The Daily News

1   Happy Monday!!!!!!! Thought I'd start the morning with coffee and another quote about writing from Stephen King. 

2   Well I ain't scared of nothin'! AND I am pleased to announce that I am officially a Windows10 guy.

3   Trust me, that's saying a LOT.

4    You're reading something by a guy who got slapped around by Windows 8, one of the most treacherous villains ever to walk the Earth. It took me half a day to find the START button.

5    At first Windows 10 caused my laptop to act scared, but I watched a few videos prior to bringing it in and liked what I saw. I also had time to read the instructions. 

6   It did manage to usher in the pink error line that seems never to go away, and which seems to haunt the DN on a daily basis.

7   I'm used to it and I swear to you I will hunt it down and get rid of it, but I keep forgetting to do that.

8  I've been trying to write all this mumbo in the afternoons, and then edit early, but for the life of me I was much better at writing this when I had morning deadlines.

9   I HAD to get this out by 7:40 or I would be late for school. 

10  I would go through this nervousness and fear each morning.

11  Stephen King got it. That's some of the best advice on writing I've ever seen. 

12  I have found over the years that quite often if I simply begin writing, the piece will emerge.

13  More often than not it works.

14  This is my twentieth year of throwing this nonsense out there. That's almost impossible to believe.

15   I have boxloads of old hard copies of original DN's that I keep thinking I could share. Unfortunately, many are chock full of adverbs. I can't get away from those dastardly things.

16   It's fun because I knew I had to go into this twentieth year of writing this stuff despite the fact that I no longer teach. It's a personal challenge and it keeps my mind alert, for the most part.

17   It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

18   Moving On, Part One: Windows 10 just blanked shut and then opened again, like a wide-mouth frog.

19   Or a Loony Tune. 

20   Ah, again with the horrid analogies!

21   

22   Anybody lookin'?

23   It's funny how out of sync I get with this when weekends or holidays roll around.

24   I get lazy brain.

25   The older I get the more I seem to get lazy brain.

26    Yeesh. Don't get old.

27   Moving On, Part Two: I finally got out to see the real Sacramento on Saturday. I went down "J" Street in search of a couple of Big Lots. 

28   "J" Street is fun because it goes all the way through town. I wanted to visit various Big Lots because I could find unique things that Walmartians wouldn't know about, and still get off on the cheap.

29   We drove all the way down "J" and then turned right around and headed back, eventually landing in Old Town, walked through all of the historic buildings and eventually had beverages and calamari on the historic Delta King. What follows is a quick tour of our new Old Town digs:

30  We looked out on the Tower Bridge and watched people flying past us in some wonderful water crafts. It dazzled. 

31   Sometimes it's fun to be a tourist in your own town. 

32   I think my favorite place was this candy store that featured Salt Water Taffy.

33   Helene wanted the taffy; I didn't think my teeth could handle it. She had a total hankerin' for the stuff so we got some. She ate one and said that it was really fresh and not likely to cause any teeth issues. 

34  Mark another victory for this Old Brown Shoe. 

35  I have officially enjoyed the best Salt Water Taffy on Earth from this candy store called Munchies. 

36  That candy store was so trend it even featured Chicken and Waffles Taffy.

37  No kidding. 

38  It's weird getting used to a town you think you know, but it's also a lot of fun. Each day I like this place more and more.

39  Moving On, Part Two: Is Obama randomly changing the name of Mt. Mckinley today?

40  Man.

41  What a legacy.

42  Oh well. I guess.

43  That's just SO random.

44   I'm just going to enjoy Monday now that I can.

45   Moving On, Part the Thoid: I guess that's about all I have for today. 

46   It's a lovely morning, so all you need to do is get through the day. Shouldn't be too tough. Just smile and go in.

47   I'm rooting for everyone this fine day.

48   With that, I'm going to bow out.

49   Have a GREAT day, and we'll see you again.

50   Peace.

~H~

The Daily News

1   I decided last night to open one of those small platters of mixed organic veggies, just so I would have a healthy snack before dinner. 

2  I bought it at some store or the other, and noticed it was labeled "Biologique." How fancy-schmancy is THAT?

3   Pinkies up.

4   Oh no.

5   It goes on. How's this for pretentiousness?

6   First, it said in English this:  "Vegetable tray." And right next to that it said Plateau de crudites.

7   Seesly?

8   Doesn't that translate roughly into English as "Table of Idiots who are crude?"

9  Moving On, Part One: Comedian Josh Blue on heckling: "I think heckling is misunderstood. It's usually drunk people trying to help."

10  I love that guy.

11  So a happy Friday to you all.

12  We somehow made it through a week where I wanted to throw my television out the window.

13  It's fun, in some ways to have so much more time to do this.

14  I need more time since my laptop keeps doing odd things.

15  For instance, it continues to jump words into other sentences, often when I'm not looking.

16  It also has this pink bar that appears at the top of the page every now and again. This tends to lock my keyboard.

17  You might remember last year when I mentioned that it also says "Report an issue" in the lower right-hand corner? Still does.

18  At the time I used to throw a picture of Nurse Ratched up and would do an interview thing with her.

19  I had my reasons.

20  Moving On, Part Two: I've mellowed yo.

21   I'm not sure if I have the jits or if my laptop has the jits some mornings. I try to highlight stuff and either I or it goes into the jits. 

22  I'm pretty sure most of the challenges on this little machine are user errors. 

23  I think my body feels I have to hit a deadline on this thing, but the deadline keeps being later each day.

24  At some point I'm going to analyze everything and take care of this guy.

25  I can probably Google most of this stuff but to be honest, I don't sit around thinking about it all day.

26  Moving On, Part the Thoid: Sacramento has this station called Good Day, which supposedly covers all of Northern California.

27  I sort of like it because it has a real small-town feel to it. They talk to farmers, go to county fairs, and seem to visit some sort of comic convention nearly every day.

28   Or a comic marathon where people dress up as their favorite comic heros and run to raise monies for good causes.

29  Right now they are at the Flower Farm Inn in Loomis.

30  I'm glad this passes as news. It's showing us some farm fresh vegetables which are probably biologique. 

31  They also show pictures of people's dogs.

32   In many ways it is so funky that it keeps me from getting the jits.

33  Wherever the super hero run is, their costumes are dreadful. Guys are running by wearing bath towels with cardboard "S's" on them. 

34  I wonder if anyone ever went as Bouncing Boy.

35   Here is a classic picture of Bouncing Boy:

36  You gotta love his thoughts about bouncing "...toward that bounder."

37  

38   

Here:

noun

1.  an obtrusive, ill-bred man.

2.  a person or thing that bounds.

39  Ha.

40  I wonder if BB ever had me for English.

41   Probably not. I don't recall ever having that word on a vocabulary list.

42   He must have had Demerson or Ocamb-Winters.

43   His street name was Chuck Taine and I never had him.

44   He got his bouncing power by drinking some sort of plastic that he thought was a soda pop.

45   The name Chuck Taine was stolen from Citizen Kane. His name was Charles Foster Kane, and BB's alter-ego was named Charles Foster Taine, an obvious rip-off.

46   Did I mention that today is a slow news day?

47   Good Day just went back to that farm in Loomis, which makes me want to go outside and garden.

48  <basketball buzzer>

49  First off, I'm in Sac, and it is supposed to be a bazillion degrees today. Second...ummmm...last time I looked there was a drought?

50  Am I missing something here?

51

52  I'm such a killjoy. 

noun

1.   a person who spoils the joy or pleasure of others;  spoilsport.

53   As much as I am loving all of this, I think it is high time to say good day to this week. 

54   Have a WONDERFUL weekend.

55   See you again.

56   Peace.

~H~

The Daily News

1   Did you ever finally clean your fridge, and midway through want to run away?

2   Yeah.

3   Me, last night.

4   The glamour of traveling all over the place isn't without its pitfalls, one of which is that organic veggies melt down fast in a fridge.

5  I know this sounds anal but I keep a Sharpie on me all the time. I label the date I put veggies in the fridge, even if it runs a little and turns my fingers black.

6  Yesterday when I ran for some creamer in the morning, I put the creamer back in the fridge.

7   Later in the day I wanted to do an afternoon ice coffee and couldn't find the creamer that took me around an hour to get due to traffic from the school up the street. 

8   Ah, the glamour of retirement. What's funny is that just getting through each day is STILL a full-time job, especially when your fridge has so much stuff in it you can't find anything.

9   And Wednesday? Really? The garbage guys come to our area on Tuesdays. Wednesday is not a good choice of day to have wet garbage in huge bags all around the house.

10  Fortunately I have a freezer in the garage so I find myself taking these huge bags and freezing them. 

11  And I'm so ass-backwards with my planning that I decided to do this after driving the T0000000NDRA on a forty-minute ride to the recycling place I prefer. 

12   The closer one is free, but you can get hit by a tractor if you're not careful. They seem not to see you, and that place is around the size of my dining room.

13   On the way home I had a hankerin' for some healthy foods and bought about six million organic vegetables and committed myself to finally tackling the fridge.

14  Nice thinking.

15   AND I bought some organic meatballs to put into an organic spaghetti sauce in my organic crock pot.

16   

17   I'm very organic. 

18   I shampoo with organic oat shampoo and I use coconut aloe vera to keep my face as soft as a baby's butt. 

19   I chose oat shampoo because I see what nice complexions horses have.

20   That horse be like "Hey, leave me out of it!"

21   All this after five p.m. when I got home from the organic recycling place. 

22   I wound up throwing away huge amounts of unmarked organic foods, enough to constitute another dash to the recyclers, or did I already say that?

23

24   And to think, I didn't think I'd have enough to talk about this morning. 

25   The thing about cleaning out the fridge is that we tend to underestimate how much stuff even a small fridge can hold.

26  I got home from the recycling place and was pretty thirsty. I opened the fridge to grab a cold water but got hit in the chest by an open rasberry soda, organic of course. 

27  It was one of those mini-cans, but it got all over the inside of the fridge AND in the freezer section. It dripped down the side, onto my new floor and UNDER the fridge.

28  And that's how it all started. I got so mad I decided to punish myself, a very Catholic thing to do. That tiny soda seemed to hit everything: pickle jars, mayonnaise, relish, onions; you get the idea. It even splashed on my pants.

29   So I got mad and began taking everything out.

30   Before I knew it I was surrounded by a temple of garbage. 

31   At one point I stopped and wondered what I had just done. I wasn't underwhelmed. 

32   I wanted to watch the Saints/Patriots game. Was that yesterday? I wouldn't know because I didn't see a second of the game. 

33   I began asking spiritual questions. I think I even had a religious experience. 

34   Anyhow, that all happened I think yesterday.

35   Moving On, Part One: For whatever reason this morning when I awakened I thought of looking up this fellow:

 36   And then I thought of these guys:

37   Organic veggie fumes can do this to a fellow.

38   I eventually settled in, decided it was all a means to an end, and now my fridge is fresh as a daisy.

39   I can see everything from the street when the door is open.

40   I'm so happy now I want to cry.

41   Tough guy. 

42   I think I'm going to re-name Wednesdays. I never liked its handle anyway. Why not just Clean-the-Fridge Day?

43   It's a cool concept.

44

45   Okay that was stupid.

46   Sorry.

47    I'll NEVER do that again.

48   NEV-er. <mimes the word again>

49   EV-er.

50   Moving On, Part Two: Every once in a while I miss teaching.

51   Not all the politics and meetings and stuff, just goofing with the students. 

52   I inevitably look up at the large clock in my dining room. 

53   Hmm. 9:14 a.m.

54   I would be finishing up my first class of the day. 

55   Instead I'm hammering this folderol out.

56   Ah, it's a living. Reminds me of Ponch's response whenever someone says, " I don't see how you guys can teach!"  His response: "Beats workin'! "

57   Gottago.

58   See you again.

59   Peace.

~H~