The DN
1 Happy Mondayyyyy!!! Yay Yay Yay Yay YAY!!!!
2 Is there anything better?
3 Awww.
4 Something just occurred to me.
5 Our other world stayed the same.
6 fafdsxfdfafdf.
7 WAIT! That's not such a bad thing. The other world has people in it who are positive, cheerful and appreciative.
8 YAY!
9 The other world also has one or two people in it who are gravely idiotic.
10 So it goes.
11 So it goes.
12 Moving On, Part One: Yesterday our dumps started on fire.
13 You don't hear of that one happening too often. AND they have to get water from a half mile away to put it out.
14 Swell. I wonder what we're breathing in the meantime.
15 And how did they manage to get approved as a dump in the first place? Shouldn't fire safety be a part of the deal? Yeesh. Thanks Obama.
16 Moving On, Part Two: Spent the weekend with Dad, even though it was Mother's Day yesterday.
17 We did it the way a coupla dudes would do it: we bought lots of pink carnations <Mom's faves!> and took off to the cemetery.
18 The joint was jumpin'.
19 HUGE party at the cemetery.
20 Ahhh.
21 Actually we went to Safeway and found lots of pink carnations. Then we drove up the hill at Holy Cross and visited Mom. I looked at the carnations. They were baby carnations, but carnations nonetheless.
22 They looked absolutely beautiful. I knelt down and made them look really pretty. A part of me is my Mom. When we were leaving I heard Dad say quietly, "Good-bye Mama."
23 Popular day, Mother's Day. See why.
24 I like it. Always have.
25 Moving On, Part One: Ah yeesh.
26 I'm not EVEN gonna lie.
27 Last night I conked out in the midst of writing this only to awaken to an emergency test of the emergency broadcast wassername, containing loud sirens and vehicle hunts.
28 I jumped out of my chair, grabbed my Walgreen's flashlight and screamed, "Not Up in Here!"
29 I felt like a hillbilly in flannels.
30 If anything can scare a gangsta it's a guy with a Walgreens flashlight. That much is certain.
31 <looking around>
32 Anybody lookin'?
33
34
35 That was an "all clear" in my mind.
36 <screams and moans coming off the teevee screen.>
37 Nice to know we're back to normal.
38 It was about this point in the construction of this drivel that I conked out last night.
39 Here is one of the last things I wrote before dropping off:
"fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffkfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwf"
40 Scary.
43 THAT, my sisters and brothers,, is what I can do when I have awakened for the third time from the deep depths of sheer oblivion.
44 Scary.
45 Whoops.
46 Happened again. I woke up every half hour or so in order to finish this up. Never happened.
47 I kept getting long lines of one letter, followed by exclamation points, which surprised me because you have to hit a shift key in order to pull off a miracle like that.
48 "It'll keep them guessing." That's the last thing coherent I wrote before drifting off once more into my own blissful state.
49 Gottago.
50 Wish me luck with all the miscreants. They're out there in droves.
51 Take it carefully. It's Monday. Fly low and avoid the avoidable. Those people who try to drive you nuts utterly flourish on Mondays.
52 As Dad once told me, just look at them and say quietly, "It can't be done."
53 Dad is a genius, to this minute. Wise words.
54 "It can't be done."
55 See you again.
56 Peace.
The DN
1 Whoa.
2 Fell asleep.
3 M' bad.
4 Ah, it's all good.
5 Just don't fall asleep during a Giants/Bums' game.
6 You'll be instantly censured by not only Major League Baseball, but by society at large.
7 Ohhhhh doctah!
8 Anybody lookin'?
9 Only about twelve gazillion peoples.
10 It's all good.
11 Dang.
12 Didn't some country or other nuke us last night?
13 I dunno. It's just the Man trying to scare us again. The Man does that every single day. <awakening fifteen minutes later, opening one eye and seeing nothing about nukings>
14 Thought not.
15 <yawning> Not used to long games with no scoring.
16 I fell back to my habit of drifting off in games like that.
17 This is a holdover from the days when the Giants had no hitting. Now they do, but not last night.
18 Are you nuts?
--Sergio Romo
19 That was a commercial. It was booming off the sound bar and awakened me from my personal Bottom's dream.
20 I almost got up and got a couple tooth picks to keep my eyes open, but decided against it. <snoooooooze...>
21 Moving On, Part One: Am I not the worst journalist in the history of journalin'?
22 I like to think so. <waking up once more>
23 I really do.
24 Hold on.
25 Okay.
26 I had to take care of some lint.
27 I write this from a spaceship, far and wide. I claim political imprisonment by space aliens.
28 Out of Limits.
29 Who knew? It was a part of this long dream involving my captivity on a hovership. That's pretty trendy right now, if you follow conspiracy theories. That one is a doozy, btw.
30 It's all good. The 49ers and Raiders both drafted guys with single syllables containing the letter "a". This is breaking news. Or was.
31 We do have deadlines, you know.
32 So noble of you.
33 Why during a Giants/Bums game?
34 Maybe because it went on for an eternity?
35 I just dunno.
36 I really don't. <snoozes and snores>
37
38 Dih Dih Dih Dahhhhhh!
39 Anybody lookin'?
40 Posey out by a mile and six tenths.
41 Typical Giants/Bums.
42 Replay: And...he's out.
43 Sorry Giants' fans.
44 Dog's awake.
45 What else's new?
46 I hate sports. I'm not EVEN gonna lie.
47 Dog's lookin' at me.
47 She so cute.
48 She knows I'm up.
49 <insert "therefore" math symbol>
50 She wants a snack.
51 <turning into human sucker>
52 <trying reasonableness>
53 Aw sweetie, Voglesong be throwin' a masterpiece AGAINST the bums.
54 JAY-zuss.
55 Tell me how it ends. <drifts off for the remainder of the night, sugar plums and Cinnabons dancing through his mind...> <awakening hours and hours later, completely demolishing chronic insomnia...> Uh...who won?
56 Even the dawg don't know. Even the Merc News didn't know as of this morning.
57 Gottago. Have a GREAT weekend.
58 See you agin'.
59 Peace.
The DN
1 Out of Limits.
2 Old song.
3 The Marketts.
4 I got seized by the song last night.
5 I daydreamed, only at night.
6 No sports last night.
7 None that moved me, with the exception of American Idol.
8
9 Music is sport.
10 It is a subtle sport, but it takes concentration, nerve, practice, performance and execution.
11 It isn't sport in an athletic sense, but I think you can make an argument.
12 Here's my first argument: If poker is a sport, then music is a sport.
13 Just throwin' it out there. Any takers? Yeah, didn't think so.
14 Moving On, Part One: So where was I?
15 Oh yeah.
16 Out of Limits.
17 The song.
18 Popped into my head last night.
19 I jokingly told my students the other day that I was to be absent yesterday because our entire department was told to meet in the middle of the baseball field, where an alien spaceship was to hover, and then beam the lot of us up, out of limits.
20 It woke many of them up.
21 Moving On, Part Two: Jena just killed it on Am Idol. Is that her name? Jena?
22 She played the grand and nailed Elvis' Can't Help Falling in Love. Beyond imagination.
23 While she sang I told Rene, "She's singing about someone. Might have been the boy she left behind, or it may have been the boy who left her."
24 When she was asked, she said, "I sang that for my Mom," or words to that effect.
25 <camera pans to blubbering Mom.>
26 How do you choose?
--Ryan Secrest
27 I don't know.
28 And just as suddenly, Am Idol lifts off and zips away like an elusive hovercraft.
29 Anybody lookin'?
30 Moving On, Part the Thoid: More anybodies lookin' than yesterday, I imagine. Mostly somebodies.
31
32 Same day.
33 Running theme.
34 Same day.
35 Too many disruptions.
36 Ever gotten overstimulated?
37 That would be me.
38 Stuff flying at me faster than I could field.
39 Occupational hazard.
40 Same day.
41 I can't seem to escape that mini-thesis.
42 Yesterday already seems years past, and it has already been dismissed.
43 Yeesh. I'm going batty. I swear.
44 It's all good.
45 I'm pretty sure that nearly everyone I know is going just as batty.
46 Anybody lookin'?
47 fdafdfdadf.
48 Just biding my time here.
49 There's always today. There's one good thing about there's always today.
50 It proves there's always tomorrow.
51 Same day.
52 Old movie in. Screen flickers. Some guy whistlin' Pop Goes the Weasel.
53 My Directore just told me that was my cue to vanish.
54 <poof>
55 and...just like that...
56 Peace.
~H~
The DN
1 "How quaint!"
2 Some old movie or other is again flickering and bandying about. Conga line. Barbara Stanwyck. That sort of thing.
3 I looked up for a second just to catch some gal, might have been Stanwyck say sarcastically, "How quaint!"
4 That's what's missing in the world.
5 People don't say things like "How quaint!" anymore.
6 This one sounded sarcastic, but my mind has been mellowed lately, so it turned the line upside down, causing me to reminisce about the days when someone would say, "How quaint!" and smile at an old town, a field of daisies or in my case, an old movie.
7 I tire of all the sarcasm and negativity.
8 I'm beginning not to care. My mind has been sunshine and fields of daisies lately.
9 I'm pretty sure it's the Man.
10 Not THAT sure. Just pretty sure.
11 I discovered that I accidentally bought some Chiquita bananas yesterday.
12 I was in our neighborhood Safeway and grabbed a bunch of bananas from the organic rack.
14 I got home horrified that they were from Chiquita.
15 Chiquita was formerly the United Fruit Company with huge associations with the Dulles Brothers and the law firm Sullivan and Cromwell, known for being representatives to I.G. Farben, a company in Germany that funded the Nazi death camps.
16 Okay, okay. For years, any time I would be in the fruit aisle and see Chiquita bananas, I would give them the slip.
17 I was thinking that the reason I have been having lovely dreams of fields of daisies and all is that the Man probably put something into my bananas.
18 I have been uncustomarily mellow the past few days. It began with the Chiquita bananas I bought a few days ago.
19 To begin, I don't believe for a second that they are "organic". We're talking about the Man here.
20 Mellow Yellow.
21 Chiquita bananas haven't always appealed to me anyway. Plus they had commercials with bananas dancing and stuff.
22 Every time I would see a Chiquita banana commercial, I would split.
23 Okay I'll stop.
24 I had a thesis. I swear to you.
25 OH!
26 The fact that I've been a mellow fellow lately.
27 I don't think it's my accidental switch to Chiquita bananas. I don't think it was the Man slipping me Mickeys.
28 I think it is because I began taking all these vitamins.
29 For some reason I believe in vitamins.
30 A movie just fired up on the teevee. The Age of Innocence.
31 The opening scene had an opera scene with daisies.
32 I don't know, maybe it was the bananas...
33 Moving On, Part One: What was that?
34 No.
35 I am better now. Word of honor. I am better now.
36 Moving On, Part Two: Yesterday I wore my favorite hat to work. It is a Stetson straw. It's old, but solid. I wore it with a suit jacket, plaid shirt, and a tie that somehow matched.
37 Dapper Dan.
38 I don't wear sunglasses too often because I think we Californians overdo sunglasses. But it was bright yesterday morning. The sun demanded I wear protection.
39 I couldn't find my regular sunglasses but I did find some back-ups, a bifocal pair that I could use to see both the road and the dashboard.
40 I zipped out the front door, looked at my car door window right before I opened it and then I clumb in.
41 Do you do that? Look at yourself in the window each time you get in the car? I goofed on that.
42 Irrelevant Teevee Sidebar: Strauss just started up in 3/4 time. On the teevee. I looked up. Smiled. It may have been the bananas.
43 Who knows?
44 Fear and Loathing on Seis de Mayo.
45 And...Back to It: When I saw my reflection, I was a dead ringer for Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, the guy who had his body shot out of a cannon after he died.
46 I felt mellow yesterday morning too.
47 If the Man is getting me mellow, I don't mind too much.
48 The Vienna Waltz is swirling around the room, including a dance. And shadows wash the room.
49 I've no idea what this movie is about because I've been going bananas trying to hit this DN's deadline.
50 Unlike normally, I remain calm beyond words.
51 I think I'll sneak out.
52 Anybody lookin'?
53 See you again. Take your vitamins.
54 Peace.
~H~
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