The Daily News

1  I no longer wish to talk at length about anything.

2  I'm halfway kidding, of course.

3  It's just that everything is now open season for the argumentative set. 

4  That's difficult for a guy who always claims his take on things is more accurate than everyone else's. 

5

6  Just kidding. 

7  Is Donald Trump obviously a bombastic megalomaniac racist loudmouth that I can't stand looking at?

8  Not necessarily.

9  Does Hillary Clinton have so many scandals following her entire career that we shouldn't even look her way?

10 Not necessarily.

11 Is the worst thing about Bernie Sanders that he runs everywhere he goes, gets there on time, and messes his hair up so he looks like a cross between an overzealous substitute, and a coat hanger with a wrinkled suit?

12  Not necessarily.

13  So you see my point. People hate Ted Cruz because he has a face everybody wants to push in.

14  

15  Necessarily. 

16  The point is, I don't want to say anything about anything anymore.

17  Except that...

18  Okay. I have to say it. 

19  I like Fuller House. 

20

21

22  

23

24  Nah, nah, hear me out.

25  Three words: Season One, Episode 10.

26  Also known as "The One With Hunter Pence."

27  It was a total Giants' fans' episode.

28  It was also the first time I had ever seen AT&T park featured on a sit-com.

29  Stephanie Tanner and Hunter Pence dating.

30  I can't even wrap my head around that one. 

31  How rude.

32  I have no idea when this all happened. I'd heard everyone talking about it, and in fact, arguing about it. While I always thought the show was sort of cute, I joined in on all its funk. 

33  The idea of a sequel sounded horrible to me. Some things need never be re-touched. I've seen re-makes of all sorts of things over the years, and most of them crash and burn.

34  I refuse to talk further about it lest I cause a social media rift that will surely go viral.

35  Father of the Bride is about the only re-make I ever liked. And it is a movie, not a TV series. 

36  I refuse to expound, of course.

37  So yesterday mid-morning I saw my first Fuller House. It frightened me, because it was unprecedented. Almost all original cast members appeared, and there was a shaky feel to the entire thing. Bob Sagat in particular looked unsure and awkward. The Olsen twins were clearly absent, and as far as I'm concerned, weren't missed. I always thought they looked like troll erasers on expensive pencils anyway. 

38  It didn't take long for the new show to take on a life of its own, and before long, it held its own against a lot of crap that passes for sit-coms these days. 

39  The younger set took over and brought a lot the table, morphing it into something much easier on the nerves than all the corpses and zombie bodies-in-flames crap that passes for entertainment these days. 

40  But I shall say no more.

41  As long as the show doesn't take itself too seriously, it may last longer than most sequels. It also seems to have opened the door for some fun guest appearances, which gives it lots of different plot angles. 

42  Mind you, this show was panned by the critics, and could easily have been destroyed by me.

43  It well might have been, but by episode 9, the personalities and characters moved slowly forward, and before long it made terrific background noise for writing this nonsense. 

44  And Candace Cameron Bure, Andrea Barber, and Jodie Sweetin have brought their years of experience to work putting the show on the offensive, reprising their roles as D.J. Tanner, Kimmie Gibbler, and Stephanie Tanner. 

45  This all hit me like a pie. Netflix released all 13 episodes on February 26, 2016, which if I count on my fingers, is roughly one week ago.

46  Yesterday (yes, you heard it!) the show was officially renewed for a second season. I'm tellin' ya.  

47  I was surprised when the original Full House lasted as long as it did. It was always a cringe show at best to me, but kids loved it, and it always had a schleppiness that was so syrupy and corny that it somehow stumbled through, becoming one of the most viewed television series in history. 

46  Whatever made it happen seems to be happening again. Precocious kids, corny young adults, lots of kissing with an audience of ooohs (those are ooohs, not boos), cringy acting and ludicrous plots, and a few bits with a dog. Did the formula work?  Never underestimate America's incessant craving for mediocrity. 

47  Is it good?

48  Not necessarily. 

49  Is it just fun to see something in 2016 that isn't negative and cynical?

50  I think if they allow it into their lives, the Full House generation secretly loves it, and will probably embrace it if the critics back off. It genuinely isn't mediocre to that target audience. It is their childhood, and to many of us, it does bring memories of popcorn and good times. And I think that is why I made the rather scary statement that yes, I like it, in some sort of odd way. 

51  Evidently Netflix is taking the gamble. 

52  Am I?

53  Not necessarily. 

54  Did the episode with Hunter Pence speak?

55  To me is sure did. I used to work at AT&T. Lots of footage of the Yard, and how it looks and all. Pence hitting it out off-field and into a kid's glove was a great moment, albeit ridiculous odds in real life. So...nothing has changed except everyone's sex lives, and who gives a hoot?

56  Is it mediocre?

57  Yup. But it has a nostalgic heart that says, "It is okay to have this on. And it's a great thing to have on when you are chasing babies, dogs, dinners, jobs, taxes, and politicians whose best candidates don't know to tuck their shirts in; yes, 2016, it is okay to have this on."

58  You can write me a response to this at "Idon'tgiveahoot whatyouthinkdotcom."

59  Gottago. Tell people I had a ghost writer. Lie like hell. I am "outta herrrre!"

60  See you again.

62  Have a GREAT day. 

63  And you read none of this here. 

64  It was all a dream. I'll even give you a buck, if you need it. Just keep all of this under your cap.

65  See ya.

66  Peace. 

~H~

fin.

The Daily News

1  <stretching>

2  <yawn>

3  Is there a way to side-step this ridiculous election?

4  <sorry> <drifts off>

5  Note: in this rare Dream Sequence, everybody realizes suddenly that Mr. Rogers is running for President. His first duty as President will be introducing Daniel Tiger as his Secretary of Saying Thank You. 

6  <yawns>

7  <stirs>

8   <awakening slowly>

9   Hello?

10  Anybody home?

11  Anybody lookin'?

12  My goodness! Look at the hour!

13  Took another health walk yesterday.

14  Don't get old. Here is essentially how it goes down:

15  You feel like a champ right after a good hike.

16  Then your spectacles fall to the end of your nose, and you realize you are about as spunky as Geppetto.

17  

18  <snore>

19  

20  What? Huhwhat? It is time to awaken?

21  Thank you.

22  Moving On, Part One: I know I've said this before, but have you noticed that younger people no longer say, "Thank you?" 

23  They say, "Think you!"

24  Listen next time you leave CVS. Quite often you will hear, "Think you!"

25  It's one of those things that only an Old Brown Shoe like me would catch. It always stops me, and then I smile like the old fool I have become. I might even smile all the way to my car, hop in, say to no one in particular, "Think you!", shake my head, smile again, and finally start the engine. I might even throw one more in there, for good measure.

26  I'll hear it bounce off the buildings, at least in my head.

27  It's dandy advice. Think you. 

28  Moving On, Part Two: This is what happens when I watch recorded old TV shows from weeks ago. I stop watching somewhere around 9 p.m., have a cup of coffee and a few scrumptious chocolates, swirl around for a second, then realize there is a Warriors' game on.

29  I flip through the guide, hit the game, and it is blacked out in Sac. 

30  That wasn't happening when I moved in, and it never happened to me in Sannozay.

31  I'm juggling too many things right now, but I'll figure this one out.

32  Last night I finally went to my old standby, TCM. By the time I got there, the only movie on began at 9 p.m.

33  The only thing to do is to put on a recorded show, and do some walking. So...I'll be back. I am a man possessed, but in a benign sport of way. We have officially time-traveled to last night. 

34  My laptop is jumping letters again, and popping off for no reason. It's got the hiccups is all. I just gotta hit it upside the head.

35  Imma walk it off and be back shortly. I'm trying to stay healthy. What? Oh.

36  Think you.

37  Moving On, Part Three: Huh? The movie didn't start at nine. I misread the Guide. A new movie will happen in fifteen minutes, so that is a perfect amount of time to do some walking. I'm already close to my record yesterday, so can't wait. 

38  Think you, Guide.

39  <basketball buzzer>

40  Oh...I have maintained high hiking marks with over a 5-mile daily average. The fifteen minutes went swiftly, and I finally stopped walking to listen to the introduction to the movie.

41  <yet another basketball buzzer>

42  At exactly 10 p.m. my HD channel sent word that the film was unavailable in high def. That hasn't happened to me since, well, ever.

43  I  assumed the TV experienced some form of haunt, and by-passed stuff, and recorded it in un-high def, which of course, isn't even normal; it is distorted. 

44 "High def" means to me that it is not all distorted. There isn't a medium ground, it either distorts, or it comes in crystal clear. Needless to say I watch everything distorted. The upside of getting old is that distorted things come in much clearer. Or you just don't give a hoot. Not sure which. Don't care. And that is the upside of getting old: not giving a hoot.

O the Owl from Daniel Tiger.

45  Think you veddy much.

46  I don't. Give a hoot. I'm like everyone else. For the record, the film is A Room With a View, and it is worth watching in HD. And I make it a point of watching everything in HD. 

47  When I was young, they didn't have those two options on a remote. If I could give a visual about un-High Def and High Def, the remote would have two options:

                                 sucky      awesome 

48  And yet again: Think you.

49 Hmmm.

50  Fancy that.

51  I had to attempt to trick my laptop. When I built those low-budget remote buttons, I inadvertently changed lots of other things.

52  I missed the first part of the film. Too much cooking, cleaning, and tinkering with this nonsense. 

53  Sucks.

54  Gad we have butchered this language, have we not? "Sucks." That is SO lazy. I enjoy A Room With a View  because it flows with clever stuff. I remember when we could lay down a much more meaningful and acerbic display than that lazy mongrel. "Sucks." Oy. People. Speak English. 

55  Charlotte believes George to be a rake for kissing Lucy in a field. I think I'm caught up, Mr. Forster. 

56  Ah, better. It's akin to hopping into a beastly cold shower, and the water turning slightly hot on you all at once. 

57  Doesn't suck. 

58  It sort of trickles down your nose and rolls off your back. 

59  With that, I am for the winds. I gottago where the wind blows. 

60  We have the girls over for the day.

61  We're watching Sacramento's Good Day, which is so bad that it is good. 

62  It has reporters who enjoy their jobs, slam coffee, take us on 6 a.m. brewery tours, and somewhere in there manage to bring the news. Right now they are testing new Taco Bell stuff, and slamming Cheetos. It's an acquired taste. But it doesn't suck. That's the best part. It doesn't suck. 

63  Morning officially in full swing. I gottago.

64  See you again.

65  Have a GREAT day.

66  Peace.

~H~

fin.

The Daily News

1  It's funny how much I miss Lil' Maren and Lil' Isla when I don't see them for a couple of days.

2  Yesterday life returned to normal. 

3  I put a long and emotional weekend behind me.

4  That was a tough one. 

5  Yesterday morning I awakened at five, but snoozed a bit, one of those deals where you got plenty of sleep, but it was still five.

6  I'd love to say that we older people call what I did "resting my eyes" but I always called it that anyway.

7  And the older I get, the less I want to use the word "rest" to mean "repose." 

8  I did "rest" my eyes though. I remembered the night before that Rat Guy was to make his final appearance this day.

9  So I rested, listened to some great conspiracy theories about the Bobby Kennedy assassination, and learned all sorts of new things.

10  Interesting stuff I won't bore you with, even though it morphed into the airplane crash of John Kennedy, Jr. 

11  Anyway, that took me into the 6 a.m. Rat Guy usually arrives at around 7:20, although last week he pushed that to 7:30.

12  I decided to get up and walk, instead of writing, researching, or anything like that. This is yesterday, mind you. I have a perfect house for walking around and remaining somewhat quiet. 

13  And I have that app that tells me my number of steps, miles, and daily averages. 

14  I don't like going out and walking around a dark street. Our neighborhood is pretty safe, and we have lots of police protection, but still. Once the sun rises I'm good; we live really close to shopping, so I will often walk to Raley's supermarket and pick up creamer, or coffee, or Jimmy Dean's McMuffins. 

15  Yesterday morning I was all about walking min-laps inside the house until Rat Guy arrived. 

16  After about an hour, my feet started hurting. No Rat Guy. I decided to clean the house as I walked, so that I would begin the day clean and organized. I had my first BBQ of the Spring on Sunday night, but the yard still needed to get put back together. 

17  This all added lots of mileage to my walking. 

18  As 7:20 hit, I glanced out the front window. No Rat Guy.

19  7:30. No Rat Guy.

20  Hmmm.

21  If I had school, I would have taken off. Retired, I had to change my plans for the day. I had to begin writing this, and yesterday required a lot of sequencing; that is, putting the events and ideas in the order in which they happened.

22  That seems easy unless you understand that I often write this at different sittings. 

23  Waiting for Rat Guy, I found it hard to sit down and write with any sort of fluidity, because it required some concentration. And I knew the second I sat down and got into a flow, Rat Guy would come a knocking. 

24  It became 7:45. Then 8. Then 8:30. 

25  I suppose I should have called the guy, but I really didn't feel like going there. I just didn't.

26  Helene finally took off to help Caitlin give the babies baths, and to make their day.

27  I wound up walking almost two miles before Rat Guy finally arrived. I relaxed, and said nothing. I kept the conversation businesslike and friendly, even though I sort of wanted to drop an anvil on his head. I decided to take the high road. Shrug shoulders, relax and smile. Your head smiles when you go that road. And it is less traveled. 

28  I told him that we had heard a little noise in the back, but that it was sounding slower and slower. He told me that he ordinarily would have emptied all the traps "by now," which implied that we were probably free of all pests, and that whatever was up there was probably not going to make it. 

29  I'd love to say that made me feel better...

30  Anyway, he checked, poked around, and re-appeared. We are probably free of all pests at this time.

31  I didn't think there was much of anything going on up there anyway, so it was all good. 

32  He took off and I felt I had died and gone to Heaven. 

33  Just an expression. I was happy I could finally shower, clean, clean, clean, and polish everything, and then get ready to see those babies.

34  I gathered all my stuff and headed over. 

35  Evidently, before I got over there, the babies were having a bad morning, which usually involves a lot of crying and fussing.

36  I arrived in all new, shiny-clean clothes, went inside and saw that Helene was holding Lil' Maren, who saw me, and then broke into the hugest smile you can imagine! Within seconds, Caitlin showed me Lil' Isla, who ALSO broke into this wide smile, coupled with some laughing and screeching. They both screeched, causing me to screech too, but on a much more adult level. Note to young parents: if you match a baby's screech and pitch, they will scream and cry. Instantly. Ask a guy who whistled too loudly on Punky's Dilemma. 

37  For around five minutes, I was the most important guy in the room. Heck, I was the most important guy in the town.

38  Never mind that I was the only guy in the room. I felt like a king. Those two always look beautiful to me, but they were beside themselves this time.

39  "How did you guys magnify your cuteness that fast?" I asked. 

40  I giggled. Grown man. Not gonna lie. The sun shined brightly and we allowed it in, enjoying all the warmth and magic of the morning. 

41  The news filled with reports that Folsom Lake rose 100 bazillion feet or something in the past week. Hooray! It was okay to enjoy the sunlight.

42  Good to see smiles everywhere, and to hear the sounds of high-pitched squeals and laughter. 

43  Great morning. At one point Maren started to turn her face into this torture look she gives, but Caitlin popped a bottle into my hand, and within seconds, she was in my arms staring up into my eyes, her eyes rolling up from being tuckered.

44  Nothing more peaceful. 

45  I kept falling asleep holding her, but she'd let me know when the bottle would slip. 

46  A little later on, I was awakened, and suddenly we were all preparing for a walk. I was completely out-of-it tired, but I joined in. Great hike around the park, and back home. 

47  The entire afternoon kept repeating the sleeping and the eating, and was comfortable and loving. 

48  I somehow managed to get home after all that, completely obliterated from sleepiness. At around 9 p.m. I saw that my numbers of steps and mileage had soared due to Rat Guy, the walk in the park, the constant interruptions of naps, and all the rest. And at 9 p.m. I decided to challenge myself and push the envelope. 

49  Last night at 9:46, I posted these numbers in my iPhone notes:  6.33 miles. 15,314 steps. 5.01 Daily Average. That's over the past two weeks, and change. 

50  You need to understand that I'm not really a serious walk-guy. My numbers have always floundered around 3 to 4 miles. I know there are people out there kicking my ass, but 

for me, these are record numbers. 

51  Listen: At the beginning of summer I could barely walk. I had damaged my Achilles, limped through Disneyland, walked Vegas in grave pain, and left a reunion because I couldn't keep on my feet. I had the fear of a blood clot following me through all of this, so yesterday and last night were sort of huge for me.

52  So much so that I wanted to share. Again, it isn't a huge thing, but for me it was. 

53  It just was. More important than all of that was the pure joy of a day with those babies. It was just a good day is all. It was just a great day, and I wanted to share. 

54  Okay, I gottago. I hope you understand. Tired, but a good sort of tired. 

55  See you again.

56  Have a GREAT day. Manage it so it works. It's worth the rewards. Trust me. Love stuff. Okay I really gottago. See ya.

57  Thanks for listening.

58  Peace.

~H~

fin.