The Once-in-a-While
Daily News
1 Happy The Fifth of July!!! Hope your head is not too explosive from last night's festivities.
2 Fred looks like he caught it on on the crown with a cherry bomb...or two.
3 Ever wonder why we would stay up well past 10:30 p.m. following a night of eating, drinking, and sitting near loud explosions, and then even hoping to have anything near to normal happening the following day?
4 So says a guy who didn't even have a Mocktail. Not a one. The water wagon makes the Fifth a grand old flag waving in the wind to this Old Brown Shoe.
5 I always love the morons who have NO idea when to call it a night. They conk out around 9:30 or something after all the fireworks are over, then awaken at around 1:45 a.m. and decide that THIS would be a great time to blow up an M-80.
6 Off the guest list AND off with their heads!!!
7 Prison with alligators. Iron maiden. Chinese handcuffs.
8 AnywayZ, the Fourth is usually the deadline for me to have my backyard together. It sort of is and sort of isn't. I had some moron come out and do a little work. While it looks like he did a lot, he really promised a work beginning on March 8 to take two weeks.
9 He's STILL fixing things, when he decides to show up.
10 I figure he might have things ready by the next Chinese New Year.
11 Bah, humbug.
12 Moving On, Part One: Think it'll rain? Think the sun will come through? Do you even think this fine day? Got the woozies?
13 'Murica.
14
15
A few boobs throwing down some
Mississippi Mud.
Another 'Murican boob begging the patience of
grammar Nazis.
Two 'Murican boobs drawing customers to the show.
16 A fine assortment. The first crew is having growlers of Mississippi Mud. They look pretty 'Murican to me. Just a bunch of boobs throwin' down some hootch.
17 The second gent is confused. According to Grammarly, that guy should have said, "I speak only English." "I only" implies you're the only one who speaks " 'Murican," which is to say, English. It's not rocket science, pal.
18 The OBVIOUSLY patriotic gal in the third pic I named Big Sistah. I figured I could exploit her in order to draw hits on Facebook. I understand that if you get enough views, you could retire. I would LOVE to be re-retired. That's two retires, right? Go, Big Sistah, Go!
18
19 Anybody lookin'?
20 Alice has officially come back.
21 Sort of.
22 Sort of.
23 Moving On, Part Two: Old 'Murican Joke:
Q. How many 'Muricans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
A. Four.
24 Seriously.
25 Anybody lookin'?
26 Hope I dih'int offend anybody.
27 But if I did, I defend to the death my right to say it.
28 Know why?
29 Because in 'Murica, we can darned well say whatever we wish.
30
31 Might get unfriended by everybody you ever knew, but yeah.
32 "But yeah."
33 When you can't think of how to end a sentence you began, do you ever default to "But yeah?"
34 So easy.
35 Moving On, Part the Thoid: Sometimes I love seeing how many "mistakes" Grammarly can find in all of this mish-mosh.
36 Most of the time, it's words like "thoid" that throw them.
37 "Third" "Void" and "Thyroid" were the suggested corrections in item 35, for example.
38 Nupe.
39 Yet they twice allowed me to slide the word "nupe" in, instead of "nope." Only after I slipped it into item 39 did they catch and correct the word in item 38.
40 Fun stuff.
41 I love smacking Grammarly around. Correcting people is rude. I made a career out of being rude to young writers. Alligators. Iron Maidens. George W. in Chinese cuffs. Off with
MY head.
42 Moving On, Part Four: Things have slowed down. I almost wrote "slown down" but decided to be agin' poetic license. "Agin" translates rougly to "against" in my odd language.
43 It's okay.
44 I can't drive very well either.
45 I threw the DMV pamphlet out and decided that the best thing to do is to avoid traffic morons. I try to keep at 75-80 mph just so I don't get stereotyped. And I occasionally fake a right lane change when I see a guy bearing down in my right mirror, where a small sign says "Things Are Closer Than They Appear," or words to that effect.
46
47 Hey, it's called, "survival."
48 Before I leave you this glorious day, I need to correct something, for the betterment of society.
49 There is no "Z" in the word "anyway." Nor is there an "s."
Are you shocked? Do you wish to drive off a cliff? Or worse, do you wish to find a Warriner's English Grammar and Comp book so that you will know these things?
50 Pretty drastic measures.
51 Just live and stay safe. Get through this weird-ass day and get back to normal, if there be such a thing.
52 Grab a bottle of Heinz ketchup and chug it. It'll clean out the sluices.
53
54 Disclaimer: Don't really do that. Just make it through the day, yo. It can be done.
55 I gottago.
56 See you again.
57 Have a GREAT day. Shake it off.
58 Live life.
59 Love life.
60 Peace.
27 But if I did, I defend to the death my right to say it.
28 Know why?
29 Because in 'Murica, we can darned well say whatever we wish.
30
31 Might get unfriended by everybody you ever knew, but yeah.
32 "But yeah."
33 When you can't think of how to end a sentence you began, do you ever default to "But yeah?"
34 So easy.
35 Moving On, Part the Thoid: Sometimes I love seeing how many "mistakes" Grammarly can find in all of this mish-mosh.
36 Most of the time, it's words like "thoid" that throw them.
37 "Third" "Void" and "Thyroid" were the suggested corrections in item 35, for example.
38 Nupe.
39 Yet they twice allowed me to slide the word "nupe" in, instead of "nope." Only after I slipped it into item 39 did they catch and correct the word in item 38.
40 Fun stuff.
41 I love smacking Grammarly around. Correcting people is rude. I made a career out of being rude to young writers. Alligators. Iron Maidens. George W. in Chinese cuffs. Off with
MY head.
42 Moving On, Part Four: Things have slowed down. I almost wrote "slown down" but decided to be agin' poetic license. "Agin" translates rougly to "against" in my odd language.
43 It's okay.
44 I can't drive very well either.
45 I threw the DMV pamphlet out and decided that the best thing to do is to avoid traffic morons. I try to keep at 75-80 mph just so I don't get stereotyped. And I occasionally fake a right lane change when I see a guy bearing down in my right mirror, where a small sign says "Things Are Closer Than They Appear," or words to that effect.
46
47 Hey, it's called, "survival."
48 Before I leave you this glorious day, I need to correct something, for the betterment of society.
49 There is no "Z" in the word "anyway." Nor is there an "s."
Are you shocked? Do you wish to drive off a cliff? Or worse, do you wish to find a Warriner's English Grammar and Comp book so that you will know these things?
50 Pretty drastic measures.
51 Just live and stay safe. Get through this weird-ass day and get back to normal, if there be such a thing.
52 Grab a bottle of Heinz ketchup and chug it. It'll clean out the sluices.
53
54 Disclaimer: Don't really do that. Just make it through the day, yo. It can be done.
55 I gottago.
56 See you again.
57 Have a GREAT day. Shake it off.
58 Live life.
59 Love life.
60 Peace.
~H~
fin.
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