The Once-in-a-While
Daily News
1 Last week I began cleaning my yard up from all of the storms. Went over to Home Depot, and fourteen billion other people were doing the same thing.
2 I also got motivated by a few Home and Garden shows they have up in these parts.
3 Fortunately I have a bunch of garden stuff I brought up from San Jose. I live in Sacramento these days. They have different flowers up here.
4 Unfortunately I didn't think to winterize all my stuff. I don't have a shed, but I do have these large patio furniture covers.
5 I decided clutter ruins a back yard. I had seventeen-thousand faded market umbrellas lying about, for example.
6 Last Friday I got up early and at 9 a.m. decided to do a yard demo. My feeling at the time was to de-clutter, and to throw seventy per cent of my yard away.
7 This included rusty yard tables, chairs, flower stands, candle holders: you get the drift.
8 I was meticulous about loading everything neatly onto the TOOOOOOONDRA (remember the TOOOOOOONDRA?), and keeping the load low. The recycle place I go to in Sac charges by height and I think by weight. Regardless, I spent the entire morning loading and wedging everything in. I criss-crossed strong bungee cords over the entire thing.
9 After a few hours of getting all the stuff out of the yard and onto the truck, I was ready to roll.
10 I've often kidded that I would rather go to the dumps than I would to Disneyland. Here's why:
When I go to the dumps, I come home to neatness and organization. When I come home from Disneyland, I come home with a Mickey Mouse hat.
11 That's why.
12 I changed clothes a couple of times that morning. My lawn got destroyed by the storms, so in addition to getting to go to the dumps, I also got to get sloppy. Any time I do yard work, I wear a huge cowboy straw so I don't get poked by citrus thorns. I love cowboy hats, even though I'm a dude. A dude as in "city boy" or "not a cowboy."
13 When I finally hopped into the cab, I was clean and spiffy. Felt wonderful. I find cowboy straws spiffier than Mickey Mouse hats.
14 I got my hat just so, looked in the mirror, gave me a wink, and turned the key like a boss.
15 The engine clicked. I turned it again and everything shut down.
16 I sat, staring down. I felt like the ice cream just fell off the cone.
17 I popped the hood, pulled the cables off, got a razor, scraped everything, put the cables back, hopped back into the cab, and again turned the key.
18 Same result.
19 I know what Einstein allegedly said about madness, and decided to call AAA. I went back into the house, microwaved a hunk of old pizza, and pulled up a glass of water when the doorbell rang.
20 The easiest way to get a tow truck to your house quickly is to get yourself some lunch.
21 They were two guys my age, one named Murph and the other one with an Irish name (I actually work off notes when I write this stuff, but for the life of me. Let's call that guy O'Hara.).
The hood of the TOOOOOOONDRA was still up, so Murph looked in and said, "I already know what's wrong! We just need to knock down those cables!"
22 They asked what project I was working on, and I answered, "Just wanted it to look nice on St. Patrick's Day! So I thought I'd pare down my Patty O' Furniture!"
23 They liked it.
24 "Yep," I continued. "I got the truck loaded, then it didn't start! Murphy's Law!"
25 Yup, my green truck was loaded.
26 Anyway, those guys got her done in no time, and before I knew it I was headed for the dumps. Helene came with, so it was a nice ride.
27 It's a forty-five minute drive to the dumps. I pulled out a beat-up old CD of the Mama's and Papa's, and before I knew it, I was flying down the road singing, "You gotta go, go where you wanna go, do, do what you wanna do, with, with whoever, you, you wanna do it with..."
28 Got there, guy came out, looked at the load, and said, "Thirty."
29 The dumps always kill me, because it's sort of like driving a motorboat on a dusty dry lake: other cars drive at you in the wrong lane, everyone drives every which way, and I think everyone thinks it's a hoot.
30 At Zanker in San Jose I used to drive through sea gulls just to watch 'em scatter. Yee, haw!!!
31 This dude can cowboy up every now and again.
32 Got home and began cleaning the stuff that stayed: a pretty nice table and chairs, lots of flower pots, and a couple of water features.
33 Oh, and my statue of St. Frank. He stares down at a small Capistrano fountain. All that stuff had mud and grime, nothing a bit of elbow grease can't clean.
34 The trouble with doing something on a budget is that I wound up working morning, noon and night to get it to look un-sloppy. Pretty sure a lot of other people are probably going through the same thing.
35 Every time I go into a store I look for something whimsical.
36 Sixes and sevens. I also needed to consider baby-proofing for obvious reasons.
37 I got it looking okay. I also bought a backyard wicker storage unit to keep stuff in. I even moved any poisons out to the garage and high up.
38 This morning Caitlin came over with Li'l Maren and Li'l Isla. The yard got put to an immediate test. I knew everything was reasonably safe, but I also knew to stay way close to those little weasels.
39 They've been sick for the past couple of days, and could cry by someone looking at them. Maren started crying for no apparent reason, which of course broke my heart. I lifted her up and carried her out to the yard. I showed a Mickey and Minnie mouse set that I cleaned up and put in the yard. Minnie has a butterfly on her nose, but with a wing missing. She squealed with delight.
40 I pointed out flowers, umbrellas, statues, and she loved it.
41 I brought her over to a small jug fountain, and she squirmed out of my arms and ran over, splashing her hands in the fountain. I let her play for a bit, then brought her in.
42 As though on cue, Isla started crying, and I did the same with her. Caitlin and Helene came out with Maren, and we let them splash and look up at us. They didn't care that the yard wasn't complete, or that it wasn't nearly what I wanted.
43 They have little pumpkin smiles.
44 Those pumpkin smiles were designed to show me that I am Michaelangelo in their eyes.
45 Oh, I imagine.
46 Moving On, Part One: I don't recall if I mentioned it here, but when Zootopia got all those amazing awards (Academy Award, Golden Globe Award, Critic's Choice, etc.) I had no idea.
47 I do know that it is the Beebeez favorite movie, and they dance every time they hear Try Everything.
48 After splashing around in Michaelangelo's fountain, they came inside and lay across the rug watching Zootopia.
49 I think it's a masterpiece. I also know that some day that song will bring tears to this Old Brown Shoe.
50 "Whatchu gonna do, crah?"
---Gideon Grey, Zootopia
51 Well...yeah.
52 Gottago.
53 See you again.
54 Have a GREAT day.
55 Live life.
56 Love life.
57 Peace.
6 Last Friday I got up early and at 9 a.m. decided to do a yard demo. My feeling at the time was to de-clutter, and to throw seventy per cent of my yard away.
7 This included rusty yard tables, chairs, flower stands, candle holders: you get the drift.
8 I was meticulous about loading everything neatly onto the TOOOOOOONDRA (remember the TOOOOOOONDRA?), and keeping the load low. The recycle place I go to in Sac charges by height and I think by weight. Regardless, I spent the entire morning loading and wedging everything in. I criss-crossed strong bungee cords over the entire thing.
9 After a few hours of getting all the stuff out of the yard and onto the truck, I was ready to roll.
10 I've often kidded that I would rather go to the dumps than I would to Disneyland. Here's why:
When I go to the dumps, I come home to neatness and organization. When I come home from Disneyland, I come home with a Mickey Mouse hat.
11 That's why.
12 I changed clothes a couple of times that morning. My lawn got destroyed by the storms, so in addition to getting to go to the dumps, I also got to get sloppy. Any time I do yard work, I wear a huge cowboy straw so I don't get poked by citrus thorns. I love cowboy hats, even though I'm a dude. A dude as in "city boy" or "not a cowboy."
13 When I finally hopped into the cab, I was clean and spiffy. Felt wonderful. I find cowboy straws spiffier than Mickey Mouse hats.
14 I got my hat just so, looked in the mirror, gave me a wink, and turned the key like a boss.
15 The engine clicked. I turned it again and everything shut down.
16 I sat, staring down. I felt like the ice cream just fell off the cone.
17 I popped the hood, pulled the cables off, got a razor, scraped everything, put the cables back, hopped back into the cab, and again turned the key.
18 Same result.
19 I know what Einstein allegedly said about madness, and decided to call AAA. I went back into the house, microwaved a hunk of old pizza, and pulled up a glass of water when the doorbell rang.
20 The easiest way to get a tow truck to your house quickly is to get yourself some lunch.
21 They were two guys my age, one named Murph and the other one with an Irish name (I actually work off notes when I write this stuff, but for the life of me. Let's call that guy O'Hara.).
The hood of the TOOOOOOONDRA was still up, so Murph looked in and said, "I already know what's wrong! We just need to knock down those cables!"
22 They asked what project I was working on, and I answered, "Just wanted it to look nice on St. Patrick's Day! So I thought I'd pare down my Patty O' Furniture!"
24 "Yep," I continued. "I got the truck loaded, then it didn't start! Murphy's Law!"
25 Yup, my green truck was loaded.
26 Anyway, those guys got her done in no time, and before I knew it I was headed for the dumps. Helene came with, so it was a nice ride.
27 It's a forty-five minute drive to the dumps. I pulled out a beat-up old CD of the Mama's and Papa's, and before I knew it, I was flying down the road singing, "You gotta go, go where you wanna go, do, do what you wanna do, with, with whoever, you, you wanna do it with..."
28 Got there, guy came out, looked at the load, and said, "Thirty."
29 The dumps always kill me, because it's sort of like driving a motorboat on a dusty dry lake: other cars drive at you in the wrong lane, everyone drives every which way, and I think everyone thinks it's a hoot.
30 At Zanker in San Jose I used to drive through sea gulls just to watch 'em scatter. Yee, haw!!!
32 Got home and began cleaning the stuff that stayed: a pretty nice table and chairs, lots of flower pots, and a couple of water features.
33 Oh, and my statue of St. Frank. He stares down at a small Capistrano fountain. All that stuff had mud and grime, nothing a bit of elbow grease can't clean.
34 The trouble with doing something on a budget is that I wound up working morning, noon and night to get it to look un-sloppy. Pretty sure a lot of other people are probably going through the same thing.
35 Every time I go into a store I look for something whimsical.
36 Sixes and sevens. I also needed to consider baby-proofing for obvious reasons.
37 I got it looking okay. I also bought a backyard wicker storage unit to keep stuff in. I even moved any poisons out to the garage and high up.
38 This morning Caitlin came over with Li'l Maren and Li'l Isla. The yard got put to an immediate test. I knew everything was reasonably safe, but I also knew to stay way close to those little weasels.
39 They've been sick for the past couple of days, and could cry by someone looking at them. Maren started crying for no apparent reason, which of course broke my heart. I lifted her up and carried her out to the yard. I showed a Mickey and Minnie mouse set that I cleaned up and put in the yard. Minnie has a butterfly on her nose, but with a wing missing. She squealed with delight.
40 I pointed out flowers, umbrellas, statues, and she loved it.
41 I brought her over to a small jug fountain, and she squirmed out of my arms and ran over, splashing her hands in the fountain. I let her play for a bit, then brought her in.
42 As though on cue, Isla started crying, and I did the same with her. Caitlin and Helene came out with Maren, and we let them splash and look up at us. They didn't care that the yard wasn't complete, or that it wasn't nearly what I wanted.
43 They have little pumpkin smiles.
44 Those pumpkin smiles were designed to show me that I am Michaelangelo in their eyes.
45 Oh, I imagine.
46 Moving On, Part One: I don't recall if I mentioned it here, but when Zootopia got all those amazing awards (Academy Award, Golden Globe Award, Critic's Choice, etc.) I had no idea.
47 I do know that it is the Beebeez favorite movie, and they dance every time they hear Try Everything.
48 After splashing around in Michaelangelo's fountain, they came inside and lay across the rug watching Zootopia.
49 I think it's a masterpiece. I also know that some day that song will bring tears to this Old Brown Shoe.
50 "Whatchu gonna do, crah?"
---Gideon Grey, Zootopia
51 Well...yeah.
52 Gottago.
53 See you again.
54 Have a GREAT day.
55 Live life.
56 Love life.
57 Peace.
~H~
fin.
No comments:
Post a Comment