The Once-in-a-While 

Daily News

1  I hope my heroin shipment arrives before Friday.

2  Just kidding.

3  Remember kidding?

4  <chirp,chirp>

5  

6  People used to kid around.

7  Guilt free.

8  Irregardless of what takes place Friday.

9  "Irregardless." Pretty non-standard.

10  It is in the dictionaries, but it's almost as though the dictionaries would rather it weren't.

11  Its structure alone makes it the exact opposite of the word "regardless" if you think about it.

12  <crickets>

13  Just messing with Grammarly once again. 

14  That's a whole nother topic.

15  A whole nother. 

16  Grammarly failed to catch THAT one. 

17  I caught that one once when I used it in front of a class.

18  Never really thought about it, but really, there is no such thing as a "nother." It's not even considered a noun. 

19  Helene and I talked about that the other day.

20  I taught English for centuries, and she used to edit books.

21  I think she said, "That's a whole nother story," and then caught herself.

22  

23  That's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

24  Don't patronize.

25   If I capitalize the word "Patronize" in the sentence, "Don't Patronize!" am I REALLY telling you not to imbibe in Tequila?

26  Ah, it is fun dodging Grammarly bullets! 

27  It's a little game I play when I hammer out this nonsense.

28  English nerds.

29  I swear. 

30  So far, this week's OIAWDN got ticketed five times by the grammar police at Grammarly, even though I deliberately set up more. I can then use that as an excuse when I really DO make a blatant grammar error. 

31  For the record, here are the five:

"irregardless" (twice, and I agree with Grammarly)

"weren't" in item 10. I claim it to be

subjunctive.

"It's" in item 11. (Again, I agree with Grammarly. That's not ignorance of the rule; it's moving too fast on a keyboard! Busted! I would have caught it in editing, so I corrected

it already, but I DID have "It's" originally.).

Not gonna lie.*

"nother" in item 18, but Grammarly dropped the 

ball on "nother" in items 14, 15, and 21.

It caught the two in this item, number 31.

*Actually, I lie all the fooking time, but this time, 

I'm not gonna.

32  And it jumped all over the word "fooking." I clicked on the little red billiard ball that Grammarly provides, and it said,                                    

                          "Did you mean "cooking?"

33  

34

35  Are you fooking kiddin' me here?

36  Thank goodness for stupidity. Sorry Grammarly. Just cookin' with ya. 

37  Moving On, Part Fookin' One: A lot of people don't realize that today is Revolution and Youth Day in Tunisia.

38  That makes two of us.

39  Moving On, Part Two: So.

40  Friday. 

41  Friday I cover myself in bacon grease, tie myself to my Gregorian metal coffee table, and release weasels to eat me alive. 

42  To those protesting and marching, be safe. I admire your bravery, especially if you are marching in a Pussyhat. 

43  I tried to knit one and pearl two, but my pearls got jammed. 

44

45  You may groan. 

46  Be brave, but stay safe. 

47  Obama, thanks. History will be kind. You're not a bad lad, for an Irishman.

48  

49  Huh? O' Bama? Yer not?

50  Well then. 

51  Fook me, and fook me Lucky Charms!

52  At least I could spell "leprechaun" without lookin'!

53  Gottago.

54  See you again.

55  Live life.

56  Love life.

57  Stay safe.

58  Peace.

~H~

fun.