of getting grades together for the four-billionth time. My head feels like a bowling ball on my scrawny neck, and I am a wreck about going in this morning, just for the record. And yet...I come away smiling at this little list of advice for teachers, both young and old. So I'll stop being the old geezer here and let this vibrant advice talk to you on a lovely Tuesday morning. Here go:
5 Advice to Teachers:The Top Ten Things Never to Say to Students:
- It's okay to turn your work in late if you have a note from your parents. I realize that once in a while printers break down, or the internet goes down, so a simple note takes care of that. I just don't want a million people doing that.
- If your printer goes down, feel free to email me and I will print it for you. I just don't want a million people doing that.
- I know that you have older brothers and sisters who have some of these assignments from when they had me. I remember most of those papers and you WILL get an F if I even suspect you did that.
- I understand that sometimes things go wrong at home, that real-life issues can prevent you from getting a major project in on time. Again, just get me a note and we can take care of that. I just don't want a million people doing that.
- I'm showing a film today because it is clearly a part of the unit on which we are focusing. It is not the time to pull out your cell phones and to go on Facebook, or Twitter, or Tumblr, or whatever. Our focus is on the film.
- I understand that sometimes you aren't able to get food in the morning, so it's okay if you occasionally sneak that little sandwich, or sneak a few chips. Just don't come in with a four-pack of Starbuck's, or a six-pack of cake pops.
- You can sit with friends if you guys promise to be quiet and respectful.
- Look, we live in a real world, so it is okay occasionally to slip with a cuss word. I just don't want a million people doing that.
- You can adjust your makeup if you are quick and discreet about it. I just don't want this place to look like a beauty shop.
- You are to use the rest rooms between class or at brunch or lunch. I do understand that once in a while you might need to go. I just don't want a million people doing that.
6 Anybody lookin'?
7 And yes, I do make those mistakes, to this day. Just once in a while, of course, but I do make them. You want a little more of a stroll down Memory Lane? How about these:
8 Do some of you who miss teaching remember neck aches from grading papers?
9 Carrying six bags filled with papers and trying not to fall over?
10 Going to supervise a football game and getting stuck at the ticket gate the entire night?
11 Working six straight nights 'til midnight, creating awesome project days, losing hours of sleep in order to assure engagement is the focus, and at the height of exhaustion getting a warning note that you forgot to take roll in two classes last week?
12 Meh.
13 I could go on but it is almost midnight as I write. I thought I'd reach out to some retired teachers with one message: enjoy your retirement.
14 Hope you enjoyed this. There was a lot more, but know what?
15 I gottago.
16 I'm cutting this a bit short because I can.
17 I loves you for listening.
18 Have a great Tuesday.
19 Fly low, and avoid trouble at all costs.
20 It's the only way you will survive and thrive.
21 See you again.
22 Peace.
14 Hope you enjoyed this. There was a lot more, but know what?
15 I gottago.
16 I'm cutting this a bit short because I can.
17 I loves you for listening.
18 Have a great Tuesday.
19 Fly low, and avoid trouble at all costs.
20 It's the only way you will survive and thrive.
21 See you again.
22 Peace.
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