The DN

1  "I don't know what to say except it's Christmas and we're ALL in misery."
                                            --Ellen Griswold
2  Classic.

3   Keeping up with the bombardment of Christmas is a spiritual war.

4   Much of it travels through the Griswold's front yard.

5   What a kick in the pants.

6   Whew.

7    <Dusting snow off his jacket.> Just flew in from the past, and boy!

8   Anybody lookin'?

9   No I DID just come in from the past. 

10  For some reason I decided to look over some of my old posts on this thing, and stopped at December 12.

11  Time machine.

12   It was the one with the fireflies. It in the column to the right of this post. To locate it, scroll back up. At first you are in space, then posts will appear. Go to the post that begins, "This is the One."  and click on it when prompted later in this post. Do that, and you will travel back in time. Promise.
                                           ---------------->

13   While scrolling around I found that all the fonts on the last part of that post had turned ashen, and the pictures enormous.

14  I think it stemmed from my cutting and pasting something from Dictionary.com, which is done in Times.

15  That's a font, you fonthead. 

16   Now where was I?

17   Oh yeah. Time travel. 

18   At first I panicked. "Oh, my!" I thought. "All the fonts turned ashen, and the pictures  enormous!  I think it stemmed from Dictionary.com, which is done in Times.And this post has stood like this for three days? O, the humanity!"

19  I couldn't leave it like that, so I decided to do a repair, even though the piece had already been launched, and had traveled around the globe. Literally. 

20  Anybody lookin'?

21   I decided to remain in the past and do some repairs. 

22  It didn't go as smoothly as it should have. For example, I highlighted the fonts and pushed a button that should have restored them to white-on-black background.

23  <basketball buzzer>

24   Instead they white-highlighted the ashen words out so that it looked Freedom of Information files released by the CIA.

25  A lot of expletives deleted. Like the entire second part of the post. Only in negative, like old film from old cameras. Only black and white, like Spy v. Spy.  

26  I felt I had time travelled. I spelled "traveled" "travelled" to sound and look pretentious, like H.G. Wells, or that Barney guy from How I Met Your Mother. Pretty spiffy, ay?

27  So today's DN is unique in that it travels back in time, and then back to the future, which is today, which is 12/15/13, which is actually last night, when this portion was written. 

28  Get it?

29  I had a chance to go back into the past and repair something, and then return in my own Time Machine. 

30  You may travel there to examine the amazing repair work. 

31  Scroll up to number twelve and click on the post that begins, "This is the One." 

32   Godspeed.

33   Good good. You're back. You not only travelled back to December 12, you returned on December 16, even though you technically departed last night, even though it is this morning. 

34  Nevermind. 

35  The bottom line is you're safe, and staring down the barrel of a Monday.

36  Fear nothing. 

37  Take this day by storm. Body slam the thing. 

38  Do not go gentle.

39  I'll take a back door outta here.

40  Have a good day.

41  Fly low.

42  Gottago.

43  See you again.

44  Peace.

~H~

The DN

Get a Loada This!!!

1  I just looked over my rather strange transition from Xanga to this place, all of which happened in June.

2  Everything traveled strangely. It was around June 14; summer was in full swing, and I had suddenly heard that Xanga was imploding.

3  Just rumors mind you, but with a good enough source that I looked to them.

4  <insert REM song>

5   It was the end of the world for Xanga.

6   Even though I have online records of all of it, it remains a blur to me.

7   Within weeks I was to set off for Shasta, then Tahoe, then Vegas, then Mars.

8  Can't be reached.

9   You know the drill.

10  Fate stepped in.

11  A day or two before I was to blast off I was rushed to Emergency for a swelled left leg. 

12  Routine night. My leg looked fat. 

13

14  I KNOW, I KNOW.

15  "Uh...dude. You have like, fat legs. How can you tell if they're swollen?"

16  Whadya do?

17   You call a doctor who makes an emergency appointment for 2:30 in the afternoon, AFTER he has had his lunch.

18  The doctor never even saw my face. He took one look at my leg and went into what resembled "all-aflutter."

19  He ran to a back room. I heard whispers.

20  <whisper whisper>

21  He zoomed back and told me he had made an appointment with Emergency for me.

22   I  was to report to Emergency at 7:30 p.m. This was around three in the afternoon.

23

24   This gave me all afternoon to sit around and research the different ways I could die.

25   Sometimes I marvel at modern medicine.

26   Having spent most of the past four years hanging out in hospitals, I relaxed it a bit, read all the treacherous things that could possibly happen to me, and promptly gave up reading.

27   <basketball buzzer>

28   I knew that the upcoming vacation trifecta was instantly in jeopardy. Too good to be true? Then it probably ain't true.

29  Ain't that just life?

30  My life-altering nightmare had arrived. 

31   Anybody lookin'?

32   Moving On, Part One: The reason I visited all those strange moments last night was that I was reviewing the change last summer of the Daily News from Xanga to its present condition. 

33   I wanted to get a sense of how the current DN morphed under the radar as I simultaneously went through a major life change. 

34  As I recall, the fatal night.^[1] I rushed to the hospital, I got released at around two a.m. and was home by three. 

35  My diagnosis wasn't pleasant. 

36   I had to cancel both Shasta and Vegas, but managed somehow to get to Tahoe.

37   Somewhere on my return back I started transferring the Daily News to the current DN.

38  Somewhere in there my new chair not only appeared in my living room, it became instantly The Cloud. 

39  I reviewed all this ancient history last night, and then attempted to work on a website that was going to be the new ybdrama.com, only for modern times. 

40  Ybdrama.com was the website I had up for years. It had Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Strong Bad, theater lights, the Daily News, The Daily News archives, and even a chat thread. 

41   Geocities blew it up one afternoon with every other person's blog as well. Smithereens. As far as I know, it never made it to the Cloud [disambiguation needed], not my chair, but the very trend "Cloud." [thenk you, most kind, most kind.]

42   It's very trendy to use trend as an adjective you know.

43  I worked on some website I had started during all that turmoil, but it became ridiculous trying to figure it all out. 

44  I took the easy route and began using this stuff. I re-invented myself and put up a new website that will be called News From the Madding Cloud. The title is a toehold. I'll probably change it to some offshoot of Modern Times. Anyway, It's already created. 

45  It is a work in progress, but begins similar to this one, only in Times. My first picture is of the DVD of The Nutcracker from the Mariinsky Ballet.

46  It then introduces itself, and just as instantly introduces Strong Bad. 

47  Gonna be fun. 

48  I'll try to get something posted regarding it in the coming weeks, but right now it looks like the real deal. 

49  We'll see.

50  Meanwhile, enjoy the good ol' DN. It has been a friend for a lotta years. 

51  My companion.

52   You have a wonderful weekend.

53   See you again.

54   Peace.

~H~

https://thedailynews-h.blogspot.com/

http://homestarrunner.com/sbemail.html

1] Random Sidebar: The use of "fatal night" reminds me of how students sometimes portray that one. "On that faithful night, we were all scared..."  

Hey, what is THAT doing 
there??? 
--Strong Bad

The DN

1  Man I lost my Santa hat.

2   Ask Ponch how much that bums me out.

3   Anybody knows me knows I am Captain Christmas.

4   Anybody lookin'?

5   Okay.

6   If you haven't figured it out yet, I've a bit of a rep for being a Grinch.

7   In the last few years though I have definitely mellowed.

8   Too lazy to be grumpy.

9    But every once in a while I get some really fun and devilishly evil thoughts. 

10  I'm a Secret Santa this year. That's this gig where you sign up to be a Secret Santa and give some random person a gift every day for like a thousand days, and then reveal your Secret Identity on the last day, whenever that happens. 

11  I've been a pretty good Secret Santa, although there is a huge element of creepiness to it if you ask me.

12  It's like you stumble around Walgreens looking for two-bit presents, and then you have to sneak them to a mailbox through hidden bags or other stealthy means.

13  First time Secret Santa here. Is that how most rookies feel?

14  It's sort of like the one time YB got me to play Santa. 

15  You attain a whole different perspective on Christmas.

16   I had felt like I was in some POV cinema verite deal. 

17  EVERYBODY loves you. Absolutely everybody. It's unnatural.

18  But it doesn't take long for little kids to come by and start kissing your ass. 

19  You also have to lie to children. "Well Bobby, you know, Santa has to cover a lot of territory, but I'll see if I can get you that Leap Pad II Bundle you've reminded me of for thirteen straight minutes."

20  

21  "Uh...Santa just caught the price on that little puppy and uh...frankly you look broke-as-a joke and uh...it might be expensive for the elves to make. Maybe Santa could get you a real cool green glass from Dollar-or-Less."

22  

23   "Would that be cool?"

24   "WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

25   

26   

   Ah, I HAVE mellowed since those days, but  really, if I had it to do all over again, I would probably carry around coal, ask the kids where they live, record it on my cell, and then on Christmas eve find the top ten greediest kids and place a piece of charcoal in an old sock, put their name on a Post-It, and drop it on their porch.

27  Nah, just kiddin'. 

28  I did think about finding two people who don't like each other at work, and spiking a lump of coal in both of their boxes, just to see if they might go after each other at the end of the day. 

29   Nah, just kiddin'. 

30  Anybody lookin'?

31  It is a weird time though. I keep trying to get all my work done and everybody else wants to goof off.

32   I should loosen up and get into the spirit of it all, but I sorta prefer being that old curmudgeon sitting around on a Cloud. 

33   Captain Christmas.

34   Uh yup.

35   That would be me.

36   Moving On, Part One: fkafjafjdkfj

37   I'm pretty merry because I got lots of work done last night. 

38   I'm also pretty merry because I get to see a student get an award at lunchtime tomorrow.

39  That sort of stuff makes me happy. 

40   I love little stuff like that. I loved listening to the Special Ed students saying, "Uh oh..." every few seconds when they watched Puss-in-Boots. 

41   I loved the coincidence of yesterday shopping around for a cheap version of The Odyssey, finding one at Barnes and Noble, glancing down on the way out, and seeing Heidi, the book. 

42   Honest. Barnes and Noble at Eastridge. I felt really dizzy yesterday and went in there just to walk for a sec, found a beautiful version of the story, and got out just in time to glance down and see Heidi. Go there and look to your left and down as you enter the store. At least I think that's where it was.

43  In fact, the other day I wrote about all these coincidences that had happened, including a coincidence with Chaplin's City Lights. 

44  AFTER I wrote all that, I put on the teevee the night before last and the movie Ali was on. I originally started that DN trying to compare going in to work the first fifteen minutes to a boxer all pumped up before a fight is which he gets  pummeled.That brought forth the entire Chaplin/City Lights/boxing thing, followed by the Russian gal on HGTV mentioning "city lights" and all the rest. 

45  I like that stuff. And, truth be told, I like Christmas. Just don't tell anyone. I DO have an image I wish to keep.

46   So I guess I'm not really THAT much of a Grinch. 

47   That obnoxious Grinch commercial with that REALLY lousy actor just came on the teevee.

48  My cue to duck out.

49   You guys have a GREAT Thursday!

50   It's a perfect day to make great.

51   Gottago.

52   See you again.

53   Fly low.

54   Peace.

~H~

https://thedailynews-h.blogspot.com/