Today's DN is shear poetry. 

The Once-in-a-While

Daily News

1  I don't even know how to start.

2  How about at the very beginning?

3  Well, I woke up and realized I'm still walking around. That's a start.

4  I was trolling the web the other day and reading all sorts of horrific things. 

5  Did you know that if you don't plug your iPhone in properly that it could melt a power strip? I don't remember who posted this picture, but if you are out there and reading this stuff, take the credit. It left an impression to be sure.

Who posted this on FB? I'll give

you a dollar if you step forth. Gave

me nightmares!

6  I noticed that a lot of those sorts of scare tactics eventually get you to purchase more Apple products. Hmmm...

7  When did everything get so distorted?

8  Yeesh.

9  That is always a nice way to get instant karma, by the way.

10  You just say "Yeesh." 

11  When people pose you in a picture and you have that awkward moment of stillness, delay about two seconds, say "Yeesh" and hold it.

12  You won't necessarily look good, but you will avoid looking bad.

13  I've made a career out of doing that any time I try to groom myself.

If I were a cat, this would be me.

14  If I am going to a wedding or a funeral, I try to stay as neutral as I can. Grey pants, off-white shirt, Goodwill suit coat, and dress hat.

15  I don't even know what constitutes a dress hat. All I could find on my haberdashery search was this old poster:

17  I don't even know what this particular style is called:

Uh...Anyone know what this style hat 

is called? Anyone?

16  These days I might be going to a wedding AND a funeral on the same day.

17  Don't get old, yo.

18  Don't go around saying, "Yo," yo.

19

19  It's all coming back to me.

20  I'm looking around myself and my pants have yet to fall down. 

21  Must be doing something right. 

22  This DN is like Mr. Chau. It's all over the place. 

23

24  That was...um...an old slogan for...

25  Ah, NVM.

26  That means "nevermind" or "never mind" depending on your personal preference.

27  Gawd I love murdering the language.

28  Correctness is overrated. Just learn to be correct. It's that simple. Grammar Nazi's will call you out, but even though they're right, they're annoying. 

29  And sometimes they are incorrect. You never heard that here though.

30  Straight up, people.

31  Life is too short for us to be putting up with boushit. 

32  I heard that some famous guy said that.

33  Might have been some famous doll. 

34  Or maybe just a guy who was doing it for some doll. 

35  

Well placed, well deserved.

36  I consider myself a bit of an escape artist. 

37  

Peter Lorre. No reason. Just love the

expression. Does that make me just

a youthful, yet fun Expressionist?

Or is there more

to this than

meets the

eye?

38  The picture above is my Expressionistic impression of pyramid poetry.

39  You're really getting the dregs this morn, aren't you? Admit it though, you counted the number of words in each line in the pyramid poem above, right under the picture of Peter Lorre. 

40  This is what coffee will do to you.

41

Throw in some finger snaps. Yeah, that

be cool. That be REAL cool. 

42  Sheer poetry. See picture at top of page. Then scroll back down to number 43. It's the only way to survive this trip. 

43  Everybody's a poet these days.

44  You just need black clothes, a paintbrush, and one of thems felt hats like above.

45  Only then will you be running with ze bools. 

46  Is there a back door outta here?

47  Oh, oh what I want to know ho-ho is 

48  

49   

50  Jerry Christmas.

51  

Are you kind?

52  

Li'l Maren is kind. And sweet. 

53  I somehow managed to decorate my lights with those lasers going up, down, around and through my trees. Some are travelling (Chiefly British spelling) upside down, and some are shooting sideways at a cold, blistering speed.

54  The neighbors are befuddled.

56  My entire Christmas display is right outta MK Ultra. 

57  Take no prisoners. Be poetic. Be stupid. Say whatever you want. You take this trip wherever it gets you. 

58  The older I get, the less I care what people think. We're not here long enough to worry.

59  So don't.

60  I gottago.

61  See you again. 

62  And as always...

63  Live life.

64  Love life.

65  Have a GREAT day.

66  Peace.

~H~

fin.