The Once-in-a-While

Daily News

1  First: Ever try to read an 849-page book?

2  Last week I decided I should probably attempt to read an entire book that I didn't a) HAVE to read in order to receive college credit, or b) HAVE to read because I became a teacher of English lit.

3  

4  My REAL history of reading consists of this: I read anything anywhere near me. Every day. Every single day. You name it. Toothpaste tubes. Cereal boxes. Souvenir cups. Street graffiti. Did you know there is a guy running loose in our neighborhood who insists that "Longboy rules"? I know all of this because I read everything, including toothpaste ingredients. Still, every now and again I want to sink into a good book. It's rare, but yeah, every now and again I do. 

5  While dancing back and forth through storms, Trump, and Dr. Oz last week, I found myself running back inside my house, drying off, and then happening upon Stephen King's 11/22/63, cloaked in mid-dust and sitting on a bookshelf in our guest room. All 849 pages of it. 

6  I had a stressful week, a recurring theme of late.

7  What struck me at once was this: how does any author on the planet even think that a book that weighs twelve-pounds, thirteen-ounces should be read by anyone?

8  I took the challenge.

9  I  found what I affectionately called a  small "tumble of time." We have those.

10  I had one of those nice afternoon moments that happens every now and again.

11  Let's call it Saturday, even if it wasn't. Here were my thoughts back then. Float with them, won't you?

12  The one nice thing about writing anything in 2017 is that the new rules dictate that accuracy be damned. Faux news. Here is the Dictionary.com definition of faux. Keep in mind that EVERY word these days gets laundered by Dictionary.com. It's just the way it is. Not my fault. Here:

faux

[foh]

adjective
1.       artificial or imitation; fake:
          a brooch with faux pearls.

<my note> It is not to be pronounced like a Vietnamese soup. That is pronounced "fuh" as in "funny."

13  This leaves foggy memories if memory serves.

14  So.

15  Me. A thousand pound book. A thousand-twelve pounds, thirteen ounces, if memory serves. 

16  I love the subjunctive "if" word.

17  If. I'll return to this thought-train later. Maybe. No promises, no disappointments. And now a few words about baseball, our national pastime. 

18  Moving On, Part One: Last night while munching on a Dove chocolate bar, I witnessed A League of Their Own appearing on my teevee screen. Those things happen when you live in a dream world. 

19  Some things remain sacred.

20  Baseball, for instance.

21  A League of Their Own has a character named Shirley.

22

23  My Mom's name was Shirley.

24  

25  Don't get me goin'. 

26  That movie always gets me, despite its arguably corny ending. 

27  If you love the game, you get it.

28  If you've ever lost someone close, you get it. 

29  If you loved 1987, you get it.

30  That movie is in the process of ending as I cap these words.

31  At one time, I declared A League of Their Own the greatest baseball movie in history.

32  I wasn't far from the truth.

33  If you get baseball, you would get all of this nonsense.

34  I told myself last night, "Don't go there." 

35  Being myself, I had to.

36  There.

37  Bart Giamatti's words tear through this.

38  Stolen from A Great and Glorious Game: Baseball Writings of A. Bartlett Giamatti, et al:

"The Green Fields of the Mind"

It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face fall alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops. Today, October 2, a Sunday of rain and broken branches and leaf-clogged drains and slick streets, it stopped, and summer was gone.

39  Moving On, Part Two: Tough act to follow.

40  Ah, vell.

41  I began this nonsense talking about the gravity of Stephen King's 11/22/63.

42  So well written I offer no words.

44  Accuracy?

45  Powder keg.

46  Well, I can't hide this:

47  Stephen King let me down. 

48  

49   I know you must be equally enraged.

50  Dude.

51  Or Dudette.

52  I haven't finished reading the book.

53  As a reader, I see where it is headed, and I cringe.

54  I cringe...for a number of reasons. 

55  It is cringy, for one. Oswald acted alone. Oliver Stone got it all wrong. One lone-nut. End of session. 

56  Hope you get that. Wilkommen.

57  Meanwhile...

58  Gottago.

59  See you again.

60  Live life.

61  Love life.

62  Peace.

~H~

fin.