Thursday, October 26, 2017

Mr. Bond.


Oddjob.

The Once-in-a-While
Daily News

1 Otherworldly. 

2  Time to travel. It is Saturday night as I write the first part of this masterpiece. The Houston Astros just won the pennant. The New York Yankees just walked off with heads bowed to a team that features a kid named Altuve. 

3  Remember, this started on Saturday night. I began it much earlier than normal, because of time travel.

4  By the time I launch this, I should be on a flight to Oahu. 

5  





6  Me. Complete with Former Teacher Sore-Butt Syndrome (or the more popular FTSBS), which affects all former teachers, pretty sure. 

7  It also affects ANYBODY who sits for long periods of time on the job. You don't begin to notice it until you're around 40, although I do have reports coming in from 27-year old millennials. 

8  Maybe the entire world is aging faster than in previous epochs. 

9  Hmmm. 

10  Me. Flying to Hawaii. 

11  I have a confession. 

12  I'm not a huge traveler. 

13  I know I've confessed that before, but I want everybody to think I'm James Bond. Spirit. Adventure. Mystique. Odd jobs.

14  







15  I think it's more along these lines:

16  



17  Like that third picture directly above this sentence? I consider it pure Zen. Look at that sand. And those smooth rocks. Zen. Pure Zen.

18  Zen, baby. 

19  I'm all about Zen. 

20  Zense you ask.

21  I've asked this on a number of occasions, but is there a backdoor outta this place?

22  







23  'Cuz sometimes I beg your leave. 

24  I beg your pardon what?




LISTEN:





25 I'M LEAVING FOR OAHU THIS MORNING. I'LL PROBABLY BE LAUNCHING THIS NONSENSE FROM THERE. YOU CAN PROBABLY BET ON IT.

26  And I'm not a huge traveller. Did I mention that? Are you impressed that I used the chiefly British spelling of "traveler?"
They double the final "l" for some reason. But according to Dictionary.com, that particular spelling is "chiefly British."

27  I don't like traveling. I don't even like travelling. I like getting places, but I don't like travelling, which is chiefly British. 

28  Moving On, Part One: As I was busily assembling this, time moved me to Sunday morning. I had just finished breakfast when I decided to open this up and see how the time travelling was coming along. 

29  I decided to add a picture of Oddjob from the Bond film Goldfinger. It's up at the top of the page if wanna scroll. just return to number 29 and you're good.

Sidebar: Oddjob was a politely villainous sort who wore a hat that could cut a guy's head off his neck. Oddjob was perfectly played by actor Harold Sakata. I chose that particular picture because, in it, Sakata has a purse strap that looks amazingly like my purse strap.

30  Yes. I carry a purse. I'm comfortable with it. You wanna throw down?

31  I LOVE the term "throw down" to mean "fight." It's been around forever. But I digress. 

32  I always digress, especially when I am writing whilst time travelling. 

33  "Whilst." I once referred to that word as "douche." I looked it up. Wanna know how Dictionary.com interpreted it?

34  "Chiefly British." Honest to Gawd. It is considered a conjunction.

35  "Douche," by the way, is never clearly defined in Dictionary.com. It just says this:

noun 

 5.  Slang: Vulgar. douche bag (def. 2).

36  In other words, Dictionary.com assumes everybody walking around knows exactly what a guy who acts like a douche bag is. 

37  

38  For the record, I always thought his name was presented in print as Odd Job. Evidently, I was wrong. It is correctly Oddjob. That sounds so fast. It be like, "Oddjob! Get over here!" Just sounds rushed to me.  

39  Otherworldly. 

40  Moving On, Part Two: It is now almost noon on Tuesday.

41  I spent the good part of the morning looking over seven or so pictures I wanted to use to surprise my sister Linda on her birthday, which is TODAY! (Whoops! Not Tuesday; I was already projecting Wednesday. Occupational hazard.) 

42  I also tried to get a bunch of pictures out of my phone and onto my laptop, because last night/early this morning somebody decided to upgrade my iPhone. 

43  Otherworldly, right? So I wanted to be sure that a bunch of pictures I recently took would slide seamlessly to my laptop, WHICH, rumor has it, cannot be brought onto a flight. Huh?

44  Look. I've ALWAYS had difficulty sliding pics from my phone to my laptop. It always seems to get cock-blocked for some idiotic reason. 

45


46  It's just an expression. Yeesh. Chill. Here. Have a cartoon:


Cock-block. The term doesn't even
make an appearance in Dictionary.com.
It just means "to put an abrupt end to something; 
to prevent instantly something from happening." 
That's my definition, since 
dictionaries fear this word. 


47  I refuse to go to Urban Dictionary, because it is now awash with made-up definitions. 

48 The following suggestions came up when I hit Merriam-Webster for the definition of the term "cock-block."

chockablock  

cuckoo clock  

cock-a-leekie


49  Cock-a-leekie, by the way, is simply a soup made of chicken and leeks. So cock-block isn't in Merriam either, but for whatever reason, cock-a-leekie is.  

50  And although I am a member of the Oxford English Dictionary society/group/thingy, I have forgotten both my User Name and Password. 

51  So I'm thinking of writing my own dictionary, bitches.

52  Moving On, Part the Thoid: It's Wednesday. I'm on my way to Oahu.

53  Moving On, Part the Fourth: It's Thursday. The Once-in-a-While Daily News, which USUALLY goes out each Wednesday, had a holdover in Oahu. We wished my sister Linda a goodly birthday, flew here, flitted around, watched a sunset, and ate at Atlantis. So yeah, it's Thursday by a nose. 

54  So. Gottago. First time ever visiting the Islands. Loving it, and hey, it's only 9:30 Wednesday night here, so technically I didn't miss a deadline. And there's a Cheshire Moon over Waikiki. Look out your window. Same moon. Smilin'. 

55  See you again.

56  Have a GREAT day later today. I'm still enjoying yesterday. 

57  Aloha.

58  Peace.














fin.







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