The Once-in-a-While

Daily News

1  Ahhh. Well, thanks everybody, for the birthday thoughts. I tried to keep it secret, but once it spilled to the social media, I enjoyed it, like a sudden water ride in the spring.

2  You throw your hands up, and then you smile and giggle like a toddler! All of that. I really did appreciate everybody's friendship and love. 

3  And AFTER all of that, March still lingers.

4  It's becoming a bluish leftover lamb.

5  Which is okay.

6  It's okay.

7  The parties have ended and the focus clearly is on April, our little Lamb of God; our little secret.

8  While traveling through my youth, when I would come in from a rough Friday or Saturday night, my Dad would sometimes awaken me with this greeting: "Good morning, Buddy. Would you like to have a nice cup of cold lamb gravy?"

9  Thundering Zeus!

10  Ah, gone are the days; gone are the days.

11  And then... lamb jokes. Oh, they have them. To wit: 

Q. What do you call a lamb with no legs? 

A. A cloud. 

12  Moving On Swiftly, Part One: I began all of this on Sunday afternoon, a day filled with layers and layers of ennui. For those of you who might not know what ennui is, I'd like to help out. Not a grammar nor a vocab Nazi here. So here go:

ennui

ahn-wee, ahn-wee; French ahn-nwee]

noun

1.     a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or 
        lack of interest; boredom.
        The endless lecture produced unbearable ennui.

13  The word satiety is one of those uppity words that  simply means " the state of being overly-satisfied," so ennui is that feeling of unbearable boredom because, while everything seems okay for the moment, you are also ridiculously bored. Nobody died, nothing is particularly wrong; you're just bored to the point of screaming. 

14  I wanted to get out and do some walking, but every time I'd go out, I'd do some low-budget project and head back indoors.

15  Sunday I got up early, edited a play, looked through set design books JUST as a hobby. I nailed a lot of that in an hour or so, and moved to the yard. I looked over at my little jug fountain and saw it had moss in it. 

16  Oh, Hells-to-the No.

17

18

19

20

21  #goodgawdweveturnedstupid

22  

23  I did the right thing. I went back inside and Googled "cleaning a water fountain" on Google. I found it, so I Googled it. Google, google, google. You know when you google something iso exquisite expertise? I found some guy who posted a video over fourteen minutes. Can't miss.

24  This guy posted a "how-to" in which he pulled a mini-mucky fountain to a close-up, and started moving his fingers all around the top part of the fountain. The only trouble was, the guy barely whispered the instructions. He must have gotten his tech schooling from the sound guy from that Girl With the Dragon Tattoo movie. New acting trend. "Don't worry if the audience can't hear you. Act from your heart and soul."

Maybe. Sometimes, though, the audience needs information, even if you can flood the set with real tears. Old school over here, people. As Judge Judy would say, "FINISH YOUR SENTENCES. I HATE THAT!" Basic rule of theatre. Drives me nuts. 

25  You couldn't hear what the guy was saying if you were in a village of Carthusian monks. 

26  My immediate impulse was clearly to move to a different video. But I stood fascinated that this guy took the time to film himself for over fourteen minutes, and with almost no sound.

27  He wasn't instructing; he seemed to be vowing.

28  And his comment section. Yeesh. People honked at him with verbal traffic horns. And they were graceful and poetic. I give you the grace-filled miracle of the human tongue:

29  "why were u talkin' so quietly?"  ---naterade21

       "Was listening in the background as I cleaned our                             fountain. It seemed like you were trying to convince me
        to make love to you with how you spoke...I paused a few
        times to look at my phone. Lol."---Fabian Nunez

The guy even commented on his own video. Here is what he posted to himself:

        "People are sleeping."---Rocking Dustpan

30  That was his name. He left me a white square that I'd like to share with you. It became a tattoo for me to enjoy on my own post here.    
                           
31  You can't make this stuff up.





31  Allow me to translate.

32  Get a hose. Get a gallon of white vinegar and a bottle of cocoanut oil.

33  Clean the fountain pump with white vinegar and a garden hose. Clean and spit-shine the fountain using a squirt bottle of cocoanut oil. Add some arugula and quinoa. Welcome to 2017.

34  Everything you DO in 2017 suggests you use white vinegar and cocoanut oil. And arugula and quinoa. And kale.

35  Who am I to step on the toes of trendy?

36  Maybe if I season the pump with green kale and arugula it might look spiffier. 

37  Worth a shot. Afterwards I could have quinoa pie seasoned with coriandar. And a shot of Maker's. 

38  And chase it all with a key-lime pudding.

39  It would be yummy.

40  Moving On, Part Two: Am I keeping up with trend?

41  Ah it's all good. 

42  Social media as goldfish bowl.

43  When did it EVER come to this?

44  I guess I like that I somehow have become friends with everybody I ever met. In my entire life. Yeah, because THAT'S normal.

45  It makes me feel good that I live a reasonably "normal" life. LOL. LMFAO. IMHO. HMO. DIMSUM.

46  

47  Anybody lookin'?

48  Moving On, Part the Thoid: According to my own Soc Med profile, I turned 111 on Monday. 

49  Like that? "Soc-Med."

50  I'd forgotten that I put my correct year of birth when I first signed on. 

51  I also have TWO Facebook sites. That's the sort of thing you do when you are Agency.

52  

53  <with some form of Eastern European accent> Zo. You dewnt belief me.

54

55  Pehfect diskize...

56  I'd like again to thank everyone for all the nice thoughts over the weekend. Had a LOT of fun.

57  Gottago.

58  See you again.

59  Have a GREAT day.

60  Live life.

61  Love life.

62  Peace. 

fin. 

"It was a dump. But it was our dump, so

we could talk bad about it. But we didn't

want anybody else to talk bad about it."

Dwight Clark, on Candlestick Park.

The Once-in-a-While 

Daily News:

Dwight Clark.

1 I had already written another piece when news came over the wire about Dwight Clark.

2  All I could think of was this: Prayers. Heart-breaking stuff. Clark, who became a household name in the NFC 1981 Championship game between the Niners and the Dallas Cowboys after making what came to be known as "The Catch", recently was diagnosed with ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, aka Lou Gehrig's disease), and we all send prayers to Dwight, and to his family. 

What Clark means to the Bay Area can't be put into words. No matter who your team is, you love Dwight Clark. I always felt I could go into his restaurant and have a steak with him. Country goodness. His diagnosis this week struck many fans of the San Francisco 49ers as a time of reflection, and of remembering how long it took for them to become a storied franchise. It also brought "The Catch" back to me, as vividly as I remember having watched it. And in the end, Montana-to-Clark, "Sprint-Right-Option" has lived in my heart ever since. We all hailed it as "The Catch." Listen:

3  I worked at Candlestick for years, saw many awesome moments. I knew that something magical was happening from the first pre-season Niner game of the '81-'82 season. I know it's cliche' but there was a magic running through every home game of that season, particularly the 24-22 undressing of the Seahawks in a pre-season game at Candlestick on August 22, and the 45-14 pummeling of the Dallas Cowboys on October 11. After the Seahawks' game, my wife Helene, her brother Russ and I celebrated in The Forum. You would have thought that we had already WON the Super Bowl. Shouts of "Who ARE those guys?" danced through the night. Anybody who was there will tell you the same story. Something incredible was about to happen to the San Francisco 49ers, and we stood on the precipice that night, and that precipice was Candlestick Park. A quick backstory:

4  Eddie DeBartolo and Bill Walsh saw that the Niners needed defense that year, and brought in the following players: Fred Dean, Dwight Hicks, Ronnie Lott, Jack "Hacksaw" Reynolds, Carlton Williamson, and Eric Wright, a metaphorical murderer's row on defense, featuring a complete overhaul of the secondary. This explains the craziness of that Seattle game. This magic continued into the season, and amazing plays happened on a weekly basis. I was a beer vendor at the time. I got to see a whole bunch of that season. I probably should have been selling more beer, but there are moments when you just watch. I would kneel during football games anyway. It was easy to look at the game and pour two beers with two hands. So I watched. And I loved my Niners. I saw LOTS of great things at Candlestick. I was a rare breed who loved the place. As Dwight Clark put it, "It was a dump. But it was our dump, so we could talk bad about it. But we didn't want anybody else to talk bad about it."

Amen. I used to get ridiculed when I told people I loved Candlestick. I STILL love Candlestick. I never thought it was a dump. I saw miracles at Candlestick, even though I missed the Pope. I worked there for twenty-five years, and I never thought it was a dump. I loved the place. 

I was born a 49er fan. And over the years I thought I had seen it all. 

5  But the greatest moment I got to see was "The Catch." I got to be there. I had to work. I had to sell beer in the seats, but I got to be there.

I got to be there, with my Mom, Dad, and most of the gang I used to be with at all the Kezar games. They had season tickets before there was such a thing. We grew up in a Niner neighborhood. And we hated the Dallas Cowboys and everything about them. 

As a cold beer guy, I got to run around selling the most popular item in the stadium. I saw many great moments at both Kezar Stadium, where my Dad brought me as a kid, and at Candlestick Park, where I roamed, "poppin' and pourin' " as the vendos would put it. 

6  The 49ers came into the game 13-3 following a miracle season and with the biggest chance to reach the Super Bowl in franchise history. They hosted a team that was already a dynasty. I won't go into the first three quarters of the game except to say that it was a bloodbath.  After an entire game of back-and-forth huge plays, the Niners found themselves in the fourth quarter with the ball on the 11-yard line, and trailing 27-21 with 4:54 left in the game. They still had all three timeouts. I remember the clock, that's for sure. Agonizing, particularly since the Niners had turned the ball over six times.

7  4:54. Vivid.

8  The Drive:

9  I don't remember every play, just moments. Historically, here is how that amazing drive unfolded: On first down, Joe Montana threw a dropped pass to Lenvil Elliott. Elliott followed with a 6-yard run. On third-and-four, Montana found Freddie Solomon for a six-yard gain, and a first-and-ten on the 23. Montana then handed off to Elliott for an eleven-yard gain. I began working myself over to my family and friends, up in the East stands. 

The Niners suddenly found themselves on their own 34. Montana again went to Elliott for a gain of seven. It was now second-and-three from their own 41. Montana whipped a ball right through Elliott, incomplete.

On third-and-three, with hope diminishing, the stress set in. High stakes. Movement. Whistle. Dallas off-side, five-yards and an automatic first down.

Montana then shifted and went to Earl Cooper for a quick gain of five, and the clock ticked down to the two-minute warning. Then came a Bill Walsh magic play. Montana went from his short game, straight-ahead offense to a reverse to wide receiver Freddie Solomon around the left side for a gain of fourteen. The Niners were not only in Dallas territory, but they were on the 35-yard line. Brilliant call. I arrived on the steps near my parents and friends, and looked over. I heard my strap clunk into my metal beer case. I saw the scratches inside, and the last drops of my last case swirling with dirt. 

Thoughts ran through my head as an old-school Niner fan: "Oh my God don't score too early!" "First and ten, no turnovers dammit!" and,  "Oh, s#it!" We glanced at each other, reading one another's thoughts. Tacit. Succinct. 

Montana calmly found Dwight Clark on the right side for an easy gain of ten.  Another first-and-ten, and Montana with yet another strike to Solomon for thirteen, ball now on the 12. The Niners called time with 1:15 left in the game. 

They came out of the huddle, and Montana took a shot to the end zone, but missed Solomon. 

On second-and-ten, Montana handed off again to Elliott, who gained a quick six yards. Elliott tore it up in that drive. The Niners called timeout with 58 seconds remaining.

Third and three. 58 seconds on the clock. Pure tension in golden hands. The stage, as it were, was set. 

58 seconds.

10  The Catch: The play, heroically remembered as "Sprint-Right Option," was designed to go to Freddie Solomon, but Solomon slipped, and Joe found himself running to his right pursued by a fierce Ed "Too Tall" Jones and another band of Dallas thieves. Montana, back-pedaling, pump-faked Jones and then heaved the ball as high as possible into the right corner of the end zone. Clark, at the post, made a quick reverse to the right side, screened off Everson Walls, and jumped higher than I'd ever seen him, catching the ball at his fingertips, and sending delirious Niner fans into a frenzy. This included me, for that exact second. Maybe two seconds. Maybe three.

With fans still standing, I crouched on the steps. I said under my breath, "There's STILL 55 seconds left, and Danny White can ruin this fast." 

Time stood still. I was ahead of the crowd, as was Bill Walsh. He knew how quickly Dallas quarterback Danny White could strike. And he did. Following a safe kickoff by Ray Wersching, the Cowboys were on their own 25 with 47 seconds remaining. 

White wasted no time. With some fans still celebrating, White sent a bomb down the middle to Drew Pearson. Pearson pulled it down on the San Francisco 44. Eric Wright caught Pearson by the jersey, or he would have off to the races. GREAT play by Eric Wright. Monumental. 

38 seconds.

White and company came out of the huddle. Here is the moment history forgot: 

The Punch: The Cowboys lined up, snapped the ball, and Lawrence Pillars shot through and punched the ball out of Danny White's hand. The Niners' Jim Stuckey came up with it. At that point, the game was essentially over, and the entire stadium, the entire country, and the entire world knew it. That's a team. That's a team effort, and I'm pretty sure Clark knew that too. That's why they became champs. That's why they became a dynasty. But "The Catch" remains my favorite moment of all time, and it happened in my favorite stadium. I salute you for that one, Dwight. We will all love you forever. Soak that one up.

Joe brought the offense on the field to take a knee, and he instantly dashed to the South end zone and tunnel. He already knew what was to happen.

The clock ran out, and the Niners were the Champions of the NFC. The crowd flooded the field. A few weeks later they traveled to Detroit for Super Bowl XV1. They outplayed and out-thought the Bengals, ending the Bengals' hopes with a dramatic goal-line stand, and with the toe of Ray Wersching. 

But that's a story for another day. 

11  To Dwight Clark, and to his family, friends and fans: thanks forever for faking Everson Walls out of his jock. You were and are a legend, and you will live in our hearts evermore. And hang in there dude. You got millions pulling for you. 

12  Here's the game, and The Drive, The Catch, and the Punch. Hit the link, not the pic:

"The Catch" Cowboys vs. 49ers 1981 NFC Championship Full Game

13   Gottago.

14  Have a GREAT day.

15  See you again.

16  Live life.

17  Love life.

18  Peace.

~H~

fin.

The Once-in-a-While

Daily News

1  Last week I began cleaning my yard up from all of the storms. Went over to Home Depot, and fourteen billion other people were doing the same thing.

2  I also got motivated by a few Home and Garden shows they have up in these parts.

3  Fortunately I have a bunch of garden stuff I brought up from San Jose. I live in Sacramento these days. They have different flowers up here.

4  Unfortunately I didn't think to winterize all my stuff. I don't have a shed, but I do have these large patio furniture covers.

5  I decided clutter ruins a back yard. I had seventeen-thousand faded market umbrellas lying about, for example. 

6  Last Friday I got up early and at 9 a.m. decided to do a yard demo. My feeling at the time was to de-clutter, and to throw seventy per cent of my yard away.

7  This included rusty yard tables, chairs, flower stands, candle holders: you get the drift.

8  I was meticulous about loading everything neatly onto the TOOOOOOONDRA (remember the TOOOOOOONDRA?), and keeping the load low. The recycle place I go to in Sac charges by height and I think by weight. Regardless, I spent the entire morning loading and wedging everything in. I criss-crossed strong bungee cords over the entire thing. 

9  After a few hours of getting all the stuff out of the yard and onto the truck, I was ready to roll. 

10  I've often kidded that I would rather go to the dumps than I would to Disneyland. Here's why:

When I go to the dumps, I come home to neatness and organization. When I come home from Disneyland, I come home with a Mickey Mouse hat.

11  That's why.

12  I changed clothes a couple of times that morning. My lawn got destroyed by the storms, so in addition to getting to go to the dumps, I also got to get sloppy. Any time I do yard work, I wear a huge cowboy straw so I don't get poked by citrus thorns. I love cowboy hats, even though I'm a dude. A dude as in "city boy" or "not a cowboy." 

13  When I finally hopped into the cab, I was clean and spiffy. Felt wonderful. I find cowboy straws spiffier than Mickey Mouse hats.

14  I got my hat just so, looked in the mirror, gave me a wink, and turned the key like a boss.

15  The engine clicked. I turned it again and everything shut down. 

16  I sat, staring down. I felt like the ice cream just fell off the cone.

17  I popped the hood, pulled the cables off, got a razor, scraped everything, put the cables back, hopped back into the cab, and again turned the key.

18  Same result. 

19  I know what Einstein allegedly said about madness, and decided to call AAA. I went back into the house, microwaved a hunk of old pizza, and pulled up a glass of water when the doorbell rang.

20  The easiest way to get a tow truck to your house quickly is to get yourself some lunch. 

21  They were two guys my age, one named Murph and the other one with an Irish name (I actually work off notes when I write this stuff, but for the life of me. Let's call that guy O'Hara.). 

The hood of the TOOOOOOONDRA was still up, so Murph looked in and said, "I already know what's wrong! We just need to knock down those cables!"

22  They asked what project I was working on, and I answered, "Just wanted it to look nice on St. Patrick's Day! So I thought I'd pare down my Patty O' Furniture!"

23  They liked it.

24  "Yep," I continued. "I got the truck loaded, then it didn't start! Murphy's Law!"

25  Yup, my green truck was loaded. 

26  Anyway, those guys got her done in no time, and before I knew it I was headed for the dumps. Helene came with, so it was a nice ride. 

27  It's a forty-five minute drive to the dumps. I pulled out a beat-up old CD of the Mama's and Papa's, and before I knew it, I was flying down the road singing, "You gotta go, go where you wanna go, do, do what you wanna do, with, with whoever, you, you wanna do it with..."

28  Got there, guy came out, looked at the load, and said, "Thirty."  

29  The dumps always kill me, because it's sort of like driving a motorboat on a dusty dry lake: other cars drive at you in the wrong lane, everyone drives every which way, and I think everyone thinks it's a hoot.

30  At Zanker in San Jose I used to drive through sea gulls just to watch 'em scatter. Yee, haw!!! 

31  This dude can cowboy up every now and again.

32  Got home and began cleaning the stuff that stayed: a pretty nice table and chairs, lots of flower pots, and a couple of water features. 

33  Oh, and my statue of St. Frank. He stares down at a small Capistrano fountain. All that stuff had mud and grime, nothing a bit of elbow grease can't clean.

34  The trouble with doing something on a budget is that I wound up working morning, noon and night to get it to look un-sloppy. Pretty sure a lot of other people are probably going through the same thing.

35  Every time I go into a store I look for something whimsical.

36  Sixes and sevens. I also needed to consider baby-proofing for obvious reasons. 

37  I got it looking okay. I also bought a backyard wicker storage unit to keep stuff in. I even moved any poisons out to the garage and high up. 

38  This morning Caitlin came over with Li'l Maren and Li'l Isla. The yard got put to an immediate test. I knew everything was reasonably safe, but I also knew to stay way close to those little weasels. 

39  They've been sick for the past couple of days, and could cry by someone looking at them. Maren started crying for no apparent reason, which of course broke my heart. I lifted her up and carried her out to the yard. I showed a Mickey and Minnie mouse set that I cleaned up and put in the yard. Minnie has a butterfly on her nose, but with a wing missing. She squealed with delight. 

40  I pointed out flowers, umbrellas, statues, and she loved it. 

41  I brought her over to a small jug fountain, and she squirmed out of my arms and ran over, splashing her hands in the fountain. I let her play for a bit, then brought her in.

42  As though on cue, Isla started crying, and I did the same with her. Caitlin and Helene came out with Maren, and we let them splash and look up at us. They didn't care that the yard wasn't complete, or that it wasn't nearly what I wanted. 

43  They have little pumpkin smiles.

44  Those pumpkin smiles were designed to show me that I am Michaelangelo in their eyes.

45  Oh, I imagine.

46  Moving On, Part One: I don't recall if I mentioned it here, but when Zootopia got all those amazing awards (Academy Award, Golden Globe Award, Critic's Choice, etc.) I had no idea.

47  I do know that it is the Beebeez favorite movie, and they dance every time they hear Try Everything.

48  After splashing around in Michaelangelo's fountain, they came inside and lay across the rug watching Zootopia.

49  I think it's a masterpiece. I also know that some day that song will bring tears to this Old Brown Shoe. 

50  "Whatchu gonna do, crah?"
                                          ---Gideon Grey, Zootopia
51  Well...yeah.

52  Gottago.

53  See you again.

54  Have a GREAT day.

55  Live life.

56  Love life.

57  Peace.

~H~

               

fin.