The Daily News
1 I've a confession to make.
2 Yesterday's DN was one of the funnest (yes!) I ever wrote, mainly because I always wanted to teach that f**king lesson.
3 I put it together as a lesson plan, and couldn't believe what I was writing.
4 I worried that people might get offended. Once I published it I knew I should put some sort of warning on Facebook.
5 <basketball buzzer>
6 People took the warning seriously.
7 I got zero responses. That is unusual.
8 I threw it back out there last night between five and six.
9 I also edited so that a real lesson got taught.
10 And that's that.
11 History now.
12 So we move forward.
13 Moving On, Part One: The Niners. Just me?
14 KNBR's Tom Tolbert refused to talk about them. He kept saying, "They can't compete. That's all you need to know."
15 Interestingly, he interviewed Tomsula last night, somewhere around 5 or 6 p.m. Not sure. Life's a blur.
16 Does anybody even know Tomsula's first name?
17 Admit it.
18 You paused.
19 Gotcha.
20 I didn't bother listening. He kept saying, "We've got to take our practice to the field."
21 This was right after he fired Vernon Davis.
22 Dude.
23 You've had ten days to straighten up your embarrassing loss to the Seahawks.
24 You can't compete.
25 The first quarter went 51 minutes the other night.
26 The 49ers cannot compete in the NFL. Period.
27 Nothing changed.
28 Nothing.
29 Moving On, Part Two: When I began with the writing tips and tools in August, I mentioned that I would allow it to run its own course.
30 I spent this morning trying to trace the history of the writing lessons. I found one dating back to August 25. If, however, you find yourself relying on this stuff, my first in a series of consecutive writing lessons began officially on September 7. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
31 In the process of posting, I learned more things than I ever knew about writing.
32 The main thing I learned was that if you listen to a lot of the tips, it will take way more time to finish a piece than you might think.
33 There are times when I would finish this at around 12:30 in the afternoon and find myself starting in again at 3 or 4 o'clock. It is taxing. I do need to take back my life, so I've decided on a few changes. Here you go:
34 I will continue the DN for the rest of the year, since I have written this nonsense since 1996.
35 I'm also going to refrain from promises I might be unable to keep.
36 I'll likely sneak adverbs and poly-syllabic words back into this without knowing I'm doing it.
37 The active voice will become a pacifist. Rust never sleeps.
38 I will finish this race.
39 And then I shall spend the remainder of my years drinking tankards of craft beers.
40 In my hippy days, I avoided the craft.
41
42 Anybody lookin'?
43 <echos> lookin'...lookin'...lookin'...lookin'...lookin'...
44
45 Sorry about all of that, old bean.
46 Moving On, Part the Thoid: I just got news that the Niners are benching Kaepernick and giving the ball to that other fellow. Gabbert.
47 Well.They finally listened to the fans. And more than likely, to the accountants.
48 Ah, the proverbial day-late-and-a-dollar-short thing.
49 That happened during my endless tout of insomnia.
50 O, the humanity.
51 I'm thinking about celebrating with a hot bowl of pho.
52 After showering and throwing out a clean shave, naturally.
53 With that, I'll take all of that as my cue to exit.
54 Have a delightful day.
55 See you again.
56 Peace.
30 I spent this morning trying to trace the history of the writing lessons. I found one dating back to August 25. If, however, you find yourself relying on this stuff, my first in a series of consecutive writing lessons began officially on September 7. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
31 In the process of posting, I learned more things than I ever knew about writing.
32 The main thing I learned was that if you listen to a lot of the tips, it will take way more time to finish a piece than you might think.
33 There are times when I would finish this at around 12:30 in the afternoon and find myself starting in again at 3 or 4 o'clock. It is taxing. I do need to take back my life, so I've decided on a few changes. Here you go:
34 I will continue the DN for the rest of the year, since I have written this nonsense since 1996.
35 I'm also going to refrain from promises I might be unable to keep.
36 I'll likely sneak adverbs and poly-syllabic words back into this without knowing I'm doing it.
37 The active voice will become a pacifist. Rust never sleeps.
38 I will finish this race.
39 And then I shall spend the remainder of my years drinking tankards of craft beers.
40 In my hippy days, I avoided the craft.
41
43 <echos> lookin'...lookin'...lookin'...lookin'...lookin'...
44
45 Sorry about all of that, old bean.
46 Moving On, Part the Thoid: I just got news that the Niners are benching Kaepernick and giving the ball to that other fellow. Gabbert.
47 Well.They finally listened to the fans. And more than likely, to the accountants.
48 Ah, the proverbial day-late-and-a-dollar-short thing.
49 That happened during my endless tout of insomnia.
50 O, the humanity.
51 I'm thinking about celebrating with a hot bowl of pho.
52 After showering and throwing out a clean shave, naturally.
53 With that, I'll take all of that as my cue to exit.
54 Have a delightful day.
55 See you again.
56 Peace.
~H~
fin.
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