The DN

1  Whoa.

2   Fell asleep.

3   M' bad.

4   Ah, it's all good.

5   Just don't fall asleep during a Giants/Bums' game.

6    You'll be instantly censured by not only Major League Baseball, but by society at large.

7   Ohhhhh doctah!

8   Anybody lookin'?

9   Only about twelve gazillion peoples.

10  It's all good.

11  Dang.

12  Didn't some country or other nuke us last night?

13   I dunno. It's just the Man trying to scare us again. The Man does that every single day. <awakening fifteen minutes later, opening one eye and seeing nothing about nukings>

14   Thought not.

15   <yawning> Not used to long games with no scoring.

16   I fell back to my habit of drifting off in games like that.

17   This is a holdover from the days when the Giants had no hitting. Now they do, but not last night.

18   Are you nuts?
                          --Sergio Romo

19   That was a commercial. It was booming off the sound bar and awakened me from my personal Bottom's dream.

20   I almost got up and got a couple tooth picks to keep my eyes open, but decided against it. <snoooooooze...> 

21   Moving On, Part One:  Am I not the worst journalist in the history of journalin'?

22   I like to think so. <waking up once more>

23   I really do.

24   Hold on. 

25   Okay. 

26   I had to take care of some lint.

27    I write this from a spaceship, far and wide. I claim political imprisonment by space aliens.

28   Out of Limits.

29   Who knew? It was a part of this long dream involving my captivity on a hovership. That's pretty trendy right now, if you follow conspiracy theories. That one is a doozy, btw. 

30   It's all good. The 49ers and Raiders both drafted guys with single syllables containing the letter "a". This is breaking news. Or was. 

31   We do have deadlines, you know.

32   So noble of you.

33   Why during a Giants/Bums game?

34   Maybe because it went on for an eternity?

35   I just dunno.

36   I really don't. <snoozes and snores>

37   

38   Dih Dih Dih Dahhhhhh!

39    Anybody lookin'?

40   Posey out by a mile and six tenths.

41   Typical Giants/Bums.

42    Replay: And...he's out.

43    Sorry Giants' fans.

44   Dog's awake.

45   What else's new?

46   I hate sports. I'm not EVEN gonna lie.

47   Dog's lookin' at me.

47   She so cute.

48   She knows I'm up.

49   <insert "therefore" math symbol>

50   She wants a snack.

51   <turning into human sucker>

52   <trying reasonableness>

53   Aw sweetie, Voglesong be throwin' a masterpiece AGAINST the bums.

54   JAY-zuss.

55   Tell me how it ends. <drifts off for the remainder of the night, sugar plums and Cinnabons dancing through his mind...> <awakening hours and hours later, completely demolishing chronic insomnia...> Uh...who won?

56   Even the dawg don't know. Even the Merc News didn't know as of this morning. 

57   Gottago. Have a GREAT weekend. 

58   See you agin'.

59   Peace.

~H~

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